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Protection from myself

Started by Rasta, March 07, 2007, 10:36:33 AM

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Rasta

Well, this is request for explanation and any help about protecting from - myself.
My situation is like this - it all started few months ago, when i started scrying. I always believed that's my way, and I'm still sure about it, as much as i can be - it's you in there, and you're all alone. I did it for about month and a half back then, but it was more like experimenting, and playing about. One week to find the best position for candle, another to find best place in room, some time with background music, some time to test it out in mornings, evenings - point is, i counted days, i looked for perfection, and tryed to minimalise "errors".  I even forced myself to do it when i didn't feel like doing it. It was pretty much the wrong way. I did have some strong kicks in forehead, i did sees 10-15 faces, i did feel fear and was shaking sometimes, and there was this small, but constant and pleasent activity in forehead during the whole day. Then, there was a pause of 2-3 months (romantic issues :), after which i started again. Now i do it (almost) totally relaxed, when and if i want to, and i enjoy it. Even if i ask myself which day i'm on, i just say to myself: " you're on day one, little one, first and only day". Every day i feel it's a new day, everything is moving, changing, going towards something - and it's most refreshing and relaxing time in my adulthood.  But, as i can be impulsive person, and most stubborn about some things which i can't explain to myself, i see how much i don't know myself. And i don't live alone. I live with my mother, sister, and her daughter. I still have fears (although much less), but i feel responsible. If i lived alone, ok, what will be, will be, but now, if anything happens (about me or inside me), there's really nobody who could even understand what's happening, not to mention how to handle situation. That's why i was curious about initiations (still am, btw). As i read about it, i got the feeling that in the worst case, bad things won't be that bad. Is maybe grounding myself enough for protection ? I just don't want anything to happen to them, but to me, i'm ready for all that that scares me (or so i feel). I just want some backup, and a way to protect from myself, if anything bad should happen (it never did so far, but i know i have potential for being "evil" as much as for being "saint"). Is grounding enough, is it better for me to be initiated in Tummo, or just wait and see ?
And just something about Tummo. Tibet always was my favorite place on earth (although i've never been there, i just heard some stories and seen some pictures). It really attracts me. I don't say i'd go there right away, but one day, if i ever decide to leave my country, it's my preference. So Tummo too is my preference, about these methods, ways and teachings. But, i don't understand this - if my third eye ever gets opened, how does Tummo fit in this ? Is it better to be initiated in it before or after that, or initiation opens it ?. How does scrying and Tummo interpolate ? I prefer to do things about me myself, to take full responsibility for my actions, so will i be able to continue my path all by myself (if i choose to) if i get initiated in it ? I would like to, as i feel it can only do me good (real and plenty of good). Will scrying become unnecessary (and become just a game) ? But then again, is Tummo unnecessary if i scry long and easy enough ? Don't get me wrong, i wouldn't just use Tummo for protection or opening of 3rd eye, i'd really like to experience it.
Please help, i just want to protect my dearest folks for possible "bad" things that may "live" in me.
As i don't know myself that much, my past and my karma, i'd, most of all, would like to prevent that. Adn any advice about Tummo would be most welcome. Thanks for reading or maybe posting back.

(one note to our dearest Mystress - i did read about your injury, so every time i see your reply, i feel a bit of guilt, selfishness and most of gratitude.)