Depression Adaptation Ascension Psychotic Kundalini Awakening !! Now What ??

[EmpathChakra77]

A little background My name is Dave i am 56 and for the most part a so called normal life..(funny thing normal is defined by the balance of two extremes but  no one actually falls in the middle as normal ironic isn't it) There was no alcohol or abuse that you could look back on and say that is the reason however, there was this unwritten rule where you just did not display feelings or emotions as they were perceived as weakness or undisciplined. Looking back now I realized that I was so sensitive and empathetic that my early days of development had been very damaging to me with no outlet to express myself. Teenage years were good back then drinking age was 18 and it just so happened I turned 18 senior year, so I was drinking legally
  I felt like I lived a life of suppressed emotion and feelings to protect myself and kind made my way through life by stepping on others to get what I wanted and thought that was the way of the world. At 53 years old all the diversions, self medicating and impulsive acts could no longer mask the pain it was time to take out the trash. I would look in the mirror and forgot what I looked like that is how bad it got. I gradually went into a severe state of depression, which progressively got worse day by day for 3 years. I know it sounds strange but I hated myself. I was depressed for over 3 years and tried several counselors, but all they seemed to do was trash my upbringing and kept me looking back into childhood, but I needed to deal with life today and how to be a good husband and father to my wife and older daughter 28 living in Boston and my 8 year old son at the time.
I had a fear of everything, even leaving the house because my car may breakdown or something might happen to me. I have an 8 year old son and I am 54 years old and my wife works so I am home with him and have to get him ready for school, do homework and I can't handle the responsibility. I don't leave the house in fear something may happen and I will not be here for the bus. My wife is ready to leave because I am such mess my son has ADHD and it's hard for him to focus on anything. I had many appointments with psychiatrist's but became petrified of MEDs because I tried them before and all I thought about was suicide, it got so bad all I wanted to do is sleep. I was convinced I would either die or be in a hospital because I was in such bad shape, I could not leave my house I had developed agoraphobia. I slept all day everyday and hated to wake up.
I wanted mine like back, I feel like a failure and I can't do anything about it. I felt as if I hit rock bottom and the only place lower was 6 feet under, but I hung on and started to listen to Bible verses and hear about people being born again so I prayed and nothing seemed to happen, not yet anyway. I kept listening to motivational speeches by preachers, Tony Robbins anyone that would get my mind off of myself. I slowly began to tolerate myself and after a period of time I started to like myself a little bit. I carried so much guilt and shame for things I did in the past and my walls were so high they were preventing me from knowing who I was and what my purpose in life was. I literally had to relearn how to feel, how to trust, express emotion without being judged and more importantly how to love and forgive. I have no cause for anger or for fear. I write poetry now where before I could not even write my name, I cry at movies and do not care what people think. Slowly I was able to learn to feel all over again. The learning and feelings were rapidly expanding and I would literally feel brain zaps, then one night at 3:00AM it all came together and I was jumping for joy and felt like I was in a state of bliss. My Journey of Depression > Adaptation = Ascension had completed. Depression is not because your daddy did not hug you or you did too many drugs or alcohol.
Now this is new research on Depression as a form of adoption to prepare you for the next phase of your life, but now it's 10 times better because I have no filters on my emotions and I literally get emotional with everything and it feels awesome and I feel alive. I used to think at 56 my life was over now I feel like it as just begun.. When I read the Science Daily research on Rumination and Adaptation This has been Spiritual awakening if you are Religious and just an awakening if you are not either way it is amazing...Kundalini Awakening 2 months later which freaked me out I had no idea what was happening My previous Ascensions were for the most part positive and slowly I was becoming whole Until today.

About 10:30 tis morning I started getting that rush of energy but as I got more intense it became so intense I could not stand I was seeing moving objects hearing voices and I was incapacitated The panic attacks were so intense I was getting sick II thought was dying. The more I panicked the worse it got. The entire process took about 4 hours,It was so bad I could not find the off button on the remote for the Television. The waves kept coming and coming and after a while I began to focus my mind to block out any stressful thought and that began the end of the nightmare. Now I understand why meditation is key. I googled my Symptoms and BANG...KUNDALINI DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL I took every Empath Test and one that claimed to be the hardest If you scored 60 or higher you were an Empath.I scored a 96.Looking back I feel now the psychotic Kundalini allowed me to learn how to focus and block everything out because as a strong Empath I fell everyone and I need to be able to filter that. Right now I am meditating to Third Eye Chakra Awakening | 1 Hour | 144Hz Frequency Vibrations as I seem to gravitate to lower frequencies and chanting is great. After my initial Ascension I was emotionally drained and became so blissful I spoke in tounges my wife told me the next day. What an amazing feeling my emotions are wonderful I can cry and laugh watching a movie like the theory of everything Steven Hawkin an amazing movie. I am ALSO A COMPETITIVE BODYBUILDER THE THE MIND BODY CONNECTION IS BETTER THAN EVER.I embrace the Ayurveda lifestyle and a Christian who goes to church every week (almost)I was also told I am a throat Chakra and at the time I did not know what a Chakra was.Pritt thanks for reading this and please suggest what I can do next to build on my awakening and also to help others..I started a Depression adaptation Ascension page and the response has been amazing..see link https://www.facebook.com/Depression-A-New-Approach-922986951098110/timeline/ I just feel like what is next,i do not want to be dormant.I started a blog and the Facebook  depression page has been wonderful.I guess i feel like god or some spiritual power has a plan for me and maybe i just need to be patient so it can be presented to me.Thanks for reading Sincerely Dave