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[khalil_patwa]

Dear Angelique,

Last time I wrote to you about this subject, I didn't do a very good job. I want to do better this time.

I've written a meditation book, which uses Grounding as its base. The material is made up of examples of where you can go from a grounded state, as well as an introduction to groundedness. My intent for the book is to promote Grounding and provide material for people to use in their own meditations.

I'd like to ask your permission please, to use my adaptation of the Grounding meditation I learnt from your site, with full acknowledgement of you as its source.

May I send you a copy of the work so you can see for yourself?

If it's acceptable to you, please also let me know how you would like to be referenced.

I'm currently seeking the permission of others whose work has influenced the book also, including, Cameron Day, Lou DeBourbon and Laura Weise.

Do you have an email address where I can send you a pdf copy of the book? I'll specify the pages which are relevant.

I'd also like to acknowledge Sigmund's input, during the Tummo session he facilitated for me. Is he available to ask through this board please?

Best Regards,

Khalil

[Mystress]

  Last time you posted I visited your web page and read lots of it. Am sharing my impressions. They are not glowing.

 Count the number of times the word "you" appears on your pages. Every one is a projection. You mostly avoid projecting "needs to be fixed" onto people but "needs to be polished" or "needs to be improved" are the same deal.

YOU'RE ALREADY AMAZING...

(but that's not good enough)

NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE NEXT LEVEL

(which I can offer because I am more amazing than you, and I am shouting at you to make sure you know it.)  

Sometimes you don't seem to know when you are insulting people.

  If you're ready to make an impact,

Implies I have not already made any impact, that I am weak and ineffectual and need you to save me. Same old same old sales pitch, project a problem and sell them the solution. Making dis-empowering statements, so you can be the hero. I can't support that. Do you have any idea of the sort of karma that gig generates for you? I can tell you, whatever money you make at it, won't be worth it.

 I found it off putting, like, "Fuck off, you don't know me" sort of resistance. Felt at times like being preached at... and it seemed the wall of "you"s was hiding the actual guy.  Where is the author?

 Barrage of questions reminded me of an interrogation scene, the voice behind the bright light demanding to know what would make me happy! Sharing nothing of itself, or why the questions are important or what will be done with the information. Made me want to tell the interrogating voice to mind its own damn business. How about a page where you answer those questions your own self, and share where you got them and why you think its important to answer them. Really put yourself out there?

 An aloof, anonymous voice that shares nothing of itself, preaching as if godlike telling other people how to live... a big ego shield. The content itself its mostly, borrowed ideas, good content but I didn't see anything that impressed me as being original. May as well skip writing a book and make a pinterest page, to share the work that inspired you. A scrapbook of other people's inspirations that you meddled with trying to make them your own, because you have not yet found your own authentic voice and inspiration. "100% recycled content" but the original content didn't need to be recycled.

 Universal truths are that, but inspiration in a teacher shows originality even if they are drawing on the same sources. How Osho writes and how Ramana spoke, share universal truths but with different voices.

 I get the whole, lifestyle blogger career path thing, says you have to publish a book as the next step and get a youtube channel and all that... Is not my road, but regardless... your writing style shows, you are not ripened yet.

Here is a quote from one of the best articles on the web:

I was the world's shittiest writer when I was an infant. I was only slightly better at 25. But while I was failing miserably at my career, I wrote in my spare time for eight straight years, an article a week, before I ever made real money off it. It took 13 years for me to get good enough to make the New York Times best-seller list. It took me probably 20,000 hours of practice to sand the edges off my sucking.

Don't like the prospect of pouring all of that time into a skill? Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that the sheer act of practicing will help you come out of your shell -- I got through years of tedious office work because I knew that I was learning a unique skill on the side. People quit because it takes too long to see results, because they can't figure out that the process is the result.
http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/

I spent at least that, years and years, often 18 hour days posting advice to k list and other places, for free before this website went up... at the point where I wasn't finding much new and was tired of repeating myself. That was my internship, but also being on the spiritual path of reverence for the planetary consciousness from age 2.  

 During those years, if I felt moved to share a personal experience but fear came up that sharing it might embarrass me, make me look bad or invite judgment, ... then I *had* to defy my ego and share anyway, and with extra honesty. I called it "dancing naked in the cremation grounds"  ... of my ego.

 Those stories are what make my work relate-able, interesting, and the honesty shines through.

 What happened over time is I started to get time travel empathy with people who would read the post in the future, feel how they would respond to it, what questions appeared in their mind, while I was writing it... and respond to that, too.

 Awareness of how a message will be received, is not the same as being self conscious about what people will think of the author, and striving to present a polished image. I see a lot of the latter and very little of the former:  Ever go back and read your pages as if they were written by someone you do not know? It is valuable.

 How about instead of "why you should stop judging" you write "this is what happened to me when I tried to stop judging." Then you get something relate-able and interesting to read, we get to meet the guy who has been there and done that and taken the lumps at times, gain experience by walking in his shoes.  Humility is engaging.
  You want people to be open and vulnerable with you, then be the example of it. Try fearlessly sharing your own journey, with the world and then they can choose to walk with you.

 Then you get people engaging with you, sharing their stories too. Your career path needs a community.

 I was looking for spring cleaning motivation and found this jewel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anD15c4bGhY Shes personal, personable, humble, engaging, and funny. "("My dust bunnies have obviously murdered my cleaning faeries" LMAO!!) Then I went and cleaned out my fridge! I was amused, inspired and motivated.

 I understand when you find something great you want to tell everyone you know! "Like" buttons and all that networking stuff I rarely take time for. All these bloggers blogging about other bloggers, trying to make the click bait that will monetize the adwords. Its like there is a factory somewhere, producing clones of lifestyle and motivational bloggers. What is there to make you stand out from the crowd, make it more worthwhile to read your page than watch a TED talk?  

 I ordered 10lbs of food grade diatomaceous earth off amazon, and this morning I was reading dozens of testimonials of people miraculously transforming their health, drinking the "dirt" (there is no scientific evidence) and I got all fired up wanting to order 100lbs and give some to everybody I know! ... but... that would be absurd. I have only been taking it myself, for two days. When I have been taking it for 6 months I will be able to speak from personal experience, of how it affected me instead of recycling other people's testimonials.

 What would you rather read? The Voice of Authority telling you, "take this its good for you"? Or someone who has taken it, sharing what it did for them?

What feels warmer?

 "YOU are an infinite being."

  or:

 "I believe everyone, is an infinite being."

  The first is the same crap you can read anywhere, more projection affirmation new age BS, as lifeless and impersonal as a hallmark card... but the other, is a guy whose got faith in people. The Martin Luther King vibe, that engages people in the dream. Greatness.

  I think you know I would not be taking time to give you this feedback unless I think you got the right stuff for a career helping people.  I think you are compassionate and your commitment to integrity is genuine, and those are essential. Your writing shows that you have not matured as a writer or a spiritual teacher. You are not really walking your talk, or aware enough to see the implications of the role you have chosen. There is a lot of ego involved still.

 Richard Bach said "You teach best, what you most need to learn." and its valid, we learn more about something if we try to show it to someone else... but would you want a half assed teacher thats trying to learn by teaching you? Would you pay someone for that, or consider them to be ethical and professional?  Do you think that is what your students or clients deserve? Is it what you would choose, or would you rather learn from someone who has mastered the art and is walking their talk? How about from someone who thinks they have mastered it, but really has not, who will only pass on their mistakes?

 The book you want to publish today, because you think yourself wise enough, will be cringe-worthy in a decade when you have matured spiritually and can look back and see where it needed to be turned inward and applied to your self, first. All those Yous are about You. You know the cliche, one finger points at others, 3 fingers point back at you.

The thing with publishing on dead trees, once its out in the world you cant change anything.  I don't consent to be in that book, I don't want to read a pdf either.  I don't want to give a coat tail ride to a noob author who needs to borrow my inspiration because he has not found his own voice, who has not put in the time, paid his dues to mature. Who is not willing to put himself out there as a human.

 I would be much more interested in reading the book you will write some years from now, when you have matured as a teacher and a writer, to find your own voice.

[khalil_patwa]

Dear Angelique,

Yes, you're correct, I do appreciate you taking the time to share your feedback with me. It's refreshing to receive your unfiltered response. Your analysis of the writing on my website resonates... I've had difficulty finding my voice while attempting to follow those marketing rules, which I'm letting go of now. Reading what you've written has highlighted how I've been taking an intellectual approach to what I present on my website, whereas I'm really looking to express myself creatively. Which, as you've pointed out needs the time put in to develop the craft.

With regards to the book, I will remove those pieces which referenced your work.

Also, thanks for those sharing those links and quotes.


Khalil

[Mystress]

  Creativity, yes!! The energy goes into anything creative I do, whether I want it to or not. Creativity is the magic.

  Following the marketing advice you become just one more clone out of the lifestyle coach blogger factory. Following your muse, your heart... that makes the art. 

  But there is another, much more important reason to skip following the advice of the salesman types, and that is because your life depends on it. I have outlasted and outlived most of the kundalini teachers who were around when I started, many have simply disappeared. I have seen, even brilliant teachers like Stuart Wilde, turn into tinfoil hats as the karma of teaching accumulated. So many teachers head into some kind of psychosis over time, I call it Guru sickness. Either the body breaks down, usually kidney or liver failure, sometimes the heart... or the mind breaks, they become a little paranoid, a little crazy, more and more controlling of their seekers like Nirmala Devi.

  I have seen disaster strike close to those who felt themselves magically protected from the karma of their choices, the shrapnel hit those who care about them, instead. Taking spiritual responsibility for other people is hazardous. Even the regular kind is, look at how fast presidents age.

   Free Will is Goddess law. There is an important, intertwined relationship between karma, power and responsibility. In making an effort to persuade, investing in image, you are disrespecting someone's free will, trying to gain their power.  If you succeed, then you have taken on a role of being God for them and their karma will flow to you. Especially if you are working intimately with someone to help clear their dysfunctions, and its common to massage therapists, chiropractors and other healing arts. The shadow side of good intentions, the cosmic law dynamic of power, karma and responsibility entwined, takes people down.

Ramana came out and said it, his liver was poisoned by karma his devotees were resistant to letting go. That was a heads-up to me, because he was awesome and if he could not survive it, what hope did I have? I spent years exploring the dynamic of karma transfer, and came out the other side with zero interest in being Guru or Goddess for anyone, and focused on teaching a DIY path of personal empowerment.  My grounding is a way to grant shaktipat, to yourself, and a head space of surrender and insight to resolve what it brings up.

  Every bit of karma, is emotional energy collected around a pearl of insight that started out as a wrong idea. The Guru takes both, and you get advancement at the cost of dependence. It is those pearls of self knowledge that provide the foundation for spiritual stability in advancement. I teach people to do karma vamping, the transmuted emotional energy goes back to being the pure creative fire it was made from, raw creative energy of manifestation for doing art and magic, they can keep that stuff but the pearls of insight, must be given back to the owner to balance the dynamic, even if it means passing the info onto their higher self. 

  A few years ago, I got an ongoing calling to train sanguine vampires... Their imperative is genuine and comes with some intriguing and unusual spiritual abilities, that most of them have no idea about.  I find for them it is the same. They need the energy of blood from a donor, but they also have to share the insights they get from it or the relationship becomes unbalanced, with the donors becoming very dependent, turning stalker, or going the other way with some belief of why they have to stop. 

  Karma, power, responsibility. Karmic laws like physics, action and reaction. There has to be mindfulness of how it flows, and a focus on alignment and balance. Awareness of the cost of taking power, how to give it back multiplied. Alignment with the karmic laws and with your own dharma, the will of your own Divine Self and the truth of who you are. Putting yourself out there has to be really, even painfully honest and all these ideas of image, marketing and persuasion become poison. The more powerful you become, the more important it is. Like a car with bad wheel alignment, does not matter at school zone speeds but take it on the racetrack and it could kill you.

  Susan Carlson died last year. I was her mentor for a time in the late 90s, early 2000s,  before and for a while after she went off to take a coat tail ride with Glenn Morris. He died, so she went with his guy Santiago and kept doing what she was doing and now she is dead, years before she got old enough to get a pension check.

  We were close at one time but she had a narcissistic streak and when I saw how she was using kundalini for self promotion and not really taking care of people, I kicked her to the curb.  I warned her of the karmic hazards of her approach... trying to do global shaktipat, for example, is extremely hazardous. Someone posted to my list that they were doing another global shaktipat in her memory and I could only shake my head.
  I let go and didn't follow her career much after but people who knew us both, liked to give me updates, so I noticed when she added Phd. to her name and had a cynical thought, "get that out of a cracker jack box?" Ya. Turned out, to be a Doctor of divinity from an unaccredited spiritual university, a diploma mill. Image over substance. Not to speak ill of the dead, I hold no ill will towards her, and I know she helped many people... but a cautionary tale.

  I see kids on you tube, offering shaktipat to anyone. They have no clue about the price they will pay for their hero trip.  When you grant shaktipat to awaken k in someone, it is being God-dess substitute for them, become their root guru and their karma will flow to you for about a decade. Shaktipat, is not surrender. Goddess will awaken someone when the time is right. It is ego that wants to intervene and speed things up, and there is a steep price to pay.

  Your pages don't say anything about Shaktipat, but the dynamic has effect anyway because you are awakened and want to help people. 

   continues...

[Mystress]

continuing...

  If someone asks me if they *should* become a Fire Serpent Tantra member, I tell them to ask their heart, and all of my lineage are trained to respond the same way.  I cannot make that decision for them, I wont accept that power or the responsibility, I give it back. Otherwise I am being Goddess for them and all the karma they release as a student would flow to me too.

  Unless it is the way that their heart leads, then it will be of no benefit to them anyway. The whole thing is about personal empowerment, learning to surrender and it starts even before it starts. That sort of alignment, is essential. There is no sales pitch, no promises, no persuasion. Most of the students say the deciding factor for them, was how my energy feels. Creativity, charges the pages up. Their experience of the course, will be as Goddess wills, and I can imagine no more powerful prayer for them.

  People love to give away their personal responsibility and if you accept it then there is this other thing that happens, nuances of karmic laws. If you are doing the promotion persuasion stuff, asking for it... well, just don't go there. Even aside from the karmic penalty, the sort of people you will attract: people who define themselves by their dysfunctions, but do not want to take responsibility for themselves,  sometimes are more invested in getting that validated with attention, than in letting it go. If you are patient and charging by the hour, then... lol. I enjoy seeing people grow, more.

  There is a necessity to avoid it, and always be giving people their power back.  Good healers, if you try to thank them, say "I am only the vessel, give your thanks to..." (whatever patron God-dess)

  It is important, if they accept the gratitude then they are accepting responsibility for the healing instead of passing the buck upward. The karma that was released for the healing, lands on them personally. With your work, they are the ones that did the growing and it was an honour to witness. Don't take or ask for responsibility. Stay humble, and pass the buck,  to avoid taking hits.

  There are the really successful guys, like Tony Robbins who can pull off both, but if you examine more closely, he is totally focused on training people to empower themselves, even has a documentary on netflix titled, "dont call me guru." He is pretty transparent and he is walking his talk, he is the product of what he teaches. There is alignment of his work, his purpose and his image.  Alignment, is the difference between a light bulb and a laser. The photons are all going the same direction.

  Most of my advertising is in the form of astral beacons that only light up to someone who is wondering "how can I get some..." of what I am offering. Synchronicity does the rest. Some of the beacons are not even switched on, all the time. I am kind of a hermit.

  I think of it, like a little sign beside the highway. "Joe's Diner, 5 miles." If you are hungry, you will take notice, if you are not, you keep driving. There are no promises that the food will be good, or that the cafe will even be open, only, "here is where to find it. If you want some." If the food is awesome, then viral does the rest and the little sign is all it needs. Ever seen a commercial for Rolls Royce? Yet you know what it is, and what it represents.  That kind of quality, does not need any sales pitch.

  I once had a friend who sold mercedes and BMW... he laughed at the sales pitch games. His job was just, "what colour do you want it in?" People arrived, pre-sold. I think you have that kind of quality, the light shining within, once you find your voice to speak from that inspiration. I think, if you postpone publishing your book, even for a year you will end up rewriting about a third of it, and it will do better.

  I don't mind you pointing people to my work. Small quotes, like the snippet of the Cracked website page I posted, properly attributed, I would consider fair use.  Asking me to validate and approve your trampled version of the grounding though... obviously, no.

  Publishing the whole grounding would be too much. I have only ever allowed on person to do that, Irman... he translated it into Indonesian and actually dedicated the whole book to me in the front. Very generous attribution. Years later, he too came up with his own version of the grounding, I consider it excessively over-complicated but I would agree it is his own. He likes to hang out with ascended masters and long dead gurus, and share what they show him, its valid. I prefer to work with Goddess directly. I cherish Her elegant simplicity but men often prefer things complicated. 

  An old friend from the early days approached me about a kundalini-related novel he was writing, he included me in it as an expositional character and used quotes from my website, for my dialogue. Interesting project. He knew Susan too, from the early days, and found her to be an angry ghost. She was not ready to go. I do not know what she died of, but my feeling is, her marketing approach had a hidden cost and she did not believe my warnings, and paid the price.

  I have been meaning to write more on this topic for a while, you inspired me. I have seen too many good healers and teachers, fall from grace, or die, or both. Grateful to my Shaman guide, he always is quick to let me know if my actions are not aligned.

   Good luck with your work, and stay in touch. Blessings...

   

[khalil_patwa]

Dear Angelique,

I really appreciate your feedback and input.

It's led me to a phase of reflection and introspection, (and even dredging of my murky depths), and now I'm getting my internal house in order before going back to the writing.

I'll let you know when that next phase is complete. I'd still like to reference you, in the context of the impact that your Grounding visualisation has had on me. And yes, I will remove that 'trampled' version, from the website also... to be replaced with something that comes from my place of inspirational yearning.

Thank you for sharing your stories here also.

Khalil