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[Brandy]

In the last year I have read things and made discoveries that have completely changed how I felt about my religion and the journey I have been on. I was raised as a non-practicing jehavoh witness. I went to church and few times and read their children's bible story book. I was not watched well as a child and pretty much raised myself. Most of my adolescent life I denied a God existing, but decided that he did after seriously wanting to die. at 16years old.

I believe it is not the number of years in a life, but the life put into a number of years that really counts.

After, attempting to be a foster mother to my brother in an emergency situation I realized how little I know, and how lost I truely am.
it has been about a year since then. After giving my brother back, I started reading to occupy my time until I could return to school. My guiding angel so far has been a dear friend who took care of me in my time of need. She gave me my recommended reading list and through her I have learned to believe in All that Is.

The best part is being this happy all the time. But There is so much I have not been able to understand. I know I have as long as it takes, but I want to know right now. I also know that there are many choices I am making that hold me back. But I wanted to thank you for doing all the learning and loving that you have to be able to make a web site like this for people like me who have so far to go still. I send love to you and to all that is.

[Sigmund]

Hi, Brandy.  Welcome in the work.  You're right in understanding you've grown.  We always grow, one way or another, when we pay dues.  I wouldn't be surprised if you go back and forth with some things as you make your way.   If you've done the best you could, there's no benefit to being hard on yourself.  If you haven't, then you can learn as you go.

I hear that you want to integrate who you are in the chair with what you do in the world.  The best way, I find, to know that I'm on the right track is to do what it appears you're doing, that is, using personal resources and others to come more and more into a balanced heart and mind, taking enough time for each I trust, while being open to and flexible with ideas/experiences that are mirrors and projections for you in other parts of the field.  That way, you can see and examine and change your patterns and reactions.  It's all part of the greater good, grist for the mill on the road to what we want/what's best for us.

Your letting go has brought you more of the wisdom, freedom, space, peace, clarity, light, love and understanding you've been seeking.  You're more in the larger space you've created for yourself.   These are wonderful times for you, Brandy.  It's also wonderful because you're in synch with the energy that is evolving the world right now.  ... all that is part of all that is, on our way higher up the mountain.  My wise friend.  Do more of what feeds you, let go of what doesn't.   Resonate with what you get.  That will adjust your energy fields, raise you to a higher frequency and attract more of the same, feeding you again.    

As for your dear friend, kudos to her and to you for working with her.  She's both mirror and projection for you.  It's such a benefit to one and all when people create an oasis in/for the world.  It benefits us all in ways known and unknown.  Has she recommended anything that Elizabeth Kulber-Ross wrote on grief and loss?  If not, I do.  I'd look over her titles and pick what you think would work for you.  

Being happy means you're doing something that feeds you.  There's current happiness and there's delayed happiness.  You've delayed a lot of happiness, heavily so.    You get the most benefit for yourself and for the others involved when you do whatever you think is for the greatest good, no matter whose.  There's no loss in acting from the heart.  Either you're directly happy or you've surrendered your happiness for anothers, a very noble act.  Balaning ethical goodness and acting from the heart recalibrates you and extends your range.  As long as it takes and right now are the same thing although one is acessed directly while the other has things between it and our enjoying it as we'd prefer.  

The key to having the life you want is to be as clear and as in depth as you can and to work towards making that happen without opening a vein so to speak, as a rule.  The more precisely you know your wants, the more clarity you put out in the world, paving the way for like to attract like.   If I would give you advice, it would be to follow the positive guidelines that the Jehovah's Witnesses, among others, convey; let go of things that don't make positive contributions towards your well being and enjoy yourself within moderation, with safe and occasional holidays built in.  As you know, balance and centering are greatly helpful virtues.  

We're each a light in the world in our own ways, in ways known and unknown.  The Buddha said, "Don't think lighly of good, thinking, 'It will not come of me.'  For even as a bucket is filled if only drop by drop, so we fill ourselves by our deeds."  

  Love in all that is.  

[Brandy]

It finally feels good to hear someone say something back. Thank you for your response, most of the time people have nothing to say or they think I am lost in a world of make-believe. My dear friend has become busy and I felt dimmer. Yesterday, I finally was able to feel the energy when I purposely wanted to meditate thanks to the grounding exercise on this site. Most of the time when I feel really connected to the energy it just happened... I would be doing something else and suddenly I knew I was connected but the moment I analyzed my feeling rather than just feeling it, it would go away.

And the part about your higher self leading you along the way... Undeniable!

[Sigmund]

Yes, this seems to be a slow site. The action appears to be in the tea room.  Glad you're continuing with the grounding.  It really is the foundation not only for our stability but it also supports important work that you may have already come across in the fst lessons.  

I know what you mean when you say that analysing things makes them disappear.  It's a matter of focus.  What we focus on, we resonate with, as you seem to understand.  If you continue with your practice, you'll continue getting results even if things aren't always as you prefer but I bet you already know that.  

Jai to you and your higher self.  

[Mystress]

The best part is being this happy all the time. But There is so much I have not been able to understand. I know I have as long as it takes, but I want to know right now. I also know that there are many choices I am making that hold me back. But I wanted to thank you for doing all the learning and loving that you have to be able to make a web site like this for people like me who have so far to go still. I send love to you and to all that is.

 Thank you, Brandy. I am glad you enjoy the site.

 Be patient with yourself.  There are many things that simply cannot be understood, until the chakra petal with the knowledge or insight opens, and then you know! For it to open, the karma blocking it must be cleared, and trying to clear too much at once leads to distress, not happiness. Sounds like you are doing fine.

 BTW: the "tea room" Sigmund mentioned is part of the Fire Serpent Tantra course... members only.

 Glad you joined the board... Blessings!
 

[Sigmund]

Regrets, Brandy, that I suggested the tea room without knowing whether or not you're a fst member.  Mea culpa.  Mystress is right about unfolding judiciously.  In these matters, too much of a good thing can be overwhelming.  I've managed, to one degree or another during these years, to just be with my impatience and to disregard what I may have hooked it onto, unless, of course, that's something I need to pay attention to.   Best to you.