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Hey everyone, I was wondering how to go back to a somewhat normal life. All the changes I have been through are pretty overwhelming for me. I basically went from playing video games all day to this in 2 years.

I feel like my mind and self is so empty. I can't even remember who I use to be. I also feel a little psychotic, almost like I merged with the over mind or whatever you want to call it. My sense of self is just gone and its kinda creepy for me. I am either thinking of something and goin insane or I feel a huge feeling of love and peace but I don't really want that right now. Its almost like im stuck with that feeling. I just want to live and not think about big stuff all the time and just have a sense of who I am so I can go about my life for a while.
I also cannot get grounded no matter what I do. I feel like my mind is in a cloud somewhat as well. I just feel like I got rid of everything from my mind and now its impossible for me to come back..

I have also been reading up on a few other things.. I don't want to label anything but I guess you could call them new age. Things like ascending to a higher dimension and stuff like that. I feel like that might be happening to me and I don't think I am fully ready to go there yet if that is what's going on. I would like to eventually but I just need more time.
Also things like the Galactic federation of light... I am not putting a belief into this but it is very interesting and seems possible to me. has anyone else here heard of that? If anyone here could let me know what you think about it...

But like I was asking before... How do I get back to somewhat normal? I just want to see the world from a normal perspective, work a job for awhile and be able to think with my normal mind... It really feels like I am moving to a higher level that I do not fully want to move to yet. Sorry if I sound like I am on some sort of trip or something but this really feels like what is going on with me. Either that of I have gone insane lol.

[mantiel]

Well i dont know what to say right now about the rest of the stuff you mention, but sounds like you are raising your vibration quite a lot, and quite fast! And grounding is a big issue when you are raising your vibration. Sometimes it gets difficult... you should try drinking a cup of organic coffee in the morning or whenever you feel you need grounding.. coffee is one of the biggest grounders for the human body, and it will help you be more "you" while in the higher realms. Its important its organic, as your body will be able to process it much more easily and it will provide the right alchemy for your body... if you feel like, give it a try, it did wonders for me.

Mantiel

[Gustaf]

Hey everyone, I was wondering how to go back to a somewhat normal life. All the changes I have been through are pretty overwhelming for me. I basically went from playing video games all day to this in 2 years.

I feel like my mind and self is so empty. I can't even remember who I use to be. I also feel a little psychotic, almost like I merged with the over mind or whatever you want to call it. My sense of self is just gone and its kinda creepy for me. I am either thinking of something and goin insane or I feel a huge feeling of love and peace but I don't really want that right now. Its almost like im stuck with that feeling. I just want to live and not think about big stuff all the time and just have a sense of who I am so I can go about my life for a while.
I also cannot get grounded no matter what I do. I feel like my mind is in a cloud somewhat as well. I just feel like I got rid of everything from my mind and now its impossible for me to come back..

I have also been reading up on a few other things.. I don't want to label anything but I guess you could call them new age. Things like ascending to a higher dimension and stuff like that. I feel like that might be happening to me and I don't think I am fully ready to go there yet if that is what's going on. I would like to eventually but I just need more time.
Also things like the Galactic federation of light... I am not putting a belief into this but it is very interesting and seems possible to me. has anyone else here heard of that? If anyone here could let me know what you think about it...

But like I was asking before... How do I get back to somewhat normal? I just want to see the world from a normal perspective, work a job for awhile and be able to think with my normal mind... It really feels like I am moving to a higher level that I do not fully want to move to yet. Sorry if I sound like I am on some sort of trip or something but this really feels like what is going on with me. Either that of I have gone insane lol.

In A Course in Miracles, they say that bliss is very hard for us to endure, harder than pain. Comfort of the familiar?

The Kundalini process is irreversible. You can't go back, and do you really want to? What comes up, comes down. What needs to happen is that you bring the higher perspectives, stillness and love into everything you do.

In the Bhagavad Gita, they call this Karma Yoga, which could be translated to consecrated action. What you need to do, is to do a lot of dynamic work. Physical is good, but mental work is good too.  You bring all your attention and awareness into the work.  I'd let go of New Age teachings for a while (Nothing wrong with most of them, but probably not what you need right now) and focus all the attention into working in the world.  No matter what you do, at your job, or cleaning the apartment, walking, bring all your awareness into it. 

This will get you grounded, and will also bring your higher energy into the world.

This is far better than reverting to your previous state.

Along with this, you can practice the grounding meditation as often as possible.

http://kundalini-teacher.com/meditations/grounding.php

Remember to not resist what happens!   Instead allow it fully, and bring it into your life.

Namaste
Gustaf

[Username]

Thank you. I  get everything you are saying and I think that wanting some sort of comfort it part of it. Have you been through all of this? I am just wondering but how do you feel on a day to day basis?            

I was trying to do what you described above before even reading that and it worked for awhile but last night bad thoughts just hit me and I felt empty again. Completely empty. I lied awake in my bed all night. At about 9 I called my friend and we went to eat breakfast. This is my only friend who I can relate to at all and we both felt the same. We felt like we were younger versions of ourselves and like i could finally rest my mind. I felt like I was back on 3rd density and I realized that I was living on 5th density or whatever you want to call it for awhile.
Anyways It wasn't  bad but it was kinda creepy to see the world from that perspective. Well, very creepy in a way. We went back to his apartment and I felt like I was going to have a breakdown. I went home and just broke down. I cried a lot and felt so horrible.
Sometimes I feel so insane to the point where I can't even sleep so I am thinking about getting some sleeping pills. I am having such a hard time with this now that I can't even be happy at all. I can't have fun. I had alittle fun for about 3 days but that ended. I mean I am 18 so I still need to do something. I want to go to parties and just be able to have fun sometimes but it is so hard.

I definitely don't want to go back to the old me though (which is kinda where I am right now). It felt ok for awhile but my mind kicked back in and I felt worse than ever.

The world is just so crazy and it is weird to think that that is how the majority of people on earth precive things. It really is like people don't think at all. They never think of a bigger picture or the universe or anything like that.

I am thinking about getting a psychologist just so I can have someone else to talk to other than my friend. Would any medications, herbs or anything help me rest my mind and sleep better? I feel like I am breaking down completely right now and I just want alittle peace. I feel like I need to do something I can't keep this pattern up much longer or I will loose it but I would rather die than be a mindless vegetable so I don't think I would ever go on medications. Would getting some type of medication that I would only take when I felt extremely bad help me? I feel so bad for wanting medication but I can't cope right now.

I am going to try to get back to where I was and work on what you listed. I feel like that is the only way I can be happy.

[Gustaf]

Seeing a therapist may not be a bad idea! Especially if you find one you can trust.  Psychologists and therapists are less prone to prescribe a lot of medication than the psychiatry profession. If you can find a Jungian therapist, that is great, or cognitive behavioural therapy, also very good.  I have a workbuddy who went to a therapist after he broke up with his girlfriend. It was very transformative for him, and he perceived it as such.  He sought someone out who he could resonate with, and became a catalyst for him.

There is a lot of western psychology that accept and understand changes as transformation. I don't know where you live, but there is a network of "K friendly" therapists.  Might be good to look into!

http://www.spiritualemergence.net/pages/home.html

You are empowered when you look for a therapist yourself!  If you feel guided towards this, test it with your heart voice. (Try to get grounded first)

http://kundalini-teacher.com/guidance/heart.php
http://kundalini-teacher.com/guidance/discern.php

Yes, I have been through very similar things. But not at such a young age as you. It happened to me in my late 20s. So you probably have the hormonal changes of late adolescence to deal with too.

I'm a total computergame buff as well (Still play them, even make them for a living)

I've gone through periods where I could barely get out of bed. Deeply dark times of feeling depressed, afraid and listless. Yet each time there was something else emerging, a depth that was something more than the emotions or the thoughts. A canvas of stillness and joy, which all those things happen.  Kundalini probably works in a much less linear way than often depicted, often in cycles, going deeper each time.

What you describe to me sounds like the experience of living in two worlds at the same time. One foot in each.  We are multidimensional beings. It's just that most of us are completely immersed in thoughts materiality, unable to experience the more subtle dimensions in life.

It's actually your ego which is afraid.  The ego consists of very set beliefs, to which it automatically reacts from.  The ego doesn't understand that which is beyond thought and beyond form, and will percieve anything such as a threat.  That's why it's so important to work through all the thoughts and impressions as they arise, and not give them a solid reality. What you focus on grows.

A therapist can probably help out with sleeping problems too.

But aside to that, I can share with you some experiences I've had with sleep, sleeping problems. For me, going to sleep is not just an attempt to knock myself out so I can get up next morning.  It's a time of rejuvenation, and exploration, especially if I can stay conscious during certain periods of it.

What I realized was, that a good, simple meditation will give my body and mind just as good of a rest, as normal sleep. This realization was major, because it shifted my attitude to sleep completely. Rarely after that, have I felt any stress towards it.   Instead what happens is that right before I go to sleep, I lay on my back, and close my eyes.  Then I focus on deep, relaxed breathing, and allow anything to manifest in my mind. Without labeling or judging, I just let everything I feel and think to move unhindered.   Alternatively, I watch the mind-screen, or practice active surrender.

For you though I would recommend something simple, and which helps to anchor you with your body-mind, and at the same time bring about relaxation.

Lay on your back, put one hand on your stomach, at the level of your navel, and the other on the middle of your chest, at the level of the sternum.  Then for a while, you simply feel the movement of your belly and your chest as you breathe naturally, without trying to breathe deep. Feel how they expand and contract, rise and fall.  This all of its own can anchor you in your body, and at the same time still your mind.  If any thoughts or emotions arise at this point, let them, allow them to come as they are, but always be aware of your breath as well.

Then when you feel comfortable with it, you can start to breathe consciously, first only with your belly, while keeping your chest still.  Do that for some time, then switch, and breathe only with your chest.  You can alternate back and forth with these for as long as you like.  This will help to process a lot of stuff, and serves as a wonderful anchor.  It will also stimulate correct breathing, and help clear a blockage that many have at the solar plexus area (which connects the abdomen and chest)  Also, even if you don't fall asleep, your body will gain a lot of rest from this, as will your mind.

If you visit a therapist for a professional opinion, practice relaxation before going to bed, and get involved with cathartic (consecrated action or art) work, it'll do a lot of good for you.    I am not a professional myself, so only take that which resonates in this writing, and ignore the rest!   I'm just a fortunate little fellow who happened to wake up!

Namaste!
Gustaf

[Username]

Thank you man. Ill definitely check into a therapist but I also got a great idea while reading that. I use to play video games all the time and It definitely helped me escape life so I'm thinking about getting an xbox and playin some halo 2 on xbox live lol that use to be my life freshmen year. I Just think it would help rest my mind for awhile.

I have also been writing alot of music and i am trying to learn guitar. Me and some friends are hoping to start some sort of band soon. One of my closest friends is also going through an awakening so we are working together and kinda eachothers therapist. I found many people in my town that are good people and that I have a lot in common with so thats good. I am getting somewhat of a social life back.

Thats cool though man. What games have you made if you don't mind me asking?

[Gustaf]

The only issue I've had with computer games is when I play them in excess, it tends to be come a distraction or addiction.  The bodymind usually tells me when to stop playing and go do something else.

You can also do an experiment when you play a computer game. When you play, try to be fully present with anything that happens and what you do, it can bring out some insights.  In Tantra, you don't have to deny things you do in life, just try to be grounded and aware while doing them.

Playing a rock band sounds like a great way to get connected with people again, not to mention that music is so cathartic! 

I've worked as a composer and sounddesigner at Starbreeze for several years, scored Chronicles of Riddick and The Darkness among others.

Good luck with your band!
Namaste
Gustaf

[Mystress]

I feel like my mind and self is so empty. I can't even remember who I use to be. I also feel a little psychotic, almost like I merged with the over mind or whatever you want to call it. My sense of self is just gone and its kinda creepy for me. I am either thinking of something and goin insane or I feel a huge feeling of love and peace but I don't really want that right now. Its almost like im stuck with that feeling. I just want to live and not think about big stuff all the time and just have a sense of who I am so I can go about my life for a while.
I also cannot get grounded no matter what I do. I feel like my mind is in a cloud somewhat as well. I just feel like I got rid of everything from my mind and now its impossible for me to come back..

   This is the funniest post I have seen in a while, someone complaining about the symptoms of self realization.  There is nothing wrong with you except you are worried that there is something wrong with you, and you miss who you thought you were.  They previous identity was an illusion, the infinite overmind is your real Self.  The peace and bliss and love and joy is your true nature.

  You want to know who you are, that is It. That is the truth of who we All are and what everybody is chasing after on the path of enlightenment.

   Congrats, you caught the brass ring and now you really *can* get on with your life just by dealing with whatever is in front of you.  There are perks, your ideal life will land on your doorstep, piece by piece without you worrying about it at all.

   The old illusion of you got et by the K snake and you are not getting it back... if you did, *that* would be a psychosis. The infinite you made you a body, coded into it some stuff it wanted to try out this lifetime.  It, wants the experience of being you. Ironic eh?

  So, your new identity is about finding out who you are, from how your body responds to things. 

   Pay a lot of attention to your body, get to know what it likes, what gives you bliss. That is all you get for a new identity plus whatever it says on your drivers licence.  All the people who think they got more than that are the people you complain about who are stuck in illusion.

  To sleep, just fall into the joy until you drift off.

  We never stop growing, but really, stop worrying about not knowing who you are and start enjoying just being. Skip all the new age stuff, it is irrellevant to where you are at now. All that stuff about finding yourself: you already did, and it might not be what you expected but it is what they are all after.

  As for video games... I fell into secondlife.com in Feb, and have built Kundalini Mystic Isle... Am still building, lots to do yet but it is very engaging to do my art of Shakti charged cyberspace, in a 3-d virtual world.
It is a public space like this website, anyone can visit. In secondlife you can be anything, a wolf, a dragon, a toaster... and interact with other people, see how it feels to be that. 

   I have no clue who I am, that is the secret Mystery of Mystress. I got used to not knowing, find that it is really not so important and not knowing leaves me free to be anything.  I know a lot about myself, what my body likes and dis-likes, things my brain finds engaging... but who I am is infinite nameless nothing that the linear thinking brain can never really comprehend so ... the mysteries remain mysterious no matter how high we ascend. Chop wood carry water, get on with life and quit stressing about it.

   Last week I in SL was a skeleton with big comedy boobs, don't ask why.. it was the cathartic art of the moment. I have collected some 64 non human avatars to play identity experiements with, so far. 

If you get there, there is a snapshot in my profile picks. Mystress Weatherwax...