I'd like the ultamite help

[alexznumber1]

I used to be very happy for nothing. My life used to be very "bad". I started looking into spirituality and learned that "True love, peace and joy have no opposite - because they don’t come from a filter. Your core has no opposite. It doesn’t want anything, only the ego does. It doesn’t identify with anything, so it doesn’t get upset from any loss. It doesn’t get upset by anything, for without any filters, everything just is. The thoughts have no filters to pass through, and without any filters, nothing is bad or good - everything just is." -urbanmonk.net

Then my friend said," You don't want a girlfriend becuase you can't have one. Then I remembered my past and I said oh my gosh. It was horrible I didn't have anything I wanted. Then my ego made things even worse. It then said You don't want it becuase you can't have it and it applied it to EVERYTHING! This made me feel very bad about myself, and I said maybe my friend is right but at the same time I said how Insane! So then here comes the suffereing its amazing because thats the suffering that I used to have all came back! Just becuase of the want! I know thats one of ego's ways of wanting. But how insane!
Now I can't really go back to what I've learned becuase I don't want it becuase I can't have it comes back rushing this is true horror.
So Is it just my ego trying to prove him wrong or something. What is going on here how can that verse"You don't want it becucae you can't have one" affect me So much. Now that I want one the chances are much less because I'm not happy with myself anymore.
I would greatly appriciate it but how can I solve it when I don't even know the problem is and how that verse affects me.

[Mystress]

 

Who told you that you cannot have what you want? You have lost faith in the abundance of the universe to provide for you.