Search

[dotdotdot]

Hey,

Was just wondering if someone's only religious exposure to religion was Christianity, if a Shamanic experience would play out within that format? Or maybe just having an awakening that seems to conflict with what you've been told the Bible says to avoid? How would you deal with the fear that you're being approached by forces that are supposed to be "evil" or that you already belong to them?

If that makes any sense...

[dotdotdot]

Eh, bad description. Just having trouble overcoming my Mother's childhood lectures on how cleaver and misleading the darkness can be. I stopped paying much attention to it a while ago, but now it's one of the only reference points for "established" spiritual information I have.

[Jeff]

K awakenings are definitely part of the path taught by Jesus. In the bible, it is described as the power of the Holy Spirit. There are many scriptures that explain similar concepts.  The problem has been the "translation and explanation" of scripture by the organized church.  Much of the understanding has been lost.

Get a King James version of the bible (more literal translation) and read the new testament, you will find big differences from what you were probably taught.

A few of my favorite...

1 John 1:12-13
 12But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:13Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.

Luke 17: 20-21
20 Now when He was asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, He answered them and said, "The kingdom of God does not come with observation; 21 nor will they say, 'See here!' or 'See there!'[d] For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you."

John 7:37-38
37 On the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, "If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. 38 He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water."


Namaste, Jeff

[dotdotdot]

Thanks for the reply. I would have to agree that Awakening is Christian as well when you read about Jesus, Saints, etc.

Do people that didn't seek out an awakening ever have trouble overcoming negative emotions(sometimes resentment) at the fact it wasn't their choice? Not that I'm ungrateful, but what initiated the whole thing seems extremely cruel. Sometimes I wonder if the benefits are an apology from the Universe, but it's an extremely prentious idea to think the Universe has anything to apologize for.

The biggest difficulty is being stuck in a shifting perspective of being blessed/cursed that my life will never be the same, especially because I didn't ask for this or was even aware of it.

I'm definitely grateful that the Universe didn't let me think I was crazy for too long before running into a few people that clued me in.

My questions are pretty endless, but I don't always feel like asking them. Thanks again!

[Wanda]

Do people that didn't seek out an awakening ever have trouble overcoming negative emotions(sometimes resentment) at the fact it wasn't their choice? Not that I'm ungrateful, but what initiated the whole thing seems extremely cruel. Sometimes I wonder if the benefits are an apology from the Universe, but it's an extremely prentious idea to think the Universe has anything to apologize for.

Yes. I agree with every word here. As if it was written by myself.

Maybe it helps to know that there's at least two of us.   

My awakening started with ferocious nightmares as a child, and so it went for many years, all darkness and horror. Then came the first ever flicker of light, and I gradually started to have more of those light and pleasant experiences.

Right now, I'm all meek and humble and grateful for whatever moment or period of joy I'm granted. Would I be, if I hadn't been beaten into a pulp before? Is my surrender only adjustment to circumstances, a survival technique?

I submitted to God to stop the pain. Is there anything in my love and devotion and desire to do His/Her will, that's authentic, or is it all just an act? Trying to convince myself that this is what I wanted, so that it would be easier...

Sorry, your post must have triggered something in me! What I intended to say was, surely God knows us better than we know ourselves... Read Psalm 139, it helps.

[dotdotdot]

Thanks Wanda, glad that it made any sense to be honest, haha.

I'm having some difficulty right now, especially with my digestion(even after exhaustive efforts to tailor my diet). It seems that there is an extremely limited amount of food I can intake without problems and I'm worried about losing too much weight. Before this I took a lot of pride in how developed I had gotten my body and it's frustrating letting it go. Something about getting in touch with my feminine side.

Yoga seemed to be a good idea to balance my energy and get the junk out of my stomach, but it's not going too amazing anymore. I found an older Hindu teacher instead of a soccer mom type, which worked out well until I noticed when she could pick up on when my energy starts to flow. It seems to make her a little too curious(and then apprehensive) sometimes. She started including and putting emphasis on the word Sadhus when talking about yogis. The situation has started to make me a little too nervous or uncomfortable the past couple of weeks, which just makes my stomach worse. She's supposed to have a background in Ayurvedic medicine, but I haven't approached her about my stomach. I don't know what's being held onto, but it's extremely difficult to eat consistently.


There's been a big emphasis on Pomegranates and Walnuts in my dreams, but I can't tell if that's diet advice or strictly symbolism.

I'm not going to go overboard with the questions as it's hard enough to make too much of my thoughts on this into coherent paragraphs, haha. Any advice on helping my stomach out would be really appreciated.

[Jeff]

Stomach issues are pretty common.  At first, your body may be trying to purge toxins, then your digestion process may change to increase the air mix in the process.  Lots of gas and grumbling.  Make sure you are drinking lots of water.  My water intake probably tripled.

On the Pomegranate & Walnut front, for me it was Goji berries.

Namaste, Jeff

[dotdotdot]

Let's see if I can organize any of the thoughts that run through my mind. It might be a good release.

I seem to go through stages of constant analysis that paralyze my decision making. It might be all the years of spontaneity being balanced out.

I crave chocolate quite a bit lately. So I sometimes stop when I see a vending machine. The problem is that I can stand in front of it and spend 30 minutes thinking about whether or not it is a good desicion to buy one. The pros and cons will weight out in my head: Well, I'm feeding a Goddess and that would usually mean only the best food. A typical candybar has all types of unnantural junk in it. I've been reading a lot of Indian Philosophy and there is a strong emphasis on restraining the senses. But some of them also consider the mind a sense, and maybe I've fallen into that trap. It is a restraint of the senses after all, not abandonment. Sometimes I forget that and cut myself off from experience. When you cease experience, do you cease to grow? Then I question what experience really is. If it is eating that candy bar or that feeling I get when I can disengage my sense gratification for long enough. This is a poor example and it's hard to express how detailed the process actually is or how far I can take it.

In a way, it is a nice experience, but I know I have to eventually decide to buy it or walk away. But then I think that I don't have to really do anything. I can sit down and analyze this for as long as necessary, or decide not to do anything ever again as it seems that any decisions lead to some sort of suffering, but so does indecision. The circle can move into the acceptance of suffering as a part of life and a tool for growth, but I'll stop.

There are times when these internal debates will be one big continuous circle. It will spiral back to the beginning of the problem, work it's way through looking for new options, work it's way to the top, push a little farther, plateua, and fall back down. Eventually it seems to ripen and it will rush out in a really beautiful, poetic expression, but it can also grow stale if I don't engage it. Growing stale in a plateua seems to drive me a bit mad and it can take some work to break through it.

Anyway, I worry that I may find something that I can't break out of and may stumble into deep psychosis. Most of this seems to be a result of that first experience. I can only describe it as a prolonged near-death experience. Prolonged to the point that my mind was forced to expand way too fast and pretty much shattered. My rationalality can explain it as my mind being unable to handle the pain/stress of the situation, splitting, and eventually slipping into a visualization for it. Maybe a personification of my conciense. That worked for a decent amount of time(and still does) as I rebuilt and tried to repress the whole thing.

I even ignored all the completely unexplainable stuff that started to happen to me as residual psychosis or PTSD induced "experiences" Unfortunately, I started to partly rebuild in the same direction and got broken again, though not as severe. The fortunate part is that it happened around a group of people that recognized what was happening and they pointed me in the right direction.

My intelligence seems to be one of the biggest problems so far. I explain to myself that the only reason a shield to keep from feeling other people's energy works, is because I want it to work. This causes me to lose faith that it's real. I'm not sure why my idea in the power of the mind conflicts with my faith in a higher power, as if there's some seperation between the two.

Most of the complications seem to come out of a lack of understanding, through lack of information, through lack of direct experience. Although I've been exploring scriptures for spiritual information, none of it seems to applicable all the time. It's just a reminder that nothing is constant, maybe even the divine? Or just certain expressions of the divine. And just like the scriptures, it's nearly impossible to explain any of this without the main point being lost in verbal expression/translation.

These circles are probably a result of not being able to stay grounded. It's extremely hard to reground if I get too far gone, which usually requires the stuff I'm supposed to avoid(sugar, alcohol, etc.) But just like everything else, it doesn't seem to last forever and might just be a phase of the growing process. Whenever frustration sets in, I look at the progress from 2009's Halloween.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. Not poetic or beautiful in any way, maybe just an attempt at trying to come back down and make sure that I'm not TOO crazy, haha! I do have more questions about feeling energy on one side instead of the other(or center), meanings of my "lucid dreams", etc. but trying not to go too far with it right now. Please don't be too harsh, it's all still pretty new to me ...

[dotdotdot]

Wow, the shortening of the ideas really leaves that with a manic feel. Sorry about that...

[dotdotdot]

A short description of one of the first experiences:

Seems there is a period of being blacked out. I come to, but I'm not in the hospital anymore. Now I'm somewhere in the woods sitting in a big wooden chair, but it doesn't really look like me. I have long hair, a crown of thorns, and a purple dress on. It's hard to tell if I'm a woman or what. I'm also intoxicated to the point I can barely tell what's going on, but I can make out people in white robes dancing around or something weird. It all has a very Pagan ritual feel to it, but I seem to be a fuel source for whatever it is they're doing, if that makes any sense at all.

I come too and grab a Bible as the whole situation has become that frightening. I open it up and it's all about how they dressed Jesus in a purple robe before the Crucifixion. The whole thing pushes the boundaries of ridiculously bizarre. I still lean toward the idea that my body was in so much pain that my mind had to detach and wander around to avoid anymore trauma from being concious. I just wonder why I saw what I saw though.

[dotdotdot]

Guess I should clear up the Christian part of this as it wasn't explained too well. It seems to manifest itself when the Darkness is there. The whole experience can take on a whole burning in hell with demons type of thing. Even though I pretty much turned my back on Christianity a long time ago, that fear of Hell got beaten into me as a child especially with my mother warning me about demons and such. There's also a problem with the idea that I had to "sell my soul" to get the pain to stop. Not that I wasn't calling for God, Krishna, Jesus, whoever the whole damn time, but they never came. It's my fear that my soul is already spoken for that bothers me, even if it was just a hallucination.

The whole Darkness and Light can go past demons and angels into enlightenment and illusion, and I know this will sound completely insane...but Aliens and CIA. There was a strong dissapointment when the "Aliens" told me there was no choice but to work with the CIA because that's just the way it is, haha! So the other side of the "selling my soul" coin was being forced to sign a contract with the CIA, an organization I despise. I suppose Aliens vs. CIA was one of the closest things in my mind to good vs. evil at the time, but it still left me wondering how soon I was going to be wearing a foil hat or something crazy. It took me a while to realize it's not always what they show you on the surface, but why they show it to you.

The Christian background just leaves me with problems in dualism, working for one side instead of another, forgetting that it's more along the lines of working with both.

Then the Christian problem arises again when I see the correlation of a serpent leading you to the forbidden fruit scenario.

So yeah, the whole thing is completely ridiculous, so I don't take it too seriously except for that "DONT DO THAT" feeling. It's lead me into a lot of contemplation on the suffering I experienced and how suffering in the appropriate context can lead you closer to God, as she is definitely here now. But I even wonder about the transient nature of that relationship.

[dotdotdot]

I'm going to make one last attempt at this now that my Candida fog isn't so bad.

It's like being tied to the back of a truck with a rope. The truck is going to drag you whether you like it or not, so it's better to try to stay on your feet. The problem isn't always keeping up, but once you get in the right stride you have time to notice the rope is strange, the truck is strange, and the driver(s?) are strange.


Then some sinking feeling creeps in that you don't quite belong with the drivers and you don't belong with the people you pass on the street. It can cause me to decide to stop running for who knows what reason. Maybe I don't like the alienated feeling.

It also doesn't help that the drivers are always telling me to relax, like running behind a truck is normal.

[Wanda]

your post must have triggered something in me!

glad that it made any sense to be honest, haha

I wanted to thank you.

When I hit the send button for my previous post, I felt a major relief, as if a huge weight had been lifted from me.

And ever since, insights have been incoming about this particular aspect of my journey. I am grateful. You, are beautiful.

the drivers are always telling me to relax

Sounds like good advice.

Have you already found the "Grounding and more" page on this site?

All the best to you,

[dotdotdot]

Thanks Wanda, glad you got some new insights.

Not really a big scripture quoter, but I do remember hearing some verse along the lines of the only people that truly know God are the ones that had to fall to their knees and call his name. Not sure why that is, but it seems to make sense. Maybe they should think of a better way?

About the grounding, I try, but when I'm doing everything I'm supposed to, even the grounding gets intense. It all seems to be leading into another big experience, which I'm not too crazy about. Even the small ones are crazy enough, not that they aren't cool. The big experiences are just...I don't know, hard to adjust to afterwards. It's not like being visited by a spirit once in a while, more like overwhelming mayhem.

[John Frusciante]

If you look at any picture or rendering of Christ and his Saints, their arm will always be upturned with the hand in a delightful mudra.
This is from Kundalini energy (Holy Spirit).
There is a large wealth of Christian writings on meditation (prayer) and awakening.
Also check out this vid

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOGXdLoNl2w

Elder Cleopa describes Kundalini phenomena nearer the end of the vid

[dotdotdot]

Thankyou! That video actually helped a lot. For some reason, the part about being a rotten old man made me feel better, haha.

I've read more of the pages here and that has helped as well. Grounding is getting better, but the confusion and all that will creep up on me if I don't keep up with it. The confusion or distortion can really pull me in a bunch of different directions, trying to figure out what's causing it until I remember to ground myself. I went crazy on my diet for a while(thinking it was the cause), which is evening out, thankfully!

Accepting the process has gotten better and the weird stuff isn't so weird anymore. The overwhelming coincidences still make my stomach churn. Getting adjusted to new phases or the nasty parts can be rough at first too. That's usually when the atmosphere can seem pretty bleak, even survival can come into question.

Anyway, there's a pretty big emphasis on learning how to ask for help in my process, and that's what I attempted with my posts. So thankyou to the people who replied and helped me remember that I'm not the only one going through this!


One last question, is it normal for it to burn once in a while? I read the explanation of the Fiery Descent, but still, that doesn't feel too great.

[LovetheLotus]

dotdotdot, I am new here and came from a Catholic background. Right before my 180 degree turn, I was a devoted Catholic to-a-tee. But that all changed in one night but the process for me started some years before that. So I understand some of what you are sharing.

I am still confused about a few things but getting more grounded like you.

And I am very grateful for this forum.

So I would like to thank everyone but esply Mysteress.

Mysteress, thank you for being you and helping the rest of us. I can't thank you enough.

[Mystress]

I started a long response to this some weeks ago but a crash ate it so I guess it wasnt to be.

  I dont think you are having a shamanic awakening... but christian devotion is one thing that can stop if cold, like the gods give up on you. Christianity is very duality based and Shaman path transcends that.

  Two things came up for me reading your posts; one is diet. You go get your blood sugar checked out, hypoglycemia can cause a lot of fear and paranoia stuff, plus your body needs more calcium to calm you. 

  The other thing is some healing methods for post traumatic stress I have been developing lately. This new technique for resolving PTSD is a result of my own spiritual research and it is copyrighted.

   Realize you are two people, normal calm person and freaked out child abused terrified christian post trauma guy.  We split ourselves like this, to have a scapegoat to protect us by taking all our pain and fear, and this little childhood sock puppet can grow to seem a powerful thing that takes us over... but recognizing the change of state and starting to relate to your fear based self differently is a key to resolution. 

  This part of you that is telling you fear stories is your servant doing what you asked it to when you created it long ago. Trying to keep you safe. When you start to relate to it like that, getting a sense of it, its purpose and nature,  reclaiming your power and realizing it obeys you; then you can give it your thanks for its loyal service, and a gold watch and retirement party in the Light. The gold watch is symbolic of course, a traditional gift from the employer upon retirement. Just imagine it. Time for the sock puppet to clean out is desk and take a long and well earned rest in the light.

The results of it are miraculous, especially when done from a place of sincere gratitude and acceptance. Its not the sock puppets fault it makes a mess, it was given its job description by a frightened child... and obeys as best it is able until you accept that it is your own creation, and instruct it otherwise.

  Many people, have more than one post trauma sock puppet, a whole team of specialists created in response to different traumas... treat them all the same, just takes a little longer to locate and recognise them all. Some of the tougher ones will try to tell you why you need them to keep you safe; dont believe it, ... its just a reflection of your old fears and an opportunity to face them and left them go.

[dotdotdot]

Hey, thanks for being kind to a half-crazy person.

Actually got my blood sugar checked not too long ago for some other concerns; they didn't indicate any problems though. My doctor is somewhat of a revolving door though, so I'm not too impressed with his thoroughness.

My Mother's side is prone to panic attacks and such, so it can be difficult when coupled with the hyper-vigilance I developed. That and the sock puppets you described can really filter information in weird ways at times, but I try to stay aware of it.

I'm not overly convinced of the Shaman situation either. People have thrown a lot of words at me in the past year from that, channeling, "hitchhikers" from my NDE, and just crazy. It's beyond confusing...but I probably fall in your category of the NDExperiencer that's desperately rushing to get home.

My NDE is confusing enough, somewhat like having a koan imprinted in my head at all times. Some misunderstandings and probably karma lead to an extremely nasty environment for the whole event, so my mind can be a serious mess at times. I didn't get the typical "follow the angels into the light" experience, more like having my ego violently crushed before anything cool.

The world of Lucid Dreaming has been blasted open for me, and it's pretty much what I live for right now. Hope that doesn't sound too bad, but it seems a lot closer to home. Plus my connections with my dream guides are stronger than any I have here. In a way, it's sort of a coping mechanism because if I don't handle my business here, I'm not allowed to do much when I dream. It leads to some problems with impatience trying to get all my stuff done though.

I've read something in a Lucid Dreaming book about a dream charachter telling the dreamer to read more Gospel and less Castandeda, so at least I'm not the only one who has some blocks from Christian upbringing.

About the sock puppets and negative guys, they never go all the way into the light. I might be too happy to see them go. My mind has a weird way of working, for example, when I visualize roots going into the ground, there's always a little monster under the earth that runs up and latches on. Not sure what that's about...

Don't know  if anything is getting clearer for me, but it's getting easier as I accept that I'll be here for a while.

Thanks again for the reply, and I'm open to input from anyone...

[Jeff]

Read something in another forum that made me think of you.

You may have become a little chakra top heavy.  Too much focus on the crown or 3rd eye could lead to some of your feelings.  Maybe try more grounding or some practices which focus on the lower chakras. I think it could help.

Namaste, Jeff

[dotdotdot]

Hey, thanks for the advice. Energy seems to go directly into my forehead like its preferred place. Sometimes it's more on one side of my forehead(usually right) instead of the middle. Does anyone know if this is a problem or if it's significant in anyway.

Trying to stay focused on grounding right now, which isn't always successful. Like I said, anytime I tune into it, energy goes straight to my head and rarely to my spine. The only time it starts in my spine is usually at night, and I have nothing to do with that one.

One question I do have is, can you attract negative thoughts when you meditate or are you just more aware of them? Sometimes I swear when I start getting somewhat deep into it, I reach a point where it's one really loud thought after another trying to distract me. Not to mention things in my room start to make popping noises around me. I try not to think this way, but it really seems like something's trying to pull me out of meditation. I guess my imagination kind of leans in some weird direction where there are things that are attracted to the energy you work with in meditation.


Also, after some of my experiences, I'm really interested in OBE's. I kind of think that since my NDE and all the trauma, my spirit isn't too connected to my body. Is this something I can pursue and practice, or should I just let it happen when it happens?

One last thing, what's the deal with multiple dark nights like you have to figure out what it wants or something?

Thanks again for the support. I do have a counselor now that is familiar with Kundalini, but after testing the waters my gut kind of tells me to keep most of my experiences to myself. So, it's mainly someone to talk to about normal topics but it's hard holding all of the completely crazy stuff in.

[dotdotdot]

One more, can too much energy cause joint and muscle problems? Lots of achy and popping joints with musle tension. I don't know how to release any energy, so I guess I just circulate it or something.

[Jeff]

Dotdotdot,

The "energy" follows your attention or awareness.  During meditation, just "pay attention" or focus on another part of the body.  Maybe try focusing on your heart beating for a while.  Or, just "feel" your hands.  Once you "break the habit", it gets easier.

Many times "Loud thoughts" can be the "Ego" trying to get you to engage.  When you "chase" the thought you give it energy.  Ignore it and it will die on its own.

Also, energy does not cause joint or muscle problems.  Think of it more like the energy helps "vibrate" stuff loose. You may just be now noticing it. It could also be a product of your sitting or meditation position.

Namaste, Jeff