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[Eleni]

I had never had a consious meditation until this June .(I have certainly cleared my mind by washing dishes or by painting...in the past). I took part in Dynamic Kundalini with two friends of mine. They had made Kundalini before into a center of Osho here in Greece . We hadn't any teacher or helper with us . We did it for Seven days.

The first day i realised that i could clear my mind very easy, no thoughts but black or grey, nothing else . The second day,during the second part of the meditation ,i felt anger for a person and i was hitting in the air by force and too much anger, i remember that i cried a bit  .But i let it all out. I wasn't the leader,the feeling was . The other days during the meditation i felt the Energy all over my body, i felt heat into my palms and numbness. We had a dog into the house and at the last part of meditation, when i was lying and any time that she was passing next to me, that, i'm calling energy was becoming more intense . So much, that was jolting me. From the first day of meditation my eyes were going backwards, but i was restoring them every time that happened. Until today, i haven't learned what was it. Was i close to passing out ?But I didn't felt that way.

The last day when we finished, after a few hours my brother called me and told me that he had a car accident. I asked him if everyone was ok , he told me yes and i took the car very calmly without rush. When i arrived, i saw that everyone was ok , except from the cars that i wasn't care from the begging. I stayed into the car watching my brother giving his identification to the police. After a while, i decided to go there checking the damage at the car.  When i approached the point of the accident and the people there, my knees suddendly  bended , i shuddered and it started  that " cold sweat ". I thought that was symptoms of fear but i wasn't afraid and stayed there to feel it.Could be those symptoms , symptoms from someone unprepared for Kundalini awakening , that i read today ?

When the meditation days finished , i got lost, literally and " metaphorically "into a department store .My friends scared and called a student of Osho that they knew. He told them of course that i had to be grounding. I never talked with him, they force me to talk to him when i couldn't talk. But i did't ask to talk to him neither the time i could, because i wasn't feeling good that he gave advice,without hearing me.I felt that way because of my ego,but he helped me  with his two phrases. ''She should grounding by getting exercise, dancing or swimming " . " Do not do any meditation until the summer pass ".That was the transmission of his words from my friends' leaps. The last phrase was that hurts! I knew that i wasn't into " here and now", but i wasn't afraid at all, and some how i knew that i was safe .My body knew what to do. The body and all of my happiness forced me to dance all the time, i couldn't stop dancing, before i Knew his advice my body leads me to grounding. But except this i could lead my energy everywhere i wanted into my body just by breathing and thinking a specific part of my body.So when i learned about the grounding except the dance, the swimming..and the abstinence from Kundalini i was ledding my energy into my feet until they were tingling.

The summer passed  and i haven't done Kundalini again,i was running,dancing, swimming and i was feeling more and more Love inside me for everyone. I could see the profound truth of everyone i was talking with. Sometimes not at once , but finally i seen it. I can't smoke and i can't eat fish .I wasn't eating meat and now i stopped eating fish too. My strength has grown .

Finally,before 4 days i found a kitten in the street ,was hurted in the head and i took it home. I took it into my hands and was sending my energy there, until they became very warm and were tingling. The kitten was hardly breathing and suddenly screamed too loud, stretched its body and stayed there still without breathing. When that happened i felt something into my hands like electricity,i think it was its energy. I was so scared i run away crying loundly, i thought it was dead, but it wasn't. I took it to the vet ,it had concussion. I ask her about its reaction and she told me that was passing away. I took it home and i stayed awaked 2 nights. I had to feed it every one hour and making it an injection. The third day, it passed away. And for a moment i felt that if i wasn't scared i might could help it passed away earlier and wouldn't suffer from the epileptic crisis that  had  every few hours.

So many things happened  in such a short time, i can't say that i am crazy , i know that. I am touching my feets with my hands to be grounding. To know that i m into reality. But i think that Kundalini ''is calling'' me again. Today , i learned all about Kudalini and that she is a Goddess. What should i do to do the meditation again? I do not feel fear, but respect , maybe it is not the time for me to receive more from that gift. I felt after those 7 days the profound meaning of patience.Minute by minute i feel more clean , pure and opened. I feel better !

Thank you all.

[Sigmund]

Hi, Eleni.  I know what you mean about focused activities clearing your mind.  For me, that happens when I watch movies and when I drive my car.   As your experience shows, the focus of the retreat, having fewer distractions, is helpful for seeing more deeply.  We get to participate in/ from deeper levels of consciousness and can get into what can be described as waking dreams. 

Retreats and observing oneself help practioners be more and more able to see what's theirs and what's others.  In addition to routinely picking things up from each other, when we're with other folks, especially under contained conditions, people will act out what's going on and what's not being expressed in the group.  The great American mythology scholar Joseph Campbell said. "Dreams are private myths.  Myths are public dreams." 

Unusual emotions are a sign that the crown chakra is closed.  Heavy emotions will do that.  When the crown is closed, emotions come out through our bodies and through how we act with other people instead of exiting harmlessly through our heads.  Happily, we can open the crown by seeing/feeling/imagining the top of our heads as a flower with an infinite number of petals, opening. 

Animals bring different pieces of divinity.  Sometimes, they are our totems, helpers from the spirit world.  Their message is for us to take on their special qualities which becomes guidelines and medicine for us and our continued spirtual growth and developing.  Finding what those qualities are is an easy on line search.

What you felt at the scene of your brother's accident was the energy from the crash.  Your higher vibration made some of it go away while some of it stayed with you. 

The combination of your retreat and the accident was energy overload and shock.  It makes sense that you'd be confused and not be able to speak or remember where you are.  It's good you had people you could count on.

There are many ways to get rid of held energy and how things affect us.  You're having success with the ones you do.  I add to my success by clearing my body, too, so I'd see my chiropractor and do some massage; the health of the body supports the health of the mind.  You'll be able to sit better when your body's cleared, too.  And, as long as you're able, physical activity is always helpful clearing and settling, too, like the dancing which is a very good sign when your energy was dancing *you!*

You mention grounding as a way of settling, clearing and balancing.   For more on that, take a look at this page - using grounding to clear the way for clearer understanding to rise.  Surrendering and using your spark, mentioned below, makes this better, by the way.   

   http://kundalini-teacher.com/meditations/gr_anim.php?searchresult=1&sstring=grounding

As far as meditation, ask your inner voice about that.  If something comes to you before you finish asking, that's the right answer. 

Your work is making your mind very flexible and you're seeing the oneness and sacredness of life.  Respect brings rich rewards.  So will surrendering your cares, worries and concerns and asking for help when you want.   In addition to how you express gratitude, see/ feel/ imagine (whatever comes up and works for you) it coming from your abdomen, behind and below your navel, in all directions.  That's the seat of the soul and it's not only made more of by our gratitude, it changes energy we don't like into something beneficial.  More about that here - soul spark - http://kundalini-teacher.com/meditations/soul.php?searchresult=1&sstring=spark

When you're out of balance, balance can come out of that.  How you do that is called learning.  All the best to you. 

[reitludgar]

As a newbie to K I am finding the information here a comforting mix of mysticism and common sense. Thank you for sharing.
Humble seeker of simple truths,
Paul Reit

[Eleni]

Hello from my Soul to Yours Sigmund,

You are the first Soul that Knows what happened to me. That's why you are the first that does not feel fear!

I Know now that my Soul needs to break free from the eternal circle of Birth and Death and if that existence won't be my last, I'll try the next one be more prepared for that . I can feel that my body is just a home for my Soul, and i had other homes before . I have to have a strong and healthy home by all means until i conquer most of selfconsciousness .

I was standing in front of the mirror and i was looking deep into my eyes . The first time i couldn't stop crying, i felt that my Soul was talking to me , there were tears of Joy, Her tears, she is captive and now has more chances to Get Free . Now, any time i am looking to my eyes i smile and  know What i am. The funny is that  this present existence of mine is very goodlooking and slows to getting old and for a moment i didn't want to believe that it wasn't me because i like it .

I find the guidance i was looking for and I'll come back for more... Actually I'll be certainly back for one sure thing... for the Belief.

[Sigmund]

Eleni, I'm glad to hear you're finding comfort here.  I welcome you and what you have to say.

Paul, welcome, too.  Glad you've come to eat.