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[Sean]

I'm going to try to summarize this as best I can, because a lot has happened in the past few weeks which has dramatically changed my kundalini experience.

I had a kundalini awakening in January of last year. It happened while meditating, though at the time I had never even heard that word before. After finding out about it, I spent most of that year in relative solitude and peace, allowing the process to work its way through. And it worked - as much as the transformations were challenging sometimes, I never felt like anything "wrong" was happening, and by the fall it felt like things had mostly settled to the point where I could return to everyday life, so to speak. I was very happy with it, especially given that the previous three years had been very painful, and the profound connection kundalini afforded me was a welcome change from being immersed in separation.

Since then things had been going pretty well, and I was having no problems living with this. In late spring my third eye started to feel like it was getting stronger or more keen I guess you could say, and although it took some getting used to distinguishing between my own thoughts/emotions and those of others, it didn't feel like a hinderance. I even found I was able to learn to use it to navigate through my life with a fair amount of success, including basically having my pick of jobs to choose from in spite of a still-recovering job market in my area.

Then, starting at the end of August, something changed dramatically. The best way I can describe it is that it felt like my psychic awareness became global. That sounds farfetched and maybe a little arrogant, I know, but that's how it felt. It felt like some kind of power had awakened within me, although I was very skeptical to consider it as anything other than perhaps another growth of ESP. It felt like I was able to "enter" people's minds from a distance and talk to them, glean information from them. I tested this for a couple of weeks and found no concrete proof to confirm it, so I decided to ignore these perceptions (which seemed to happen automatically sometimes) and get on with my life, although something still felt very different.

Another couple of weeks passed without anything significant happening, until I started having experiences of communicating with entities who were apparently my guides. One of them has claimed to be my dead aunt, Sue, and eventually I learned the names of the others as well. At first they seemed beneficial, and I will confess that I learned some valuable things from them that have helped me grow as a person. However, since last week, they seem to be more of a detriment to my life than anything else. They started telling me that I was an incarnation of an Egyptian god, Thoth. And because I had grown to trust them, I believed it for a few days. They even mimicked other gods and made it seem like they were visiting me, including Maat, Seshat, Hades, Juptier, and Ra. Fortunately it happened during my week off (I'm a student) so it didn't have much of a negative effect other than wasting time, but they still seem to be here and they're still spewing this nonsense. I'm not inclined to believe much of what they say anymore, nor am I even sure that they're real (my grandmother was schizophrenic - maybe I am too). The problem is that I've asked them to leave me alone and stop distracting me from my studies and daily tasks, but even when they agree to leave they seem to come back a few hours later, usually trying to hide their presence. I've tried entity clearing, showing them love, helping them into the light, and although it appears to succeed each time, they won't leave.

I'm frustrated because this is happening right as I've started to regain my momentum in life after years of gradually losing almost everything (I have a new job at the airport, I'm back in school, I'm starting to make friends and date again). I can resist them if I want to, but it leaves me with very little energy for other things. And if I don't resist them, they start lying to me again and I gradually start believing it. They seem to be "testing" me for how I will use this so-called "power", which so far seems to mostly amount to helping others expand awareness (something I seem to have been doing indirectly ever since my awakening anyway) and helping departed souls move on (which I'm also not sure if it's even real).

What do you make of all this? Does this sound like a mental illness? Do these entities (if they're real) seem like they're actually guides, or are they just malevolent spirits who are getting a kick out of manipulating and deceiving me? Is there a way to get rid of them for good? And regardless, what would be the best thing to do to cope in the meantime?

Thanks for reading.

[Sean]

I would also like to add that if this is real (and to be honest, I hope it isn't), this supposed ability scares the hell out of me. At this point I avoid attempting to use it at all unless it seems like someone truly wants or needs to hear from me in this way, and when I do I don't generally announce who I am, and rather than asking questions I'll just make a few statements and then leave. Back when I believed this more I was a little intoxicated with the idea and so I used it irresponsibly at times, but you could say that I felt a sort of karmic backlash from that, and I know better now.

[Sean]

Actually, never mind... I think I understand now why they told me these things. I'm not confused about what's real anymore.

[Sigmund]

So, what happened for you to change your mind that they're no longer lying to you?