Awakening / the dissolution process

[melodicvibrations]

I'm here asking this question with hopes that someone who has gone through this will be able to give some reassurance or advice on the process of awakening, most specifically the energetic component.

This whole thing started when I was meditating 3 years ago trying to still the mind, it literally felt like energy came into my head and exploded.  At the time I was studying books like the Power of Now, Bhagavad Gita, Dhammapada etc.  I was literally unable to move for a week, it felt like my whole system was being re wired.  I saw MD's and they couldn't explain anything.

I realized what this whole process was after "coming across" El Collie's website, and then this one.

  My biggest issue is - I still have alternating pressure in my head/mind and am having a very hard time concentrating.  I tried the grounding process on this website and even after doing it (maybe I am unable to visualize it correctly) I still have the same pressure in head etc.   I have the standard energy stirring at the base of the spine, kriyas etc etc.

  I am unable to attend schooling due to the energy issues, and finding work in this economy is hard enough as it is.   How have others coped with this?  It's hard enough when family thinks you have become lazy and just doesn't understand.  I'm barley living off of support from a relative, and would like to be able to sustain myself.  I have no money for energy workers or trans personal therapists..

I read the article about "surrendering everything to the goddess", wouldn't this surrender also lead the one surrendering to the work/support they need during this time?

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You

[silviomanuel]

I use two technics which helps a lot to get ride of the negative influence while working.

1. watchfullness - osho
http://www.messagefrommasters.com/Meditation/Awareness/watchfulness.htm

2. listening the mantra while working- pillai baskaran
http://www.pillaicenter.com/

[CannabisSativa]

I'm not sure if this would help but I've felt intense pressure in my head but after a few hours it goes away, maybe you have some kind of front channel blockage?

Do you put your tongue against the roof of your mouth? I guess the energy has to exit somewhere so that's my guess.

[melodicvibrations]

I guess to be more specific - My question is about the process of surrender.  When this movement of truth is happening your sense of self is literally dissolving and transforming into one with the whole.  My main issue is - when issues are coming up what is the best way to process them? 

I used to read books on law of attraction etc before the real movement of truth started and I have this subconscious fear that what comes in my awareness will manifest.  Is there any truth to this?  Mystress wrote about how "your lease on life is up".  Should I just surrender to the whole process and not worry about past memories that come into my awareness?  I had a very traumatic past... and all of it keeps coming up. 

I feel like most of my old life has fallen away, and I'm left with very few friends (all of the old ones that weren't aligned with this new way of being fell away) and most of my family has gone away.

I feel like it's impossible to make any plans/find work because I know this process is taking me somewhere... I can see the energy all around and before I found websites like this I had no idea what was happening and was faced with more fear that I could handle.

I'm hoping that someone who has been through the whole process can give some guidance or advice,  unless you've had this force truly awakening you have no idea of how it can turn your reality.

[CannabisSativa]

I'm in a similar situation, I've been having dark nights and I am in a shitty situation. I'm not very advanced but it wasn't very difficult for me to open my energy channels, including the 3 knots, or microcosmic orbit so I've been in bliss and then I hate myself and get depressed. Yeah so I guess I can't really help lol, I feel betrayed by God and now I feel like crying. Man this is so painful.

I hope you get through this good, I think a lot of people are growing somehow, even the ones who aren't spiritual. I heard the Earth has a Kundalini so I guess it's that.

[Mystress]

 Old bad memories coming up is normal for awakening, its the karma being released and yes giving it to Goddess is the right thing to do. May seem the same stuff keeps coming up after giving, but if you look more closely you will see its another layer or different aspect.
  Give your economic worries too and often put your hands on the ground and release energy back to the earth.

  Reminder... people who arent FST lineage are requested to not try to give advice here. Thank you.

[melodicvibrations]

    Thank you.  I can feel that what you say is real.  When I started going through all this I started reading all of those "Law of Attraction books"  (which I now see is counter intuitive to what the process is.. the "Me" that would want all those things is being dissolved").  Most of the new age teachings seem to point to "what you think you manifest" - I studied all of that for years and I tend to get into this resistance when something comes into my awareness from the past that "I have to get rid of this or it will manifest".