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[skye002]

Hello I am writing today because like many of us I have been going through a lot and right now feel lonely and afraid. I have been K active for about 5 years.  For the last 2 of these years I was experiencing headaches so severe that I was unable to function in the world. I consider myself fortunate to have had the support to lie in bed in a darkened room out in the country for weeks or even months on end. Then one day about a month or so ago the headaches started to slowly subside until they disappeared completely. I was overjoyed! I still am...the headaches are gone
It did not take long however before I started experiencing an entirely new "reality". I have been visited multiple times by those who appear to be star beings, shamans, my shadow, my inner child, those who appear to be the higher selves myself and of those around me...and not just in visions, I have seen many of them in the third dimension. I have been unintentionally astral traveling and my entire perception of reality has been completely shaken.
I now look out into the world and I wonder what is real if anything. I see a hologram, a matrix and find myself feeling hopeless and afraid at times...wondering what is the point to any of this? What are we even doing here?
I am also being intensely confronted with my belief in good and evil, a belief that I have "sinned" and a fear and hatred of god and punishment, heaven and hell...Fears I did not realize I had at such an intense level.
I have been having a difficult time staying in my body I think largely because I don't know if I even exist or if the Earth even exists for me to ground into.
Can anyone relate?

[Mystress]

  Studies of near death experiences across cultures, religions and countries report very similar experiences. There is the life review, where you re experience your whole life with perfect empathy with everyone whom you affected, so you know how it felt to know you.

   After that you are asked, "How well did you love?" and you are left to judge that, for yourself: the life review has given you all the data.

  This information is so powerful that in the 90s the Pope came out and said heaven and hell are states of mind, not places you go to after death.  Of course he did not also apologise for the people murdered for witchcraft or heresy, or the tortures of the inquisition... 

  But if there is purpose to be found in life, I would say its about learning to love better.  Keeping in mind that we do not all love or experience love the same.

[skye002]

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my message Mystress. I would first like to mention that I have had near death experiences...both types...but did not realize they could be effecting me. You are not the first person to see this in me without me divulging this information. After reading the description of NDE's on your website I found it interesting when you used the term the "duckling effect" because one of my nicknames is baby duck and because that is how I often find myself feeling like a lost, vulnerable little duck. I am familiar with the life review and have become much more conscious of how my actions effect others and have been really making an effort to love and encourage and to help instill peace of mind compassionate acceptance to those around me to the best of my ability. I am grateful to say that with the exception of what feels like an alien presence in my upper back/lower head (have you ever heard of such a thing?) I have not been having any further experiences with entities. The fear of god I developed seems to be transforming itself into more of a reverence for god that will sometimes turn into fear. I do understand that heaven and hell are states of mind and that we create our own realities through our thoughts and feelings so I suppose what I am really afraid of is being trapped within my own mind created hell infinitely. I just want to figure out how stop creating hell states...how to stop living in fear and being so afraid all the time. I really work on facing my fears...a lot. I just don't know what else I can do to help myself. I am also at a loss for how to stay in my body. I have thankfully stopped the involuntary astral projections but I still feel as though I am floating outside of my body around my crown chakra and have continued difficulty convincing myself that there is an Earth to ground into (interestingly though I do feel as though I do have a body).
I thank you for the help you have already provided and any addition guidance you can provide.