Search

[davidphd1866]

Dear Mystress,

Thank you for letting me join this group.

I am nearing my 50th birthday and my wife has declared that for the sake of my longterm health, I will no longer be allowed intercourse and ejaculation. She is a devout student of tantric and taoist practices and her and her instructor both agree that it is time for me to adopt this lifestyle to conserve my energy. I will, however, still provide her with intimate pleasure, only by ways other than using my penis. 

She explains that I am to seek the ways of the "Virgin Boy" as well as the symbolism that comes along with that.  In her words, "a mature woman's vagina is no place for a Virgin Boy."

I have done some reading and see that there is quite a bit of material written on the conservation of male sexual energy and its effects on longevity. I am inclined to agree with her that this is a good prescription for me. We are a genuinely happy couple and I believe that this is her legitimate wish. I am open and welcoming to her request. I realize she may not be following the strict orthodoxy, but I am sure this is for my own good.

Do you agree? Do you think this is appropriate for some husbands when they reach a certain age? How can I best prepare my mind and body for such a new pathway? I greatly appreciate your--and the groups-- thoughts and comments.

David Henderson

[Mari]

FST teaching for the males is to have regular ejaculations to keep prostata healthy. Your wife and you decide what's best in your unique situation, but FST isn't advocating celibacy. Many other traditions are.

[davidphd1866]

Mari,

Thanks for the reply.  If you read my post carefully, you will see that celibacy is NOT being recommended here.  Rather, it is the absense of ejaculations and intercourse.  (not the same thing) Sexual intimacy is still being done.   

Further, the prostate does not require regular ejaculations for health.  That is a popular myth that men would love for women to believe.  I confirmed this with my urologist.  It is a gland, and you don't have to "exercise" glands to keep them healthy like a muscle.  Do you have to regularly empty your pancreas?  Do you have to make sure your pituitary is emptied once a month?  Of course not. Would all priests and monks have prostate cancer due to their celibacy?  They don't. 

So I guess my question becomes, is this group basing all of their recommendations on a myth?  I sure hope not.  Can anyone else chime in here please?

David

[melodicvibrations]

Wouldn't call it a myth.  


http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3072021.stm

[Mystress]

   You asked for differing opinions then abuse the one who offers them? That doesn't make a friendly discussion, it makes an obvious troll. As for studies, it depends on which one you want to quote, there are plenty going both ways regarding ejaculation and the prostate, plus others which focus on other aspects of aging such as hormone levels and tolumeres. If you look hard enough, you can find a study to back up almost any position you want to take. There is one study suggests that ejaculating 3x a day can extend a man's lifespan up to 8 years.

  If your wife is denying you intercourse and ejaculation, then its celibacy.

  I do not teach taoist tantra because I think most of it is scarcity conscious crap. Taoists did not practice grounding, it was all about circulating the energy you have, which is silly when anyone can tap into source and get all the energy they need.  Ejaculation is a healthy stress release for men, which in itself promotes sleepiness and longevity. Ever been very stressed and not realized how tired you are until you relax? I know men who use ejaculation as a sleep aid.

  One taoist master claims to have lived for 300 years.. do you believe it? I do not. Some of the texts are so sexist, the refuse to admit women have any power at all and talk about women like they are all sex vampires out to steal mens vitality. Some get extra weird and try to get women to stop their periods too. Really bad idea, nature designed us right. Periods are cleansing, especially for sexually active women.

  I teach men to delay ejaculation to increase pleasure, to dedicate their release to Goddess because what is given to Her comes back multiplied, and to eat their semen to regain the nutrients and energy. Some are too squeamish for the latter, but those who do that practice discover it enhances their vitality and libido.

  I have noticed that some women approaching mid life find a lot of reasons to restrain their partner's sexuality, and I find it a little sad really. I have one male friend who is grieving because his wife finished menopause and what used to be a passionate intimate relationship is now abstinent due to her complete lack of desire. I hope she chooses HRT.

 

[davidphd1866]

Hi Guys,

Thank you all for the replies.  Gosh, I sure hope that I am not deemed a "troll", as I am genuinely looking for insight here. 

I agree, studies can show a lot of things, so I won't attempt to claim more "studies" than anyone else here.  Instead, I am saying that there are NO conclusive studies that demonstrate the need to OR NOT TO ejaculate.  And also that celibacy is the lack of ANY sexual activity.  I am not talking about that.  My wife and I will continue to have sex.....just not with intercourse and my ejaculation.  Doesn't oral sex count?  If I give her oral, what do you call it?  Celibacy? 

My question to the group remains:  GIVEN my wife's request, what is the best response?  To simply say that her request is wrong, doesn't help me much.  Nor does it respect that we are all approaching this life thing from different angles.

Does anyone know of the prolactin/dopamine interactions involved in ejaculation?  To say that ejaculation makes you less stressed and makes you sleep, ergo, =good; then I guess drinking does me good, too, because it helps stress and makes me sleep.

Is this really an open group?  Or must one follow the (unpublished) orthodoxy? 

Help, please.

David 

[Duu]

Hi,

I would like to point that the question you ask has so many levels of complexity that it prevents an good answer.
It is good to know what do you mean by the term tantra. Because they can be many forms also seeking diverse goals. If you have a goal, unity with tao or just achieving longevity? Could one really achieve a pleasant life, long one, and by the same opposing the tao?

Taoist say that you shall honor the way of tao, the way of nature. And if act then act gently in a natural fashion, like water. Water is completely destroyed and evaporated in some times. What if a water refused to evaporate in thinking than as water she must not evaporate because her goal is to reach the ocean. It would all end. Just think about water as she gives up her body,energy to become rain.
So if one tells birth is ok, life is ok but the death is not ok.. This is not a path of the sages. This is one complexity I read in your question.

There is another complexity, pair tantra is I think best practiced by two equal partners. Here I feel this is not the case. In the meaning that each can be responsible for their actions. So you know, the question is not about you and your experiences or belief systems. And therefore is not about ejaculation as such. It is about your wife and her belief systems and her goals and fears for you. And then about you and your goals.

Im not thinking that conservation of energy by limiting ejaculations is working, nor worth the trouble. Also to practice it this way is based on goals and belief system that are based on scarcity and fear. And to give validation and energy to such belief is the main problem in my view, as it may limit the opportunity to face honestly the cycles an wisdom of tao.

with love

Duu

[davidphd1866]

Hi Duu,

I absolutely agree:  My initial posting had many facets to it.  I am only beginning to understand some of them myself.  As such, it isn't easy for anyone to craft an answer.  I believe my wife is combining ideas here for what she feels is our mutual benefit.  As such, she isn't necessarily going right out of the Taoist playbook, but she sees great value in it, though.  To best describe it, I see her as trying to attain balance for the two of us.....a balancing from decades before.....to decades after.

I hope that helps.  But you have helped me, so I thank you.

David

[sami]

"I teach men to delay ejaculation to increase pleasure, to dedicate their release to Goddess because what is given to Her comes back multiplied, and to eat their semen to regain the nutrients and energy. Some are too squeamish for the latter, but those who do that practice discover it enhances their vitality and libido."

Should I trust anyone or anybody, specially a women calling herself Mystress, telling me to eat my own semen? Isn't this an act of magic?

[Mari]

I guess it's up to you and your guidance what you are doing It's written in the quote, not all men she suggests it are doing it, and it's just fine... It actually is a practise some tantric men do by their own free will. For example finnish mystic Ior Bock was well known for doing it. Ofcourse most folks probably laughed about it when reading his interviews from local magazines but he was happy to eat his own semen as part of his yogic daily practise. He was eating it in the mornings if I remember correctly

Clear the karma conserning this issue and see what your heart tells you about it then. Surrender it many times if needed. Why do you feel threatened about it? Nobody here keeps a gun on your head forcing you to eat your semen... Surrender also your fear of magic, because kundalini often leads people to deeply magical life where reality goes upside down and sideways sometimes. Eating semen if it's dedicated to the Goddess can be seen as magical devotional act too.  So clear also whatever old christian programming you have, that it smells like worshipping the devil. Then you are more free to see with unclouded eyes and heart... What's true to you and also letting others live as they wish...

Wasn't expecting you to come out insulting... about a name... What was that saying about people who start throwing personal insults when feeling insecure? hmm don't remember... If Shakti flowing from these pages make people go overboard I suggest going out, doing grounding and some rigorous exercise and then come back to reconsider what to type. If material from this web site doesn't feel good, there's tons of other sites to hang out. In the mean time, I remind you too about basic manners.

[davidphd1866]

Thank you Mari for the thoughtful comments.  I am not sure of the context of Sami's quotes.

It's quite interesting, perhaps eating my semen after offering it as a blessing is the ideal solution for us.  Can anyone offer some links where I may read more about such a practice?

Thanks again. 

David

[Mari]

David, my reply was for Sami, but if you get something out from it too it's great I didn't remember to mention it.

Some of the FST material is for the students only, so I cannot point you to any particular article here. But I googled tantra, eating semen and found many links. Didn't go to any of them, so I can't give any recommendations. 

I wish you and your wife find the solution to this that keeps both of you as happy, healthy and fulfilled as possible

Love,
Mari