A deep loss

sfruc · October 07, 2012, 11:20:33 AM

I have never posted here before, but I've been finding this site as a guide to my new K blessing. My name is Salvatore, I'm 21, and I love being alive. I have changed a lot since March 15th, 2012 after I had a spontaneous awakening. It has been a wild ride of self discovery, change, and love. I was doing a breathing exercise for free diving when it happened, when I was overcome by the white brilliant light. I was alone at my house during spring break and neither my girlfriend or parents were home. The only other being there was my beloved bird, Apollo the Sun Conure, sitting quietly on my lap taking a nap. I guess this brings me to the point - my bird Apollo died on August 21st, 2012. She was sleeping with my girlfriend while I was watching a film. About 12 midnight, I felt something horrible had happened and I went to check on my bird. She did not make any noise as she usually did and I picked her up. She was limp and her wings spread out as I held her tiny body in my hands. I screamed and screamed and screamed. I felt like a part of me was being ripped out of me. I kissed her dead body until she became stiff and my fathers (yes, I have two dads) came to comfort me until I asked them to leave. She must of just died when I got to her because she was stiff and cold 15 minutes later.
A little background: We had the best summer together ever since I went off to college. She felt my deep love for her and began laying eggs. We spent every second together and she was my best buddy. I thought she was a he for 12 years and finding out she had an egg inside her was probably one of the best days of my life.
Fellow K people, I am having a lot of trouble dealing with this loss because she was with me on one of the most prominent points in my life. What am I to do?
A day after she died, I had a vision of her while I was meditating. She came into my vision a brilliant purple - looked at me and cocked her head and showed me her happy face. I keep having dreams about her flying away and coming back to me.

Thank you in advance for anyone who responds.

Blessings,

Salvatore

AZ Alchemy · October 09, 2012, 06:01:06 PM

Dear Salvatore,

My heart goes out to you, sweetie! I'm so very sorry for your loss. I have a very strong bond with my 19 year old black cat and I don't even want to imagine losing her. They can be such fierce friends and give us unconditional love through many trying times in our lives. Maybe it was her dharma to see you through your awakening?

As a fellow animal lover, my advice is to remember that you will always have her, very alive and beautiful, in your heart - that will never change! I've even heard that animals will sometimes reincarnate and come back to us if they still have more to teach us...not sure what Mystress thinks about that.

Keep up all of the wonderful growth and hold Apollo's love close to your heart!

Much love,

Amy

Mystress · October 13, 2012, 10:26:06 PM

The vision is to show you that you have not lost her, shes only abandoned her body. She is still with you whenever you think of her.

Your story reminds me of a novel I read a long time ago. It was later made into a movie, about a man who falls in love with a bird and its a comfort for trauma. Birdy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birdy_(film)

sfruc · October 14, 2012, 11:01:32 AM

Thank you for responding, Amy and Mystress.

I believe that you are both correct that I will never lose her. I'm happy to report after I posted this I had another vision with her in it.

A lot of the summer I was worried that something bad was going to happen to her. I just had a feeling that I should make the best of the summer to make sure she was the happiest she could be. I went abroad for 6 months and was at school for another 6, so I barely saw her for a whole year. Strangely, she died the same day as my dog died 3 years ago. It's just so strange to me when I think about the experience that I had and how she was there. It was so special to have her there and I'll never forget it. I buried her with my own hands and kissed her beak goodbye before covering her with a silk cloth with my whole family to see her off. I put every shovel full of dirt and my dad and i put a stone. One of my fathers loved her too and was really sad to see her go. We have a connection that is spiritual and is really cool since it was fate that brought our family together. I wanted her atoms to go back to where they came from in the hopes that I'd run into them again someday.

Blessings,

Salvatore

Mystress · October 17, 2012, 02:12:51 AM

Quote from: AZ Alchemy on October 09, 2012, 06:01:06 PM
, my advice is to

Amy

You are not FST Lineage.

AZ Alchemy · October 17, 2012, 07:31:32 AM

I'm so sorry, Mystress.

sfruc · November 02, 2012, 06:24:17 AM

Mystress,

You're words are charged. I cannot thank you enough for your succinct and clear interpretations. Sometimes you just need someone else to say what you are feeling to see it yourself.

Thank you

and blessings,

Salvatore.