Search

[birdmandmr]

Hey, my name is Dylan Rieger. I was wondering if I could get your opinions or advice on a Kundalini awakening that I believe I'm going through.

I'm a 22 year old college student in New York. Here's what I'm going through:

Back in the spring of 2011 I lost one my friends from home in a drunk driving accident. It made me think about a lot of the tough things I've went through in my life. After about a month I read something about mindfulness and living in the moment after google searching "how to forget about the past" ( I now know it's more coming to terms with the past) I got into the habit of taking thirty deep breaths a day for probably the next couple of months.

Everything was going well until I lost another friend in October of 2011 after he took his life. After that things spiraled. From this time to now, February 7th, 2013, I have lost basically everything.

During this time, October of 2011 to today is where my story gets really interesting.

I hadn't taken any deep breaths in about 8 months and got back into. This time I couldn't stop though. I was in a constant state of deep breathing from when I woke up, until I went to sleep. I literally had no control over it. This lasted probably a month. This when I first started becoming distant to my friends and family. After the semester was over in the in the summer of 2012, I spent a lot of time by myself and once again got into deep breathing where I couldn't stop. This time though I kept tensing up my body when doing this. This is when things took a turn for the worst.

Crows eventually started following me where ever I went. Sometimes just a few, sometimes one, sometimes a whole pack. But no matter where i went there were crows cawing at me. At work, at home, when I would take a walk. But every once in a while, maybe six or  seven times this past summer, I would break down and cry or have a epiphany ( one that I remember was I thought I needed to be nice to people) this other bird, it might have been a sparrow, would come out of no where and literally fight the crows off. Sometimes only a few would come and sometimes the entire sky would fill up with this bird and they would literally fight the crows in the air or in the trees. They came the first time I had serious doubt if I would be able to make through this time in my life, the first time I started jogging and a few other times.

There would be other times when I would be outside and anywhere form 5 to 15 hawks would just start circling in the sky around me. A few times I would to work and there would be 20 hawks just sitting on top of a building not moving or making any noise. Another time there was a flock of geese in a flying V and the point where the geese converge was the sparrow type bird and the geese were following his direction. This whole time during the summer, I was probably having a dream where my friend who committed suicide would be in it.

I also would get these energy drops where I would literally feel like the energy was getting sucked out of me or energy surges where my whole body would lift up because my muscles were tensing up so much.

I got to school in the fall of 2012 and pretty much knew it was going to be a disaster because I was a wreck. Literally couldn't concentrate on anything. i tried staying to myself, which is something really hard to do on a small catholic college campus and when i live in house with 8 other people, and pretty much lost all my friends and everyone thought I was going crazy. I failed all my classes and again couldn't stop deep breathing. The crows were less intense but still there. Usually i wake up to the noise of a crow cawing out my window.

Over the winter break from Mid December to January 2013, I tried reconnecting with old friends but it just wasn't working. I decided it was time to stop deep breathing and meditation. I started exercising a little and have slowly worked by body back. As I quit deep breathing and began very slowly getting back into shape, things became a little better. The crows were still there and less intense and I began to see this hawk by itself a few times. ( I'm pretty sure it's red tail which makes me believe this is a Kundalini experience.) There was also this cardinal that followed me around for about a week which was really nice to see.

On my way back to school from home, which is about a 2 hour drive from Dutchess county New York, to Albany, I saw the most amazing things I've seen so far. My dad and I saw 5 hawks periodically along the road, one about every 20 minutes or so. They would be up in a tree just watching the road. The last  one flew away as we drove by it and I was able to notice its fiery red tail as it flew away. But then the crows showed up...

After the last hawk, I started noticing some crows. There were a few at first, the a few more. Then when I was about 2 miles form school when there were probably 50 in the sky. Then to this day maybe the most amazingly eerie thing I've seen in my life happened. There's a golf course just off the road and there thousands and thousands of crows just sitting on the ground or in the trees behind the golf course. Literally something out of a movie.

Since that day January 21, 2013 things have gotten better. I'm starting to build some of the relationships I lost back up. The crows still wake me up in the morning and follow me through out the day but sometimes there will be little song birds out my window to. There's a hawk who showed up on campus about a year and half ago ( I'm starting to think he showed up for me) and I see him every once or a while or hear his screech.


My body has really taken a beaten during this whole experience and so has my mind. Besides the strange nature things I have other Kundalini symptoms like the energy drops, the tingles, feeling hollow, buzzing in my ear, twitches when i relax.

Everyone thinks I'm crazy at this point. My mind probably hasn't shut up in, besides the last 10 days, in probably 8 months. Constantly going. But it's my voice. I don't see hallucinations, I'm in complete control of my actions, when I meditate or right before I fall asleep I can hear whispers in my ear but it's usually just nonsense. Other people see the crows and when I'm walking with someone they'll dart there head around when the crow caws. I'm almost certain this is a Kundalini awakening. I've done a lot of research checking into other disorders and I don't really have the symptoms of the other disorders. I've never in my life had a better perspective or clearer perspective about me and people around me. I can literally at this point tell what someones thinking about just paying attention and picking out the words and noticing the facial expressions. Its so weird having such a clear perspective on people's, things they don't notice in themselves, and having them think you're crazy. I never tell anyone what I notice either, just keep it to myself. Its like a gift and a curse.

Things have gotten better and people will say hi to me when they see me or teachers won't notice me as much as they were before. It basically got better after I started exercising. I was athlete of the year in high school, and my body has literally turned very weak during this time. This isn't something I can really go to other people about. I'm kind of alone here. I just really need practical advice for a a full time college student going through all this. For some reason i never really lost hope though out this. But I've basically hit a wall here. I really feel like it's not so much my mind o even spirit anymore but rebuilding my body to function and hold the energy inside better. Any sort of advice or places to visit or books to read will really help me out.

This has been an unreal experience and in some sense I feel blessed to have experienced this. I honestly feel not many people go through what I am and have experienced. But I'm ready to move and get my life back on track. I'm so tired.and anything will help. You are the first people I've ever really told this whole story to. If you need to know more about my past or some of thoughts behind this whole time, I'm open to sharing them. There's probably more i could have added but this is the main things.

Thanks for your Time,
Dylan Rieger

[Gustaf]

Hello Dylan! Or should I call you the bird whisperer?

Your story is very moving! Birds are known to be very good messengers in many cultures. Also, Goddess knows how to get your attention, and will speak to you in ways that work, for you. What you focus on grows!

I am not giving advice that are intended to replace the need to visit a doctor if you have physical problems that you know need attending to.
However, in my experience, what makes something likely to be an experience of spiritual growth, is the changes in you perceptions when they happen (including physical manifestations), insights, synchronicities, epiphanies and so on. Your ability and habit for deep breathing appears to have kept you grounded and focused throughout the experiences, which have been sometimes challenging, sometimes beautiful.

Most of us become confused, afraid or simply messed up at certain stages of this experience! We live through cycles.

The most important thing to do, is to learn how to become grounded, and make it a habit. Grounding connects you to Goddess/Source, and to your body and the earth at the same time.

I'd recommend you take a look at Mystress' grounding excercise

http://kundalini-teacher.com/meditations/grounding.php

Also, breathing is a great way to stay grounded, still your thoughts and at the same time keep you connected in the body. Sounds to me like you have followed your intuition through all this!  Excercising is good! Especially if you can do it in nature. Long walks, things like that.

And you are not crazy. Reading people is a natural ability all of us have, but we usually don't see it because we are busy projecting all of our baggage onto them. A crazy person is usually not aware that he is crazy. You are insightful, you are honest with yourself, and very intuitive. It looks like it to me that you are already on the right track. Focus on getting grounded, give you body the attention and fresh air it so craves, and be easy on yourself!

Namaste
Gustaf

[Goodway]

Your experience isn't a whole lot different than mine in some respects.  Mine rose up when I was 23.  I'm going great right now, but it was hell for a long time.  Keys to the path:  Be Good and keep in mind what God and Goddess would want you to do.  It is no joke, but if you get through it, you will be one of the happiest men alive.

Fare thee well, 

[Goodway]

There is one simple reality with Kundalini.  If you wake the dragon, you have to deal with the dragon.  It really doesn't matter whether you want to or not.

[Goodway]

... and lastly, you do realize that Kundalini is contact with the divine!  Do you really have anything to fear, dude?  Think about it.  You are scared because you can't have a non-divine world back.  How foolish is that? 

Not trying to be hard on you, but think about it, dude.

I do believe it is Kundalini and I'd believe you'd be a fool to think otherwise.

[birdmandmr]

Thanks to everyone. Thing are getting better.