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[HOFBrINCl]

Hello everyone,

I would like to first thank Mystress for composing this site. It has been such a great help for me. Currently I am experiencing the majority of the kundalini symptoms, thankfully it has been mild and turned out very positive so far. At the beginning I thought I was going insane. But this site has been has done wonders.
Admittedly, I find you a bit strange Mystress. In a good way though! Your BDSM and Shamanic background is weirdly comforting. The biggest problem I have had with my kundalini awakening process would probably be my issues with sexuality or loss of identity. I never experienced attraction to children, animals, or members of the same sex but the possibility of this occurring really did make me question my identity as a heterosexual male. Because honestly, after reading that Kundalini might make you desire these things (from multiple sources) I was freaked out and disturbed. It made me think of Kundalini as something very foreign, like a weird demonic possession. Moreover it made me really seriously consider reincarnation and the fact that I will lose this body and identity. So this really forced me to get into the nitty gritty. Thankfully, kriyas really helped me get in touch with and gain confidence in myself and relative identity. I accept that my identity will die, but I still enjoy it for what it is. I accept (sort of) that I might not be reborn as a heterosexual male in my next life, but I meet that with the confidence that if I practice well in this life I will be happy in the next. Which is comforting.
You  fit a much needed niche, and you do it wonderfully. You know what's good, straight up. Personally I lean towards Buddhism and Bon, however I really started with Shaktism (Swami Sivananda Radha's books). But once I started reciting Green Tara's mantra I kind of switched over to Buddhism. Currently I am embarking on a "spiritual renaissance" where I am taking different workshops and connecting with different teachers and lineages, even though I already have an idea where I would like to go. So hopefully this year I will be able to take your course and perhaps receive your Tummo initiation.Do you think that this initiation or your teachings will conflict with me pursuing Tibetan Buddhism?
On another note, when I was in the process of surrendering and going through kriya madness (continous torso jerking backwards or to the side) I had a vision of me sitting full lotus/cross legged on the back of this blueish/black (I think) chinese dragon, both of our backs facing my vision. I kind of interpret it as an auspicious sign of the process becoming a lot more relaxed. I also felt like it could be used as visualization while surrendering. What are your thoughts?
Thank you,
Sincerely,
HOFBrINCl

[Mari]

Hello,

Mystresses background pokes spiritual seekers. I personally had to clear some blockages and limiting beliefs before joining FST. I have been/still am quite vanilla myself, and her BDSM background made me first very judgemental. In my eyes back then, BDSM was very anti-spiritual. Because I came from a spiritual tradition that held more "spiritual warrior battling against demons" sort of idea, it was even more difficult to clear those limiting beliefs and start to see bigger view. I am grateful that I had enough courage to look outside the box I had stuffed myself in... my path has been quite focused on seeing the light in the darkness, to realise time after time that many of our judgements about good and bad are often just unnecesary taboos and fears. When the garbage of my mind is cleared, I can see what's right for me.

In a nutshell, some students in FST are into BDSM and some aren't. It doesn't matter. What matters is an open mind and acceptance.

When something in Mystresses essays pokes your buttons, it's a wonderful way to see where the limiting beliefs and fears are in you. Issues, taboos and judgements circling around our sexuality is one of the most challening topics we encounter on our path to become fully embodied. Nobody has claimed that you have to start desiring sexual interaction with animals when kundalini starts to clear your lower body, but you can imagine how big relief Mystresses words are for those people who suddenly start to get that kind of visions and feelings, and loathe themselves because of that... you seemed to get most triggered about the fear of suddenly loosing your heterosexual identity. There's the blockage to be released. Kundalini indeed makes gender issues more fluid on our way towards becoming androgynous spirit in Sacred Marriage, but usually it doesn't affect our sexual orientation. We just become more open to love in it's infinite forms.

Ego is afraid of loosing the identity. To the ego, it feels like death and it's no joke. So it fights for it's life... Give love and compassion to the part of you that is so afraid... we are always going to have somekind of ego personality/identity while being incarnated here, but during the kundalini process, the lenses get cleared. Ego is like a lense through which the spirit is able to have human experience.

FST and Tibetan Buddhism are a good match from what I know. When I have looked those lineages, there's not much women leaders there, if at all. Why's that, if the initiators of the whole lineages have often been women? Duu has studied Tibetan Buddhism a lot, so he might be better to answer your question tho.

If you feel moved to have Serpent Fire Tummo initiation, I initiate via chat. Duu comes to help too whenever he can. Tummo is also thorough energy clearing, we take our time to let the process unfold. So initiation can take few hours these days. If you want to be initiated by Mystress, she does it remotedly without chat contact to you, sending you afterwards short report about the main details coming up during your initiation. You can have personal sessions with her if you become FST student, when you have studied halfway the course.

When I joined FST, I saw in a spontaneous vision an enormously big black dragon, that had it's huge eye closed. When it opened it's eye and I looked into the fire in it, I drowned into the flames and started the journey of a lifetime Your own interpretation about the vision is usually the most useful. Kundalini also gives so much visions that there's no use hanging onto one vision. If the same theme starts to come up more often, it's time to start paying attention.

Blessings on your path, whatever you end up choosing,
Mari

[HOFBrINCl]

Thanks for your reply,

Well I would have needed to have looked at that part of myself eventually, and I am very happy I did. I feel very comfortable in my own skin now. I know that it is still sort of an issue, but I feel it is on the retreat and that I am dealing with the stragglers. It like a weight has been lifted!

I don't care about the BDSM, or that others in the lineage are into it. Whatever. Dealing with my own identity issues has made me a lot more open minded.

I'm not picky about who gives the initiation, though I would prefer that Mystress would do it. I'm not exactly sure if or when I will pursue FST and the initiation. I am waiting a bit to decide. I don't really feel a rush, because I feel I am doing very well at the moment by my self and am still very young.

I am currently going to university and I read that there is a possibility of scholarships, is that still valid?

[Mystress]

I am currently going to university and I read that there is a possibility of scholarships, is that still valid?

  Scholarships are extremely rare. It is important that students make the investment in themselves because it enhances their focus and motivation.