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[bellapisces]

I had an experience last year that I am still having difficulty processing and may fall under the category of "soul trauma'. I have not been able to fully extract the lesson or find meaning from it, which I feel has led to episodes with bulimia, binge eating, IBS, and digestive disorders that were not present before this all happened. Moreover, I felt abandoned by God at the time and still feel a little distrustful of the Divine due to the intensity of the anguish I experienced. At the time, a series of events sent me into a personal hell for weeks and weeks to the point where I wished for death.
It all started when I felt guided to attend Ayahuasca ceremonies where I felt a strong vibration of love, but that opened my heart and my energy field, which are already very expanded and empathic, to unwanted influences and multidimensional portals. After I attended one of my last ceremonies, my friend got deathly ill, and I began doing healing work on him in the hospital, feeling more and more heavy and drained everyday I came home and knowing I was picking things up and doing my best to shield and clear. Dark nightmares ensued in the dreamtime. As all of this was going on, my boyfriend suddenly broke off our relationship and started dating someone else. I went and did an initiation with the Hierarchy of Light hoping to bring In some new expansion and light to balance this dark presence that seemed to be infiltrating my life.
Then, a metaphysical group I belonged to got together that week and informed me we were sending love to a Native American Burial Ground site in the Midwest and astral traveling there. Well, as I reached the ground at the burial site I felt something hit me at the base of the skull and I felt things enter into me. I had a panick attack, started twitching ands shaking in Kundalini overload, came out of it, cried, and hoped for the best.
Over the course of the next few weeks, I was barely functional moving in and out of panic attacks and states of pure terror, seeing dark images and faces, feeling as if my heart was about to burst and unable to breathe at times. I was in HELL!!!My favorite activities-Kundalini Yoga and meditation, were pretty impossible as the yoga incited Kundalini jolts and meditation made me aware of the psychic attack of the "ghosts and ghouls" very profoundly.
At night, I would see and feel these entities and dead beings and also see rotting flesh,cockroaches, bugs, and death symbols. I would dream of being buried alive, burying others, and moving through the whole experience of drowning. In the day, I felt like I was living multiple realities-in 3 simultaneous lifetimes at once, aware of all of them, as though some interdimensional boundary had been lifted. I felt as if my Spirit had scattered and splintered off and I cried out to God to bring me back and to cast out of me all entities. The entities began talking to me and I entered into negotitions with them and most of them left. But then I began having dreams of "Star people" wanting me to come back and dreams of being on strange, creepy planets. All of this was too much to bare, in particular the absolute terror bouts and difficulty breathing and adjusting to my "Kundalini shocks" which were trying to clear my system. Finally I found some people to help me clear most of it and then I cleared the residual stuff. Yet even to this day if I go deep enough I can feel that horrific terror vibration and pray it never returns!
Does anyone want to take a stab at what is the meaning of this and what I still need to get to move on? I have done my best to chalk it up as a discernment thing (I stopped all activity-no ceremony, healing, astral travel, even though I felt called to do it at that time) and just forgive and move on, but something remains unresolved and I feel I am not receiving answers. Any insight is appreciated, thank you!!

[Duu]

Hi, that was quite a year.
Drugs can crack ego and make it more transparent that is both good and bad. When not done with guidance ego partially regrows but never regains a integrated smooth connected state. So then spiritual path gets more complicated but then again it helps in that way that the person wont ever be "normal" again so he will have to keep growing. Good thing. So then such a person is not on the same footing with others when it comes to doing unwise action with their mind. Like participating irresponsibly in spiritual games for entertainment.

What you met there is shadow and that place is not going anywhere.
Love is unity, really. What else is love? So you seeked to love a burial ground. A noble and lovely quest if you understand that symbolically. But you then surely meet all that is buried there. What else?
Sending love and not even dreaming of touching that dirty junk heap. How new agey.
Who lives on burial ground? Ghosts of the past, bad things burred deep, dead that are still alive,  what else hides in the shadow? You know that. We cover eyes. But we hear the howls, the cry of child we chained there and forgot a long time ago. Way more scary things than fluffy bunny star people.
Wanting to heal a place of death but then place of death is healing you, how ancient.
Fear and resistance can magnify simple things into huge, even those as simple as death.

Here is some more info:

http://kundalini-teacher.com/meditations/shadowmed.php
http://kundalini-teacher.com/guidance/shadow.php

love,
Duu

[bellapisces]

Thanks for your reply. I have had my share of shadow work on this journey, that portion of it last year was a little too "intense" to say the least, the content seemed beyond "me" and my tiny little problems and issues! What was confusing was my understanding that I am one with all that is and these images and painful states are a part of me-yet surely nothing I would like to re-experience and go back to! My lesson (as of now) is that "the veil" is a protection that is an important boundary and sometimes "Oneness" with all that is is just horrific.

[Duu]

Hi good that you worked at it.
To know and heal our shadow is essential to our bliss and consciousness level. 
When done within a path and grounded and not forced by drugs etc. Its a pleasant journey. Healing, resolving and learning. But great fear is a mark that we do it too fast. Just that.

To specify more precisely the oneness is not with evil things, it would be madness to seek oneness with "evil" things. Nobody asks you to do that.  You are only asked to reexamine your notions of evil and of what you shun, repress and hide within you. Then you remove what you find as stuck by healing the place. That is shadow work. Its an internal work. First step is to recognize shadow as ours. Even when it seems to be out there. 
Its a bit hard.  Just to see it as such is not yet enough in most cases. There are layers and reinforcements to it. So surely work there, but rewarding. 
In fact the shadow work is done well when it caries the marks of bliss and freedom after it.
Not when fear or sadness or "a story" or reason is revealed etc. One should not leave it half way. As already one holds the threads to unravel it at comfortable pace. Honor all what comes and then go on deeper. 
When you feel your beeing as if splintered, then there is where you should look for in the first place.

love,
Duu