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[Kavin Amul]

Hello, I am new to this site and I wanted to introduce myself. My name is Kavin and I am in an awakening process.
I activated 17 years ago with a spinal injury. Life was incredibly difficult the years ensuing with lots of depression and suicidal thoughts. Was on meds for quite a while and used alcohol and drugs to numb myself. All the while an inner prompting was pushing me to seek out things of a metaphysical nature and find the true meaning of my existence.

I wasn't brave enough to actually kill myself and I knew deep inside it wasn't the right thing to do. Long story short, one day while sitting in an AA meeting I had an experience that changed everything. I had been doing chakra color breathing exercises for the previous two weeks very intensely in the mornings. At the noon meeting, I took my chair and went right into the breathing again and instantly as I breathed into the root chakra it just exploded with ecstacy and colored light filled my vision. I took the next breath and boom! It was more intense and this time the color was orange. I was so filled with bliss and light that I was afraid to take the next breath. I would have ended up on the floor. I walked out of the meeting and sat outside and just basked in the feeling I was having.

Nothing would have bothered me at that point, I felt I had been kissed by God. That was almost three years ago now. I ended up finding a Kundalini site on the web and I joined the forum. I recieved shaktipat for the first time. I was practicing yoga and meditating.


About three months after I got the shaktipat I went on a vodka binge for two weeks. About a fifth a day. When it came time to sober up it somehow pierced the veil a bit and everything took on an orange hue and I could see all of these little light pings and black dots flying around the room. My back and neck were hot, my crown tingling, forehead felt like it was bulging out. My emotions had been kicked up many notches and compassion filled my being. I was sooooo sensitive!
Meanwhile an unseen entity was playing tricks, tapping on the glass door next to the bed, leaving designs of sticks on the porch, drums being heard in the distance  in the middle of the night. I was getting damn scared. I knew it was K and I asked to spared of the experience for fear that I could not handle it on a full time basis. And so it came to an end slowly.

Shakti has not left me but is at work full time with me now. I gave up my normal life to go and live with my newly found K teacher. I became a full time student. During this time I was beggining to have OBE'S during meditation and all sorts of epic dreams and also entity interaction during the dream state. This lasted four months, and I decided to go back home as I discovered that the teacher was not my teacher...Not my ultimate enlightened teacher....H taught me nonetheless.  

Where I'm at now, is that I was able to procure some mescaline bearing cactus recently and I am considering ingesting a low dose 100 mg's or so to enhance meditation and possibly remove the veil a bit more. I have read about the person who picked up the goat god on mushrooms... some hesitation comes in for me. Mescaline and psilocybin are not the same at all but I do know that they both put you out there in the Astral. I was hoping for any direction from anyone with experience with mescaline and meditation combos. And yes I know you can't recommend an illegal activity.

Blessings,
Kavin

(edited by Mystress because line breaks are a goodness.)

[Da Zues Mon]

Drugs have helped me clear lifetimes of karma, but by the same token, I've generated shit-loads more because of them. I've accelerated many unfoldings and processes that could have been handled much more smoothly if I didn't chase the dragon. It could be way more than you can handle. The substance threw me right in the frontlines of battle, and that was exactly what I was looking for at some point during my period of experimentation. I had to sacrifice many things like my relationships with family and friends, I had to drop out of school(again!), and the presumed stability and rhythm of my body/mind was thrown off entirely. Though of course, my usage and dosage wasn't low to say the least.

If you like where you're at right now, then maybe you should give it a second thought and let your heart voice decide for you...

Simply being mindful of the present moment is a miracle, it'll do wonders for ya

[Mystress]

  Trying to force enlightenment is always a bad idea, Surrender is the imperarive of Kundalini and what you are doing is not surrender.  Looking at your experiences I dont get the impression you are in a stable mature place to handle it and recover from a trip gone wrong.

   

[Rozanne]

.......still hurts that little rejection thing.......i'm sure at those moments it's the cosmic computer which is communicating with me.............cosmic computer yin channel (synch or yea), cosmic computer yang channel, (synch, output, yin, Yo, joy)             thanks mystress, I love you.