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[Anonymous3]

Dear Mystress,

Just one last question - I don't want to clog your page.
I have read most of this site, and some of your other sites partially, where you have written about the Goddess and sexuality. And I feel that the kundalini is important for me. Perhaps I'm a bit selfish, and tend to find myself meditating on the sexual stuff, but also I feel that meditating on the kundalini helps me focus on the energy field, and how I can increase my imagination so I can develop a better imagination for people's plight. I don't know what I'd do if I hadn't found your site. It means a lot to me.

Recently I read a bit about feminism, and I'm not into much of the external fruits of it, but it got me thinking about if there are differences between men and women that require thought/reflection and it seemed to help me feel better. Then, cos that seemed to connect me more with feminity, I considered if possibly I had earned my karma as an androgyne by overlooking the preciousness of monosexual heterosexuality. In fact it had occurred to me that I feel so out of touch with the concept of monosexuality as a "soul" that I might be backwards in some way, when processing that people have boundaries. I have heterosexual feelings, but am a very intensely jealous person and find it difficult to feel commitment on a deep level, and this is why I changed to same-sex stuff recently. It seemed to help me deal with the andro stuff, and also think about how women are also whole people, like me, which led to me developing better heterosexual jealousy feelings, which had been previously absent, as I walked around the world in my own bubble. I wondered if heterosexual monosexuality is so important, if society based religions had a justification for how they seek happiness. And how the happiness had often means marginalisation of gays and lesbians.

I'm really stuck on this.
On the one hand, I seem to feel that maybe I earned this karma cos I was Jewish in a past life, and was against gays probably, and therefore may deserve to be androgyne. On the other hand, I think perhaps the problem is I don't philosophically accept the basis for why people sought happiness in religion.

What is hurting me a lot is right now at this stage in my seeking, I'm starting to feel ashamed of how dumb I might be, and I want to overcome the narcissism, but also, it provides feelings of safety for me. I get deeply upset, if I meditate extremely strongly on how Other, people, have heterosexual attraction feelings also. And I want to get rid of this personality flaw but its also terribly painful.

Last of all I sort of desperately want to explain all my problems as being the result of being killed in the Holocaust. I can't really work out why someone apparently intelligent like me, is actually quite unalive and a-sexual compared with the average citizen, even though those folks don't take an interest in all the different spiritual stuff I'm into.

Yours sincerely,
Sephie

[Duu]

Hi,

We sometimes might think that if we find solution to our story. That will cut the confusion and we will be happy and free from that trouble it brought us. 
Our confusion was created by giving too much energy to mind stuff. And just little to what is real here and now. So if we want to cut that confusion we have to stop putting too much energy to our mind stories, that anyway mostly dont bring good feelings. And focus on what makes us feel good and on real things now. 
So solving stories is a secondary thing for the balance. As even receiving good answer will not make us grounded and keep for future balanced. As that is our job that none can do for us. Seeking for answers is tricky as what we actually mostly seek trough or in them is peace and love but true source of those qualities is inside of you. Prefer that before any drama, mind stuff.

So no powerlessness and no victim, as when you focus on what is real and joyful, loving, calm. You get more of that immediately. Guaranteed.

And if your energy, time is limited in a day, then chose wisely how much you choose feed the mind and stories and how much of it you focus on real stuff and what brings you joy.
And if there is grounded peace and answers are still needed, they will come. 

So all that past life it is just symbolic stories. Reflections of suppressed and unhealed issues here and now. Because aside of that... they are just mind stuff.

love,
Duu