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[angelprayer]

Dear Mystress,
It seems I am an energy vampire but I wasn't aware about this until someone else pointed it out. I was aware that I was one previously but in the last year have been practising drawing from another source and giving to people...therefore I was quite startled when it was suggested I had drained energy recently.

My real question is this: I am aware of energy vampirism as I was the sacrifice for one for many years...in fact my whole life until recently. Therefore I take it very seriously and wouldn't wish to impinge on other people's autonomy or self-worth in the same way that I have experienced.

I have considered that my drawing from God may unintentionally be effecting those people who find me draining.

To be honest, I think it says something that I myself do not care if other people are energy vampires because for a start, I have control over my own energy and secondly because it clearly benefits me to boost other's energy. (if it appears it is consensual).

I guess the difference is that an energy vampire lays claim to other's energy in some way. I do not demand anything of anyone, as far as I am aware, but try and be self-sufficient in everything. There is one person whose attention I do desire, as I long to be truely known by someone, and I send him messages about how my life is going. It is not known to me whether he deletes these or reads them, and has shown me that it doesn't even matter particularly what he does...it matters to me that he receives my messages because it helps me to feel accepted.

So really I just wanted to say that I believe it may be true I am an energy vampire but this is something I was unaware of, in fact for at least a year I have desire to give out energy and learn to retain enough for myself so I need not draw on others.

What interests me is that, in fact, many of my actions probably do appear a drain on others...but oddly enough in those situations I often feel I am giving something of myself.

In my youth, I was made to feel it was wrong to hold back or keep anything for myself, therefore it is still a bad habit to disclose and give too much of myself to people. Ironically this often appears as a demand on attention.

In situations where it seems to be desired, i have learned to cut off from any sense of loss by reminding myself that it is only autobiographical details about myself and not "me" that i am sharing. Thus i sort of dissociate.

I didn't realise that I probably did this in order to secure some level of friendship. I only do it in some situations, not all. Although it is also difficult because I feel I am doing something wrong when I do not sacrifice myself. So if there is any advice someone could give, it would be appreciated. I don't want to drain people, far from it, I wish others to be happy.

Yours truely

[angelprayer]

Dear Mystress,

My message above was an attempt to make sense of your calling me an energy vampire (maybe I should have put that at the start of the message so I could be understood by people reading it). I understand you think I am an energy vampire because of the way I have responded to posts on this site. I still feel like I am grovelling in order to be able to come back to this site and make a contribution. I apologise for the inappropriate-ness of my previous messages, especially if they hurt people I was writing in response to.

If you don't mind I would like to express my mind a little about the experience. Whilst I don't defend what I actually did, I have to tell you I was profoundly hurt by your rejection of me as a narcissist. I have subsequently read about narcissism and don't deny that I have narcissistic traits but think narcissism itself is a ligitimate topic on a spiritual site.

Heaven knows what I am trying to acheive by writing this. All I wanted to say really is that I value your site and have gotten past my dissillusionment.

To be honest, I have been coming to your site for almost a year. And whilst I haven't been very healthy with my kundalini, I have almost certainly been undergoing a kundalini process - helped by my reading your site in January 2007. I wish I could come back here and share some of my experiences and learn more about how to progress.

Anyhow....I'll leave it at that
R

[Emulated_Puppeteer]

Coincidence that I felt weak around you? *Waves @ ex lady friend* I like this site, liked it for a while now  

[Gustaf]

Dear Mystress,
It seems I am an energy vampire but I wasn't aware about this until someone else pointed it out. I was aware that I was one previously but in the last year have been practising drawing from another source and giving to people...therefore I was quite startled when it was suggested I had drained energy recently.

My real question is this: I am aware of energy vampirism as I was the sacrifice for one for many years...in fact my whole life until recently. Therefore I take it very seriously and wouldn't wish to impinge on other people's autonomy or self-worth in the same way that I have experienced.

I have considered that my drawing from God may unintentionally be effecting those people who find me draining.

To be honest, I think it says something that I myself do not care if other people are energy vampires because for a start, I have control over my own energy and secondly because it clearly benefits me to boost other's energy. (if it appears it is consensual).

I guess the difference is that an energy vampire lays claim to other's energy in some way. I do not demand anything of anyone, as far as I am aware, but try and be self-sufficient in everything. There is one person whose attention I do desire, as I long to be truely known by someone, and I send him messages about how my life is going. It is not known to me whether he deletes these or reads them, and has shown me that it doesn't even matter particularly what he does...it matters to me that he receives my messages because it helps me to feel accepted.

So really I just wanted to say that I believe it may be true I am an energy vampire but this is something I was unaware of, in fact for at least a year I have desire to give out energy and learn to retain enough for myself so I need not draw on others.

What interests me is that, in fact, many of my actions probably do appear a drain on others...but oddly enough in those situations I often feel I am giving something of myself.

In my youth, I was made to feel it was wrong to hold back or keep anything for myself, therefore it is still a bad habit to disclose and give too much of myself to people. Ironically this often appears as a demand on attention.

In situations where it seems to be desired, i have learned to cut off from any sense of loss by reminding myself that it is only autobiographical details about myself and not "me" that i am sharing. Thus i sort of dissociate.

I didn't realise that I probably did this in order to secure some level of friendship. I only do it in some situations, not all. Although it is also difficult because I feel I am doing something wrong when I do not sacrifice myself. So if there is any advice someone could give, it would be appreciated. I don't want to drain people, far from it, I wish others to be happy.

Yours truely

Being an energy vampire really boils down to one essential thing:  Believing that you don't have enough energy, and not truly seeing that the real source of energy is right within yourself. Actually, your being is made of it, every cell, every thought, everything.

Ever read the Celestine Prophecy?  The insights about energy struggles are really well described. If you haven't, I'd warmly recommend reading it. It's a classic if nothing else.

Sending energy to others, even if it appears that the other person consents, is also a form of energy vampirism. Why? Because it is carried with the belief that the other person needs it, and on some level this makes you feel more inflated. You are also getting a lot of karma flowing your way because of the bombardment of energy. So projecting energy this way is really a lot of trouble, for yourself and others.

If you wanna heal somebody, I'd recommend taking a different route.  In general life situations, focus all your energy on being totally and absolutely grounded and present. You overflow with energy, and it flows naturally to anybody who is open to receive it (consciously or unconsciously)  If there is a real need to healing, it should be a partnership, two people connecting. After all, all energy comes from the same source. Even if you use techniques (Reiki, Prana Vidya, Tummo or something else), I'd recommend this attitude behind it. It'll make the healing a lot less bumpy for both.

How does energy vampirism manifest itself?  It's never conscious. If you are conscious of it, you are in that moment already drawing energy from source, and are able to see the insanity of it. Here's a list of ways energy vampirism manifests:

Saying or doing things in order to get recognition or attention
Projecting need onto others, saviour complex
Trying to show off knowledge, skills, attributes, for the sole purpose to make an impression.
Feeling the need to convince somebody of your perspective or opinion
Making wrong, blaming, accusing.
.. and many others.
And remember that it is often very subtle, and almost always unconscious.

What I have learned though, is that it's the feeling behind these things that matter. Because you can still help someone in need, or say things that gets you attention, or explain your opinion to somebody, without feeling that need of energy behind it.  So it's not so much what you say or do, but how you do it. I'm still learning as well.

The best way to go beyond energy vampirism is to become more and more grounded!  Then energy flows naturally through you in abundance, and the needs to struggle for energy will bit by bit diminish.  Another great way is to check your motives when you say, do, or write something. It is in itself a wonderful Sadhana since it increases awareness of itself.  Sometimes, I discover that I was doing or saying something to get attention, only afterwards. Still, whenever it is recognized in any way, it's good.

Mystress can be very blunt sometimes, like the whack of a zen-master's cane. It can sting a bit, but Goddess knows that whack has woken me out of sleep several times!  I found it easy to type this, because there was a genuine interest to grow in your post.

In Tantra, anything and everything is used to grow and expand awareness. Why not use our issues, problems and blockages? Then, everything becomes a gift. Check your ambitions to get energy from others, in any shape, any form, and let it expand your understanding of yourself. It's beautiful, since not only will this enable you to transcend it, but also become gentle, humble and accepting towards all the shortcomings and everything else rejected!

And one more thing; Don't be too hard on yourself. If you want others to be happy, start with happiness yourself. Let yourself flow over with it. Become the very thing you wish others to have.

Namaste!
Gustaf

[Wanda]

I understand you think I am an energy vampire because of the way I have responded to posts on this site. I still feel like I am grovelling in order to be able to come back to this site and make a contribution. I apologise for the inappropriate-ness of my previous messages, especially if they hurt people I was writing in response to.

Dear Rozanne,

Personally, from the briefest encounter I've had with you, I didn't find you draining in any way. For me, you acted more like a catalyst. Your response to my post made me write a reply where I exposed some very immature thoughts... But if you hadn't brought it to the surface, I would never have known that it is there. So for that I am grateful, and in fact I congratulated myself for meeting you here at that particular moment.

You're welcome to "pool my threads" any time,  
Wanda

[Emulated_Puppeteer]

Fascinating chain reaction.  

[Mystress]

Angelpants wrote:  I have subsequently read about narcissism and don't deny that I have narcissistic traits but think narcissism itself is a ligitimate topic on a spiritual site.

 Narcissists like to talk about themselves, so it is no surprise you would think so.  I do not agree. It is a psychological illness that needs psychiatric treatment. Narcissists do not do well with spiritual growth, because they have no real concept of selflessness. So efforts at spiritual growth only end up feeding the narcissism and inflating the ego.  Psychiatry has to come first.  

 I am a spiritual teacher, not a Phd.  This space is not for you.

Heaven knows what I am trying to acheive by writing this.
 
  Getting attention, obviously. To persuade, to resist and try to control.

  Even when you are obviously acting to get attention, you do not know it.  So you are incapable of restraining yourself, or even getting out of yourself enough to really hear another. So, you are incapable of offering good advice. All you can do is feed your dysfunction.

 I realized this about you already, it is why I suggested you stop posting.

All I wanted to say really is that I value your site and have gotten past my dissillusionment.

  This is a very funny statement, as it makes so many assumptions and projections.  Energetically, it is like a gaint claw making a swipe to take a piece of me.  There is no "me" so it passes through like mist, but it is still funny to observe. The compliment is just bait on a hook. Eh? Vampires need to get people to open up, invite them in... and so they can be very charming before they stick the fangs in.

 If you were really past it, you would not mention it.  So you are not past it and want me to know you believe yourself hurt, it is a martyrdom control game with an expectation of response.  I'm supposed to feel guilty.  

 I don't.  Your choice of emotional response has nothing to do with me.  As Gustaf sort of explained, if you choose to see the whack as a gift, then it is a gift.  Wanda, applied the same principle to your previous post.. and was rewarded by a different gift from another direction.

  However as Mystress of this space I prefer a larger margin of emotional safety for visitors, than for them to open the door and have a vampire walk in at the first response.  Nyet!
 
 Disillusionment can be a tremendous gift, just ask a cult deprogrammer, who breaks illusions that are unhealthy brainwashing.  You chose to see it as harm, because you are a narcissist who is addicted to self absorption, power games and personal drama. You will probably do the same with this post. You probably tried to do the same with Gustaf's.
 
 Gustaf gave you attention because he believes you are wanting to grow. He is still a little naive about people who really only want attention, and I am writing this for his benefit. Vampiric types are attracted to spiritually generous people like bears to picinic baskets- easy pickings for a free lunch.  

 His post was brilliant for its own sake regardless of whether you benefit,  and I have little to add to it.


What interests me is that, in fact, many of my actions probably do appear a drain on others...but oddly enough in those situations I often feel I am giving something of myself.  

In my youth, I was made to feel it was wrong to hold back or keep anything for myself, therefore it is still a bad habit to disclose and give too much of myself to people. Ironically this often appears as a demand on attention.

 That is how martyrdom is. A passive agressive power game.  You give in order to recieve, (love, attention, approval, validation) and if the gift is not wanted or the giving is not reciprocated- whatever happens to defy your expectations,  then you go into victimhood to get power back. There is nothing genuinely generous about it, it is a hidden bargain, bait on a hook.  

 You give yourself away because you do not really value yourself, not because of selflessness. Not valuing yourself, you depend on other people to value you instead, and try to bargain for value by giving yourself away.  What if, other people do not play along? I do not value your sharing, I said so... but here you are again!  Not listening, not receptive to growing, but instead more manipulation, trying to persuade me I am wrong.  Once again, using this forum to get attention for yourself... but not, to grow.

The dysfunction is strongly hereditary.  Likely at least one of your parents was also a narcissist. Narcissist parents of course cannot raise a child with heathy self esteem, they are too self absorbed, can only pass on the dysfunction.  

 Thus, I reiterate:
Narcissists do not do well with spiritual growth, because they have no real concept of selflessness. So efforts at spiritual growth only end up feeding the narcissism and inflating the ego.  
 Psychiatry has to come first.





 

[Emulated_Puppeteer]

  [smiley=thumbup.gif]

[Mystress]

Quit gloating, puppet.  If you want your energy back, do a higher self negotiation.

 BTW: as "not a Phd", I cannot legally make a diagnosis of narcissism. Just an observation of tendencies and energy patterns that look like it.

 Nothing personal, Angel. I am sure you are a fine woman with a good heart. Fine Vampire... takes one to know one. Don't be jumping on the newbie threads to be the first to "contribute" anymore. Ever. Starting your own thread to talk about your own stuff is actually better, but how about if I just let you keep this one instead so you don't go overboard.  

 Rejection is navigation. You can shape yourself to my rules, or choose freedom and start a blog to talk about yourself, let people leave comments, develop your own audience.  That is what you really want anyway, a circle of validating admirers and a place to find your own style.  Nobody says you cannot have it, but it has to be consensual and your activities on this board, are not appropriate to this forum.

 

 

[Emulated_Puppeteer]

The Mistress has self doubt and feels guilt? I wash my hands of all of this nonsense, would you be a dear and delete my account while banning my ISP. Thank you kindly "Princess". [smiley=wink.gif]

[Mystress]

   I'm not going to ban your ISP, I doubt you are their only client. You can easily quit your own membership,  anytime. Why ask me to do it for you?  Are your fingers broken or is your time too precious and special for such mundane tasks so you must have princesses to serve your whims?  

I was not seeking your approval. My post was fine, it was your gloating 'kick her when she is down' attitude that put it over the top.  Tsk, using the board to extend a lover's quarrel...

[Emulated_Puppeteer]

Bless thou, you have enlighten one's sprit. Not bad for a dyslexic if my ego does state so. So predictable... *bites lip*... it excites me that you moved in the motion I anticipated, although I understand that a petty fool such as myself would be excited over "nothing". Life's no fun when you see the truth as it is, or in my case "looking through a delusional reality"... although perhaps you/other's think differently of me and people don't believe I'm hallucinating? Perhaps I/you care what a stranger's words read to us? It could be conceivable (thank you Saurus) that written words would harm my emotions, emotions which have been limited by a "disorder"... a disorder which controls me, a disorder which I wish to be rid of... maybe some one could over come my cognitive behavioural therapy and allow me to feel emotional pain, as it would seem, I can not feel emotional "pleasure". I request a person to pull my strings rather then my disorder, because humans can be bartered/manipulated with. Don't get me wrong, I'm requesting a person, not asking for one (nullified).

Although it is futile due to people's limited motivation... every one gives up with time... I'm already walking slowly on a faithless track myself. Questions to answers which demand more questions; "vicious circle".

*Bows at low level* I'm honoured that Mystress gives me permission to end my own account.

Lover's Quarrel? Come now, I was the rebound guy.