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An Interactive Guestbook  |  Communicate  |  Questions and discussions. (Moderator: Host)  |  Topic: Request for advice to handle "rares" episodes 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic. « previous next »
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Author Topic: Request for advice to handle "rares" episodes  (Read 73 times)
lucce pier
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« on: February 03, 2018, 12:05:13 PM »

Hi. First of all, excuse my English, I really know only a little. But I speak Spanish and I'm from Argentina.
My problem started with an emotional shock at approximately 14 years old. My girlfriend had cut me back then and I found out that she was with another guy too.
I blamed myself for not "being enough" for her. Soon, I met the son of a friend of my dad, a young adult. I was very closed back then. The relationship with my parents was never open, nor did I have confidence in myself. But with this guy I could open up. Then something strange happened. He told me then, to learn to listen. After that, I got a kind of nervous tic to cover my ear. The question was, I felt different. To all this, I started looking for help. I did not know what was happening to me. As I said, I did not have good communication with my parents. Then, as the problem persisted, they began to seek outside help. I was prescribed pills. But it was interesting that a well-known psychiatrist had recommended me to do yoga. I did it, and it was the first time I meditated on my life. I knew it was the only thing that was going to make disappear what "had stuck." Over time, with many difficulties, I managed to get rid of that kind of compulsion. By then I was finishing high school. I continued doing yoga and meditation, always on my own.

But I had rare episodes for me, and I still have them.
Among them, I once had a dream with the outline of a female figure who kissed me and said thank you. I can assure you that it was very real, and it gave me a lot of peace.
Another episode, reclining performing savassana, I began to feel very clearly a vortex. I could not face it correctly at the time, and I still could not do it, but I had those feelings again, although not so intense, and I could take it more calmly.
Thus, I had many episodes of calm and anxiety or negative emotions. With the calm always accompanied at some point a feeling of love or peace. But some negative mental state always appeared again.
Once, in a kind of fight with my ex-girlfriend, as I was very upset, I said the following: "I feel something is calling me". It was not a voice, it was more of a vortex-like sensation, but it was not a vortex, but rather it was a feeling that I was being "pulled". I do not think I have symptoms of psychosis, nor be a bad person.
I did yoga and meditation for about 3 years. I left it, so overwhelming it was for me all this. I can especially mention the episode of the vortex. I know that I have to surrender, and that the ego dies, but I could not handle it correctly.
I know that I lack a lot of openness towards others and trust, but nobody would understand these episodes without judging me. I wish that all my fears and doubts could be transmuted into some feeling of love and security, and not away from others anymore. Because there are times when I feel I need to be alone. But I do not want to feel this need anymore, I mean, so compulsively. They told me that I had a personality disorder, but I do not believe it anymore. I think it's about something bigger. Also, I came to think that it could be cyclothymia: a psychological condition that brings with it emotional changes for no apparent reason.
I do not believe it totally either. I think it's about something bigger than that.
Other symptoms that I could mention are:
A feeling of movement at the base of the pelvis. That is happening to me frequently, but it lasts a second or two.
At night, almost to sleep, I began to hear very sharp sounds, like beeps, and a crushing feeling in my head. Again, as if that sensation was pulling me. But with these last two sensations, it is as if I could voluntarily stop them, because a feeling of fear arises.
With regard to the sounds like beeps and the overwhelming sensation in the head, it has not happened very often, but these episodes are the worst. I feel then, in the seconds that it lasts, as if I was going to lose my mind. Luckily, it happened to me lately, and I have not told anyone.
Regarding the vortex, I can say that I think it's due to the fear I felt, that the experience was over.
Regarding the kiss with the female figure, I tried to hug her, and when I tried, she was already gone. Before that, and when he kissed me, he said "thank you". It was very real and it gave me a lot of peace.
I also had pressure sensations in my head. Pain in the heart Acceleration of the heartbeat (and this usually happens to me, sometimes for no apparent reason, and I do not have heart problems).
Sensation tingles in different parts of the body, and in the feet. Also hot, and cold. Not very strong, but the heats are particularly annoying. Once I told my mother: "I feel a strange sensation, (at that moment it was in my arms) as if it burned me."
I also had pressure sensations in my head. Pain in the heart Acceleration of the heartbeat (and this usually happens to me, sometimes for no apparent reason, and I do not have heart problems).
Sensation tingles in different parts of the body, and in the feet. Also hot, and cold. Not very strong, but the heats are particularly annoying. Once I told my mother: "I feel a strange sensation, (at that moment it was in my arms) as if it burned me."
I also had as a kind of regression many memories of my childhood, for no apparent reason, without any effort on my part, appeared for sure. Epiphanies, but then always some negative sensation. I know about not identifying with them and placing myself as an observer. I have practiced it and I have read about it.
But I'm at a point in my life when I feel like I want a big change. I want for the first time in my life to be more sociable and happier, to forget about problems. Feel as if my problems dissolve and surround me with love.
I believe in God, I believe in the Virgin Mary, in Jesus and in the Saints. I am catholic. Despite Buddhism's concept of emptiness, all these episodes have brought me closer to God, and I honestly do not care what form it takes, because I know it is personal and impersonal at the same time.
When my life was going to change, I always felt it. Now I have that feeling and I want to make a leap so that at least the fears, anxieties and other negative emotions go away.
I am Piscean, and since I entered the page I felt identified with being empathetic. I am very intuitive, and I do not want to question anything else about the will of God. I am in the process of cultivating faith, but I do not deny that help from others would not hurt me. And even better if it is someone who guides me and does not judge me at all, diminishing all the symptoms that may arise and transforming them into something transformative for the better.
If there is any advice that can be given, I appreciate it very much. Regards!
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