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About 2 weeks ago i had my self realization experience. i like describing it by saying instead of feeling one with everything i became the one which we are all from. it was the most amazing experience i have ever had and it felt like every moment of my life led up to that one point. I might go into more detail about it in the future

The next few days i went on as happy as ever. happy to have been able to expierence that and still be alive. when i tried i could get back to the same level.

I think i might have gone to far one night though. i got to that level of consciousness and i guess you could say tried to explore even further using my human mind.  its really impossible to explain what i was doing/thinking unless i talked to someone when we were both on that level of consciousness. I thought that maybe self realization was only one more step for the human mind and we would go on forever evolving as humans on that level of consciousness. I kinda scared myself actually, thinking i was going far to deep much to fast. Not sure if what i thought is true though seeing as it was just a thought but it seamed plausible. The next day i felt very weird and it just felt like something wasn't right.

I tried talking to my mom about my becoming one experience and i could tell she didn't care much. But in the next few days she started saying that what i was doing was evil. She bought a book called riders of the cosmic circuit (the dark side of super consciousness) by tal brooks. Out of curiosity i read alittle bit of it.

It was speaking about how enlightenment is like being possessed and how the people claim to be god. now for me that makes sense but its not being possed it is being fully aware and the people know that we are all one. but the book goes on to talk about alot of freaky shit and awakening the horned god. I'm not going to lie but it did get into my head and make me wonder if i was going to be evil or something. this fear brought back my ego and ever since then i have felt horrible. It talked about how the bible predicted that there would be many people who walked around claiming to be god. it said these beasts would walk the earth manipulating people and what not.
My mom is a Christian and she honstally believes that i am opening myself up to evil.
I try to tell her that Jesus speaks about us all being one and how the kingdom of heaven is within.
The book and my mom kinda got to me.
I know that there is a darker side and that it could be used to manipulate others and it can be used for bad.
I don't see how knowing all is one and feeling love for everything is evil which is how i felt before. I don't want to manipulate people, I don't want a cult following, i just want to live simply and peacefully but for some reason Ive just felt so shitty these past few days, like there is no hope for me, the world, anything. And honestally a few thoughts have passed in my mind about how easy it would be to manipulate others but i don't want to. I'm trying to just be but i still feel like shit.



I think i have answered my own question but i would just like some advice and to see what others have to say

[Gustaf]

About 2 weeks ago i had my self realization experience. i like describing it by saying instead of feeling one with everything i became the one which we are all from. it was the most amazing experience i have ever had and it felt like every moment of my life led up to that one point. I might go into more detail about it in the future

The next few days i went on as happy as ever. happy to have been able to expierence that and still be alive. when i tried i could get back to the same level.

I think i might have gone to far one night though. i got to that level of consciousness and i guess you could say tried to explore even further using my human mind.  its really impossible to explain what i was doing/thinking unless i talked to someone when we were both on that level of consciousness. I thought that maybe self realization was only one more step for the human mind and we would go on forever evolving as humans on that level of consciousness. I kinda scared myself actually, thinking i was going far to deep much to fast. Not sure if what i thought is true though seeing as it was just a thought but it seamed plausible. The next day i felt very weird and it just felt like something wasn't right.

I tried talking to my mom about my becoming one experience and i could tell she didn't care much. But in the next few days she started saying that what i was doing was evil. She bought a book called riders of the cosmic circuit (the dark side of super consciousness) by tal brooks. Out of curiosity i read alittle bit of it.

It was speaking about how enlightenment is like being possessed and how the people claim to be god. now for me that makes sense but its not being possed it is being fully aware and the people know that we are all one. but the book goes on to talk about alot of freaky shit and awakening the horned god. I'm not going to lie but it did get into my head and make me wonder if i was going to be evil or something. this fear brought back my ego and ever since then i have felt horrible. It talked about how the bible predicted that there would be many people who walked around claiming to be god. it said these beasts would walk the earth manipulating people and what not.
My mom is a Christian and she honstally believes that i am opening myself up to evil.
I try to tell her that Jesus speaks about us all being one and how the kingdom of heaven is within.
The book and my mom kinda got to me.
I know that there is a darker side and that it could be used to manipulate others and it can be used for bad.
I don't see how knowing all is one and feeling love for everything is evil which is how i felt before. I don't want to manipulate people, I don't want a cult following, i just want to live simply and peacefully but for some reason Ive just felt so shitty these past few days, like there is no hope for me, the world, anything. And honestally a few thoughts have passed in my mind about how easy it would be to manipulate others but i don't want to. I'm trying to just be but i still feel like shit.



I think i have answered my own question but i would just like some advice and to see what others have to say

Problem for most of us is that when we find a book like this, positive or negative, we tend to want to either accept the whole thing or reject the whole thing. All I can give you are some insights, you must use your own discernment as of what to make from them, ok?

There is something very dark within every one of us http://kundalini-teacher.com/guidance/shadow.php

Consider it. If you are truly All That Is, are you not also all those perverted, dangerous and dark things that you know lurk within you?   The most important and probably most difficult step on your journey, is to fully love, accept and integrate these aspects.  Before you do, they work as subterranean forces, of which you are completely unaware, poisoning your thoughts and perceptions of life. When they are made conscious, everything start to change. Anything exposed to light becomes light.  So in this regard, your mom is absolutely right. You are opening yourself up to evil. But to fully come through and be whole, you have to pass through this evil. Not by fighting and rejecting it, -definitely- -not- by identifying with it and acting on it, but by making it conscious.

Christianity and book of revelations in particular address something very important. It's what some like to call saviour complex. It's a phase in one's evolution when you start to realize your indwelling divinity. The ego loves this, and you dive into the idea that you are there to enlighten everybody, save the world. Some people pass through it, others get stuck in it for the rest of their lives, form cults, and generally manipulate those around them.  In essence, Christans try to warn you from thinking you are more than God, creating a God-ego. This is a trap, and a delusion.  Just picture someone with this identity.  Doesn't ring right, or feel true, does it?

Now instead put yourself into this self-realization experience. Feeling one-ness with everything, and everybody. What happens? It fills you with compassion, you feel connected to people, you feel a sense of honor for them, exactly as they are!  You may gain incredible insights, you may find just the right things to say to them, that is in the highest good.  But there is no ego there thinking you are more or less important than them.  The way I see it, many Christians miss this point, because most interpretations of the bible are done through the limited ego, not your indwelling spirit.  Instead it turns into the opposite, a sense of guilt, of being bad, wrong, and god is somewhere there watching you. I have never seen anyone with this mindset being happy.  There are other Christians who are on the path of surrender instead. They focus on Christ in their heart, and reflect this outward as kind and gentle people.

Also, what can happen, is that if you do esoteric practices too intense and too fast in the beginning, without proper grounding and clearing of karma, you attract and open yourself up to all sorts of entities.

http://kundalini-teacher.com/guidance/entit.php

Most people who are possessed by entities don't even know it. Because as with other dark aspects, when they are seen, their influence dissolves. Clearing entities is like moving a flashlight inside a dark, danky room. The cockroaches scatter immediately in all directions.

A third pitfal, is when you become very open and clear, your empathy also becomes very strong. To the extent that you start to process other people's baggage. Some gurus willingly take on a -lot- of stuff, and when their disciples resist, things start getting stuck, and their own perceptions lose their clarity.

My own heartvoice and gut navitation always told me to stay away from flashy gurus with grand promises. Instead, I was blessed to be exposed to those who instead show ways of how to do the hard work myself, so I can truly grow from it. The guy who wrote that book was probably very correct about some of the flashy types.

The thing is, pretty much all humans on earth are constantly manipulating each other, struggling for power and energy in various ways, be it economic, sexual, power, career, get ahead in the grocery line, etc. In the general mindset however, this is completely unconsciously, and, it's considered normal.  To me, power abuse and manipulation among gurus is just the same human drama played in a different form, and has nothing to do with self-realization. They may be self-realized, but they may still have human dramas for various reasons. I have them too, and so does Mystress and many other self-realized people I've met.  Someone once said that humans are very funny, trying to be humanly perfect.

There's also sort of a safety mechanism built into our evolution.  Alongside with increased psychic power and perception, must also hand in hand come a diminished ego, and increased empathy.  So what basically happens is that the further you progress, the harder it gets to become really vicious. The more sensitive you become, the more immediate and more harsh is the karmic feeback.  "Instant karma is gonna get you" like John Lennon sings. And believe me, it does get you, and right away.   If you deviate too much from your true inner guidance, there will be a fall from grace, and you lose the perceptions and so on.  Many gurus and cult-leaders out there have fallen from grace, but still convince people to follow them. Some haven't experienced any grace even to begin with!  Most really vicious people are completely unconscious, most of all of themselves, but there is generally a complete lack of empathy and lack of clarity when looking at the world. This is not a judgement, simply an observation.

Gandhi said that the small, still voice within was the only tyrant he would alow.

http://kundalini-teacher.com/guidance/heart.php
http://kundalini-teacher.com/guidance/discern.php

Your heart voice and your discernment, are the invaluable tools of any spiritual path, along with the ability to witness what is going on inside yourself. You can honor what this book says, what you mom says, what I say, and what anybody else says, but it's really up to you, to go within and feel, experience what is true for yourself, and at the same time allowing others to experience this in their own way.

After you've read this, and some of the links, check within yourself.

Namaste!
Gustaf

[Sigmund]

Congratulations on a milestone realization, username.  That's really, big deal stuff, as far as I'm concerned.  I tip my hat to you.

What I'm resonating with are your reactions to the conflict between you and your mom.  Your experiences and honesty ran right into the good son/ good mother relationship, the thoughts of which are now spinning, resulting in you carrying fear or/and worry in your solar plexus and/or heart energy centers, i.e.,chakras where it intensifies; you feel rotten and can't seem to shake it. 

Starting at the primary level, biology and safety, it doesn't appear that your mom is open to hearing about your wonderful realization.  That leaves you to have both parts of the conversation yourself which will work somewhat.  You may also want to call in Goddess, give her the conflict and ask for her to work things out as she knows best.  If you do that, you may need to repeat that as more stuff comes up as things unfold.  Lastly, you can always take the emotions from whatever energy center you find them and raise them one or two centers where they'll diffuse and take on the energy flavor of the new centers.  They'll unfold from there and give you new information as you gently hold them there and pay attention as they unfold.

These things have worked for me although a hug with mom can do as much or more.  You both seem to want reassurance that you're (plural) okay.

[Username]

Thanks a lot Gustaf! Seriously, I really appreciate it. True words of wisdom
Thanks to you as well Sigmund!

[iansanityy]

Hello, If your interested, I've made a website containing my thoughts on truth and how I navigated finding it and reconciling it with my Christian background...

I hope this helps 

www.geocities.com/iansanityyis1

[gams]

Hello, If your interested, I've made a website containing my thoughts on truth and how I navigated finding it and reconciling it with my Christian background...

I hope this helps 

www.geocities.com/iansanityyis1

Dear iansanityyis1,

I'm sorry, but you seem to be very confused, not really having any profound understanding of either Christianity or Buddhism. Ego is not wisdom. Please gain some true wisdom before trying to give spiritual advice to others.

Best wishes to you....
Gams

[iansanityy]

Underneath all that obscures our commonalities, the Dogmas that claim exclusive ownership over certain truth's is the ONE truth of unity and love that can't be defined or contained.

You go deep enough, you find that the heart which brings life and truth in any religion is the same.

There is an astonishing 93 million miles spanning the distance between only the earth and the sun...Now extend that to the great expanse of space beyond our solar system...We are members of a HUGE universe participating in a grand order way above our heads, bigger than we can know. I'd say ultimate truth is knowing it can't be fully contained or understood...Thus conflicts of understanding stop in agreement that we don't know!

Your on a website that promotes these concepts, I'm puzzled as to why you would have such a bitter reaction

[gams]

Underneath all that obscures our commonalities, the Dogmas that claim exclusive ownership over certain truth's is the ONE truth of unity and love that can't be defined or contained.

You go deep enough, you find that the heart which brings life and truth in any religion is the same.

There is an astonishing 93 million miles spanning the distance between only the earth and the sun...Now extend that to the great expanse of space beyond our solar system...We are members of a HUGE universe participating in a grand order way above our heads, bigger than we can know. I'd say ultimate truth is knowing it can't be fully contained or understood...Thus conflicts of understanding stop in agreement that we don't know!

Your on a website that promotes these concepts, I'm puzzled as to why you would have such a bitter reaction

Hello again. I do apologize if I sounded bitter. I assure you I am not. I agree with what you've said.  My disagreement was in regard to your using this forum to advertise your own website.

[Mystress]

My disagreement was in regard to your using this forum to advertise your own website.


  yeah... Insanitty is a regular so I'll allow it.  The spammers I really do not like are the ones who go "oh I love your stuff, it is so great, just like mine" and a link...

  As for the other, yes enlightened people can be evil. ( not a word I would use actually but...) 

   Particularly if it is gained by ego death rituals or similar shortcuts.  What happens is the person attains realization before they have cleared all the karmic predispositions from the body... so those unconscious fears still rule the persona but the conscience to know right from wrong is gone.  The result is a psychopath.  They see all is love and so a hug and a punch are the same to them. To feed the hungry or slaughter the hungry is all the same, all love.

  Whereas when the samskaras and karmic baggage is gone, there is simply no motive to do harm. All the chakras are open and there is discernment to know the true path of dharma.

   Similarly, to see all is one is to assume you like the same food music and clothes as I do, or need the same rules or restrictions... and of course we are all unique.  There has to be respect for boundaries and the individual.

   As for your realization experience... to have an experience of cosmic unity is not the same as being self realized. Between the initial realization experience and actually stabilizing in self realization often takes many years.

   Blessings...