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I don't know if I really need help or possibly just reassurance but nothing I have tried has made me feel any better so far. I just feel like im lost right now. sorry if this isn't very organized, I cant think very clear right now.


I started experiencing symptoms of kundalini about a year ago. I've gone though times of pure happiness and well being I have also gone though times of total withdraw and apathy. The first experiences related to kundalini that I can remember would fill me with pure bliss. I would only have them about once a month and the bliss would only last about an hour. I felt it strongly in the left side of my body and I just felt warm all over.

Between my first experiences and now I have had many different experiences. Many beautiful and some completely terrifying. But All the bad experiences would eventually pass after a few days and I would feel totally revived and even better than before.

over the past 3 or 4 months it has been pretty much normal for me to feel the energy going up my spine several times a day and I could make it happen by will. It became very common for me to start crying and be overwhelmed with pure love and joy. I feel like I started to incorporate this love into my daily life. I would feel nothing but pure love for days at a time and I was just so in touch with everything around me. It was almost like I would wake up and turn on love but it took very little effort. During this time I would also have days were I felt nothing at all. I felt like I finally figured out who I really was though. All my thoughts were completely clear and I always just felt so good.

For about the past week I have felt like I lost everything.. I feel like nothing matters at all. I have wanted to just lay down and die. I keep questioning the existence of a spiritual world. I keep trying to surrender and just let all these thoughts pass but no matter what I do I just feel like laying down and doing nothing. I feel like everything I did was nothing but a joke to make me feel better.

I read an article on here about how kundalini was like building a house. Today while meditating i saw a house which sunk into the ground right before me. It didn't fall apart but just sunk into the ground. It really made me feel like I lost everything I have built the past year. I feel like I have totally lost myself.

Im just questioning everything that I knew was true.. I didn't just think it was true but I knew. and now, nothing seems true.

Even during my worst experiences before this I never felt this bad. I could be so scared, depressed and at times I felt truly insane but I had faith that it would pass, I knew it was just part of the process so I would just let everything unfold and not try to resist it. I'm trying to do that now but it isn't working very well

Is this just another part of the process?  If anyone could help me or even just relate to this I would appreciate it.

[Username]

Also Ive read a lot about the dark night of the soul and i think this might be it. I'm not sure. Maybe I'm just depressed and trying to find some comfort.
I have felt very lonely today though. It is something i haven't felt for a very long time. I am by myself a lot and i usually enjoy my alone time but the past few hours I just wanted someone to hold and lay with. I actually shed a few tears which actually made me feel alittle better and more alive. I felt like i had been repressing myself the last few days and was lonely the whole time and finally admitted it.

I thought more about the house and i realized that since it hadn't fallen apart I hadn't lost it. Since it buried itself in the ground i just have to get to my lowest point to get it back but when i do it will be protected from everything on the outside. Kind of like a tornado shelter or anykind of underground shelter. Maybe it ment that i will have to somehow sink further than the bottom for the reward but when i get it, no outside forces can harm me.
just an idea haha.

[Gustaf]

I don't know if I really need help or possibly just reassurance but nothing I have tried has made me feel any better so far. I just feel like im lost right now. sorry if this isn't very organized, I cant think very clear right now.


I started experiencing symptoms of kundalini about a year ago. I've gone though times of pure happiness and well being I have also gone though times of total withdraw and apathy. The first experiences related to kundalini that I can remember would fill me with pure bliss. I would only have them about once a month and the bliss would only last about an hour. I felt it strongly in the left side of my body and I just felt warm all over.

Between my first experiences and now I have had many different experiences. Many beautiful and some completely terrifying. But All the bad experiences would eventually pass after a few days and I would feel totally revived and even better than before.

over the past 3 or 4 months it has been pretty much normal for me to feel the energy going up my spine several times a day and I could make it happen by will. It became very common for me to start crying and be overwhelmed with pure love and joy. I feel like I started to incorporate this love into my daily life. I would feel nothing but pure love for days at a time and I was just so in touch with everything around me. It was almost like I would wake up and turn on love but it took very little effort. During this time I would also have days were I felt nothing at all. I felt like I finally figured out who I really was though. All my thoughts were completely clear and I always just felt so good.

For about the past week I have felt like I lost everything.. I feel like nothing matters at all. I have wanted to just lay down and die. I keep questioning the existence of a spiritual world. I keep trying to surrender and just let all these thoughts pass but no matter what I do I just feel like laying down and doing nothing. I feel like everything I did was nothing but a joke to make me feel better.

I read an article on here about how kundalini was like building a house. Today while meditating i saw a house which sunk into the ground right before me. It didn't fall apart but just sunk into the ground. It really made me feel like I lost everything I have built the past year. I feel like I have totally lost myself.

Im just questioning everything that I knew was true.. I didn't just think it was true but I knew. and now, nothing seems true.

Even during my worst experiences before this I never felt this bad. I could be so scared, depressed and at times I felt truly insane but I had faith that it would pass, I knew it was just part of the process so I would just let everything unfold and not try to resist it. I'm trying to do that now but it isn't working very well

Is this just another part of the process?  If anyone could help me or even just relate to this I would appreciate it.

Namaste!

First of all, I think you should read this link, and look at yourself with sincerity when you do.

http://kundalini-teacher.com/awakening/egodiss.php

There is not really anything I can add to this article which is not perfectly described there. But one thing is for sure, I can definitely relate to it. The spirit inside me says "breathe!  just breathe!"

Namaste
Gustaf

[Username]

Thank you.
Im doing alot better today. It got worse for awhile to the point where i was getting physically sick and throwing up but i feel much better right now.

I realized that i just have to be. I cant search for god and questions that are impossible to answer because i will never find them. If i just be everything will come to me naturally. I still believe that we all are spiritual beings and i still hold strongly to what i felt before but i have come to realize that i cant be 100% sure of anything other than they best way to be is to just be  .

[Username]

OK i was wrong.

Lately i haven't been able to think clearly at all. I cant even get into music or anything i love. It just feels like there is a voice in the back of my head that constantly puts down all of my ideas and every thought i get means nothing. I feel like i cant believe anything anyone says or thinks, even myself. I have also been having a lot of tension in the back of my neck.

I don't know whats going on with me right now.
I feel like an asshole. I have never been a selfish person and i cant remember a time where i cared about myself more than anyone around me. Lately it has seamed i care about myself more than my friends or anyone. and today i just felt like i wanted control over the people i was with. I know i wont ever actually try to control someone but i thought about it and it actually did seam really nice which is really weird and basically the opposite of the normal me.

I'm starting to feel like i really am psycho. even my close friends are starting to think I'm crazy. I  feel like i cant relate to anyone.

I don't know. I guess i just feel like I'm losing hope for this world right now. i  feel disconnected from everything. There is no love, no hope, no anything in me except complete confusion and disappointment.

I'm sorry if i don't make any sense but this is the only place where i feel like people might actually understand me.

[Mystress]

  I think you have probably had a tendency to give yourself away to what others want of you, and the selfishness is simply a balancing.  Truth is, there is no perfectly selfless act, and people who are honest with themselves about that, are nicer to be around. 

You have to love and care for yourself before you have love and care available for others.  So focus on doing that... simple stuff like getting sleep and fresh air, fresh food.

  Stop looking for satisfaction outside of yourself, and contemplate your dreams. Turn inward, the disconnectedness is just another phase and you will come out the other side feeling more connected than before, because part of the numbness is a divine mercy so you do not have to feel the old pain your body is releasing from itself.  Anaesthesia for major surgery.  Be grateful for it and don't let it stress you.  This too, shall pass, and you will be better for it.

   Blessings...

[mantiel]

I dont know what is people's experience in this forum as im quite a newbie here, but my experience during my path so far has showed me that, when you are growing spiritually, dark entities may want to take advantage of your vulnerability, by increasing pain or symthoms to unbearable levels, or making you think you are crazy, or putting negative thoughts in general in your mind... sometimes even playing with the people around you to make you feel bad about what you are doing.. im not saying this is the only cause though, but i have seen it happening a lot...

To help in this, the first tool and i think the most important, is the use of your free will. Ask that the dark leave you alone during your process, and ask for Divine Assistance. Second, i used some stones with quite a lot of success. One of them is called tektite. Is very good keeping many dark entities away. This stone can be carried in the pocket and at night, it can be kept under the pillow case.

The next stone i used is called Gold Rutilated Quartz. This stone has many properties, but its specially helpful in aiding the user feeling detachment and feeling more energetic. It also helps "closing the mind" to the voice of dark entities that enjoy talking in your mind so much and putting negative things in there. To achieve this effect, the stone must be wared in the base of the neck for 21 days, for at least 8 hours a day. When you are not using it, the stone can be cleared by putting it under running water for 30 seconds, and then let it rest under the light of a white candle (or sunlight too) for about half an hour.

Theres one more stone that can be used, but the RQ treatment must be finished first. So I help this information helps someone as it helped me!

Mantiel

[sathya]

Truth is far more simpler than we perceive. So simple that its simplicity would shock you. Anything complex interests us. But it has to dissolve. A strong desire to move ahead only will take you there. Eventually you will have to go beyond both feeling good and feeling bad. The truth lies beyond both feeling good and bad. It is about the condition where both feeling good and feeling bad are accepted without resistance.   

regards