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[jimmyb]

Hi Mystress, I really am confused at the moment. I don't know where to turn but I always ask Goddess for her guidance and her healing through out my body and soul. As you know I have been depressed for sometime now. I have made errors in my life that have forced me to a some what difficult path in which I feel trapped and helpless. Some days I look at the past and think "If I'd have...", "If I hadn't..." you know the kind of situation chatter that goes on - I should really look forward and not back. Other days I look back and think well it was hard and I have learnt from the situation the very hard way but I know how to cope with a similar situation in the future, I look at this as a learning curve and also for insight to future events.

The thing that is confusing me the most is what I need to do in order to be happy with my life again and to get my mental state of mind stable again. I continually ask myself - Am I ill, am I mental, am I going through spiritual changes, was it fate, is it astrology causing this, am I going to get through all this, am I dieing, why has all this happened and why didn't I make different choices at the time. Although I do know that if I do get through this then it will make me a much stronger person overall.

I seem to ask myself questions I could never know the answer to. I could go to the doctors and ask for tests but then he would probably just say - here are some more anti-depressants lol.

I've also had a few weird things happen to - I seem to know what people are going to say once I have asked a question. Or if I am looking for someone at work I know where they are although this only happened twice. Some bad stuff has also happened and I put it down to negative energy in my body at the mo. The windscreen on my beloved VW got cracked but a stone and the indicator bulb broke when I used my friends car - oops.

Despite all this I am battling on and I am SLOWLY coming back to reality (I've been really spaced out amongst other really weird feelings and symptoms for months). I don't know what my mind needs to get back on track. I mean there are so many thinks that my problem could be, physical, psychological, spiritual.

I've almost come to the conclusion that everything we experience is interpreted through the physical body by the mind or soul. If this is the case then it is the individual who is responsible for the sculpture the reality. The happier the soul the more pure the body and state of mind becomes - Goddess > Soul > Mind > Body?

I just confuse myself all the time. I'm not sure what I need to do to feel comfortable again or become absolute. Do I need to ground myself with my hobbies, meditate, exercise, rest, go to the doctors (I realise now that they are not always as helpful as I'd like) - do I just leave things in the hands of Goddess?, or do I just let go of the past events and move on (this ain't easy when stuff is bottled up and the lid is super glued on!) How do I get to this stuff and release the energy that is holding me back? I just can't see clearly enough yet to know what is best for me. I feel blocked - trapped in my own mental prison of thought.

I realise that in the past I have associated myself with people who have reduced me. I have come to the conclusion that these people are energy vampires and they have taken my energy - so how do I build this energy back to a healthy level?

Any insight would be very much appreciated!

Thankyou,
- Jimmy

[jimmyb]

Oh yea, I forgot to mention, I had a Reiki healing session last Sunday and I am going back again this weekend for another, I'm really hoping that this can clear some old energy thats stopping me from finding my way in life.

10 british pounds a session ain't back, eh?

[angelprayer]

Some days I look at the past and think "If I'd have...", "If I hadn't..." you know the kind of situation chatter that goes on - I should really look forward and not back. Other days I look back and think well it was hard and I have learnt from the situation the very hard way but I know how to cope with a similar situation in the future, I look at this as a learning curve and also for insight to future events.

Someone I know says that life gives you what you need but not necessarily what you want. I don't necessarily agree with this, but it is worth considering what C.S.Lewis said of his submission to God(ess).

"I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England." – Surprised by Joy