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[Username]

Hello everyone. I just have a few questions about dealing with the religious pressure that society has.

I do not agree with everything on this site but I know there are some very wise people here and I would like some help.

Well, I am trying to rejoin the world and I forgot how many people were Christians. I never even acknowledged it in the past as a threat to myself. Now I worry about becoming a fundamentalist christian or something. It worry's me so much because I feel that it would strike at the core of me being and turn me into something awful. I feel it would kill my intelligence, my personality, my future, my goals and everything I am. I know it is irrational to think this way but how do you deal with the constant bombardment of Christians? How do you deal with the threat of hell and all that? I would also like to add that I do not fear hell. I fear fearing hell. I am worried all of this worrying is going to reshape my neuron pathways and make me into a retard or something. I have no confidence right now or feeling of self worth and It frightens me that there are so many people who are religious in the dogmatic sense.

[Wanda]

Hello Username,

I'm not one of the "wise ones" here (I'm sure they'll answer you soon), but since I happen to be living my Kundalini-experience within the Christian context, I thought I'd offer some help in thinking things through.

Maybe it would help if you'd try to separate the different sources or causes for your fear. While reading your post, it seemed to me that you have three kinds: spiritual, intellectual and societal. 

It worry's me so much because I feel that it would strike at the core of me being and turn me into something awful. I feel it would kill my intelligence, my personality, my future, my goals and everything I am.

Sounds like a spiritual concern, as if you were led to the brink of what the Christians call "a change of heart", or "being born again". In the vocabulary of this site, it would be the "Ego death", or "surrender to Goddess/Kundalini". I agree, it is scary as Hell. 

I have no confidence right now or feeling of self worth

Hmmm... A contradiction to your earlier statement, where you perceived your self as precious and were afraid of losing it? 

How do you deal with the threat of hell and all that? I would also like to add that I do not fear hell. I fear fearing hell. I am worried all of this worrying is going to reshape my neuron pathways and make me into a retard or something.

Seems like an intellectual entanglement. It is part of our Western cultural heritage, the concept of an afterlife as Heaven and Hell, eternal bliss and torment, being one with or being separated from God. People have interpreted it in more literal, or metaphorical terms, and it is up to you to find a way to fit it into your (religious) world view and apply it to your spiritual life...

Personally, I've always been so busy with the Kundalini-induced death and hell, perceived as very real and taking place in the here and now, that I've never bothered to contemplate the possible future developments. But I can empathize with people struggling with this on a more abstract level.

All this fear and worrying can certainly cause you to become sort of paralysed or "running in a loop". The good news is that you can choose to step out of this vicious circle any time and undo all the damage it has caused!

Well, I am trying to rejoin the world and I forgot how many people were Christians. I never even acknowledged it in the past as a threat to myself. Now I worry about becoming a fundamentalist christian or something.

how do you deal with the constant bombardment of Christians?

it frightens me that there are so many people who are religious in the dogmatic sense.

Now this appears as problems with interpersonal relations and society at large. So, I assume that some fundamentalist Christians are trying to "turn" you? You feel threatened by them and yet, are afraid you're gonna become one... Hmmm... "If you can't beat them, join them"?

No religious group has exclusive rights on God. If you long for some company and a framework for your spiritual path, then you're free to join any denomination, congregation or movement that feels right to you. Don't let yourself be coerced by other people, allow your own inner guidance to lead you. 

Yeah, the rise of religious fundamentalism is a troubling thing to see. It is undestandable though, considering we live in a postmodern world where everything is in constant change and open to question. People crave certainty and straight answers... Have compassion towards them. And try not to become one, it can happen without you even noticing... It's a constant exercise in mindfulness, whatever path you're on!

All good wishes, 

[Username]

Thanks for the reply.

The thing is that I have alread been through ego death. I feel like I have been through the whole process and was finally done. I felt like i could go on living  and enjoying my life. I felt whole and reborn.

Im starting college in like a month and i think the reason I fear this so much is because it would reuin everything. I feel it would ruin my ability to enjoy things. It is making me not be able to live in the moment. I worry I will never be able to do anything or have any individuality again. I worry I will not be able to have sex without thinking that's its wrong.

I do not feel like I need a teaching or some bullshit dogma to rule my life. I would honestly rather die before I accepted a dogma or let someone else tell me how to think. I would really rather die. Life would no longer be worth living.

I do not need a personal god (which I don't believe) I do not need faith, I do not need anything to live the life I want. I want to live, to love, to hate to be an individual to be a good, respectful person.

When I take on this mindset I cannot understand others and I cannot understand myself. I feel no peace. I just feel neurotic.

I have always been against organized religion. I think it is the most hypocritical, futile, dangerous thing that is effecting humanity right now. I don't like how it  creates division and can spawn hate and ignorance. I don't know why I fear it so much but I really just fear becoming everything I dislike in other people.

I just feel that I would loose the simple things which I enhoy such as thinking for myself and being whatever I want.

[Wanda]

Hello again,

Forgive me, it wasn't immediately apparent to me that you've already been through Ego death. Actually, it still isn't. Would you be willing to consider the possibility that you're not quite "there" yet? Or rather, that it is not something you get over and done with once and for all, but an ongoing process?

Starting college is certainly an exciting challenge... It will also take adjusting and compromises. It is only natural to be anxious of change and to wonder whether you'll be able to keep your newly found peace of mind. Then again, it seems you've already lost it by worrying about losing it.

Possibly I'm a bit slow, but it is still unclear to me how exactly do these fundamentalists threaten you. Will it be a conservative college with Christian dogma and way of life stuffed down your throat 24/7 ? Or just a large precentage of your fellow students born-again fundies? In any case, it is good to have your issues addressed and (hopefully) resolved before you go there...

You're free to have any views you like! But in order to get others to respect yours it is important to respect theirs... If you are (at present) unable to understand and love members of organised religion, then you could try being polite... For example, calling the core principles of their (our) life "bullshit" is not a great way to start a friendship.

People become fundamentalists when they're afraid of something new, different, other. They perceive it as a threat to their beliefs and to themselves... Because they're not too certain about their ideology and identity in the first place! It is their inner insecurity manifesting itself. Christian Fundamentalists, Anti-Christian Fundamentalists...

I don't know why I fear it so much but I really just fear becoming everything I dislike in other people.

Errr... While you were browsing through the site, did you happen to stumble across this page?
http://kundalini-teacher.com/meditations/shadowmed.php

Good luck with it,

[Chord]

Now I worry about becoming a fundamentalist christian or something. It worry's me so much because I feel that it would strike at the core of me being and turn me into something awful. I feel it would kill my intelligence, my personality, my future, my goals and everything I am. I know it is irrational to think this way but how do you deal with the constant bombardment of Christians?

If you are comfortable with your own internal reality, then you will be comfortable around any other belief system. I guess the key is focusing inward toward what feels true, as opposed to looking outwords towards larger scale movements and ideas in regard to morality. But don't be afraid to face other belief systems, it offers a chance for self reflection and growth.

[geert]

If you truely communicate with God, there's no danger of becoming a fundamentalist, He's extremely tolerant. What you'll experience is compassion, for those you can help. He won't make you give up your friends, they might do that to you though.

[Gustaf]

Hello!

First of all, try to get grounded.

Then what may be beneficial, is to surrender everything that's related to this situation. You got it all wrangled up in a knot of emotions, thoughts and beliefs.

Surrender to Goddess (Or any other name or idea you prefer about the absolute) all your beliefs about Christianity, about heaven and hell, about you not being able to relate to Christians, and so forth. Let the smarter, infinite part of you handle it.

You don't have to be a Christian in order to hang out with them. Just be yourself. Relate to people on the level they are at, and respect their worldview.  That being said, you don't have to agree with them. And you don't have to tell everyone about your spiritual beliefs all the time either. And personally, I try to minimize time spent around fanatic, fundamentalistic and obnoxious people. Because they rarely want real communication, just to enhance their egos.

I know quite a few Christians who are absolutely lovely people. They don't try to force their beliefs on me, even though we may not agree with some things.  Christianity is just one of many worldviews. I've also met a lot of jerks in every walk of life. Maybe you are against organized religion. But part of compassion is to honor other's wishes to enjoy their organized faith. Don't give so much energy to the fanatics, and you are less likely to see much of them.

College is a melting pot of all sorts of views and faiths (Unless you go to a christian college or something)  Surrender all your ideas, beliefs, fears around this, and enjoy the experience. I loved school, I had all sorts of different types of friends there.

Namaste!
Gustaf

[Username]

Thanks for the replies everyone. Sorry if I came off as hateful or something, I have been struggling a little bit. I am pretty sure I brought my unhealthy ego back up. I can't think when I feel like this. I feel like I am retarded right now. When I am at college I can't even think of my opinions or thoughts because all I am doing is thinking about my thoughts. Its hard to describe but I guess I have just been attacking my usual views from a totally different perspective to see if I go back to where I was. Its a way of testing myself I guess but i feel very uncomfortable in my skin right now. I'm just going to relax and try to let this pass. Thanks for the advice everyone.

[Username]

I would also like to add that I think all religions are right. It just kinda frustrates me to see the fanatics ideas being the ones that are pushed through every media outlet. There are several books about the world ending sold at walmart so this shows me that these insane ideas which induce fear are being pushed all through America. It just saddens/frustrates me that I can't do anything about it and brings contempt for organized religion... I mean I understand what their religion means but I have come to realize that most religious people don't. Makes me feel like my life is going to be an uphill battle to avoid mediocrity and stupidity.

[Username]

I think I have just brought back up my unhealthy ego. I feel so weak and stupid right now. This is a horrible time for this to have happened but what should I do? I am having a hard time ending this. I am constantly putting myself down and judging others but it feels like it is not really me that is doing it. I know that it is but ever since i brought up the possibly of fundamentalism being true it has really messed my head up I feel like I am in hell or something being bombarded by my sub conscious. The view lacks so all reason logic and love and since I am taking it on I have no reason or logic or love. It is as if I am taking on their worlsview but am aware that I am doing it and yet cannot escape it.

[Wanda]

Hello Username!

(Oh, for Chrissake, would you provide a name for me, so I could address you properly? It doesn't even have to be a real name, a catchy alias will do just fine... )

Did you try the grounding and surrender, as Gustaf suggested? Because, y'know, he'll be back and the first thing he'll ask is whether you did, and if you didn't, he'll give you detention... Just kidding, of course.

But as we wait for the expert advice, I can keep you company.

From your last messages, I really do get the impression that you embarked on a Shadow Meditation and then got stuck, unable to bring it to conclusion.

Facing your greatest fear is a brave thing to do... I admire you! Even though I personally find "testing yourself" to have an inkling of spiritual pride and overconfidence to it... Actually, I think that such "testing" is dripping with testosterone. Are you male, per chance?

In any case, if the point of the meditation is to integrate the rejected, then "taking on" the Shadow is the first step. If you should fail to proceed to the next step however, then the Shadow might "take over"... Which could be what is happening to you?

I can't tell you what to do to get unstuck. I can only relate my own experience for comparison.

Because of my job (and calling!), I occasionally spend time with some very conservative Catholics. I am very careful to avoid the topics that I know we disagree on, and if they start expounding on their views, I just nod and smile. It's not only politeness, I respect them and understand them and feel compassion for them... But sometimes it happens, that when I'm alone afterwards, these topics keep coming up in my mind (for example – "the true nature, and rightful place of women", or "outside the Church there is no salvation") and if left unchecked, these ideas (and my reaction to them) tend to escalate until I'm obsessing about the RCC as a monstrous institution ruining billions of lives with its man-made and historically conditioned doctrines that are not only contrary to the "Good News" but also not even theologically sound!!!

In order to get out of this state of fuming anger and fruitless frustration, I usually call a friend of mine, who is an agnostic, full of healthy scepticism and easy-going hedonism. After we have talked for awhile, about completely unrelated matters, my distress subsides. Possibly because I emphatically absorb her mindset, and this neutralises, or balances out the fanatism I was infected with by my fundy-aquaintances.

And now comes the important part - after having restored the equilibrium, and regained the ability to think clearly, I search for something in conservative Catholicism that I like. And upon finding it, I focus on the similarities and make it grow, while letting the differences diminish... Until I'm all jolly happy about knowing such wonderful people and ready and willing to meet them again.

So, now you ask, "Name one thing that is positive about preVatican2-folks?" And I'll say: "Gregorian chant! Written in neumes! Sung reverently!" Oh, I just love it... I had a dream once, years ago, where my DB insisted that I'd sing Salve Regina with him... I said I don't know the hymn, so he taught me... And I remembered it when I woke up! - OK, probably I had heard it somewhere unknowingly, and now it was restored to my conscious memory, but nevermind the explanations... It was a beautiful dream... And I still sing the song.

It just saddens/frustrates me that I can't do anything about it and brings contempt for organized religion... I mean I understand what their religion means but I have come to realize that most religious people don't. Makes me feel like my life is going to be an uphill battle to avoid mediocrity and stupidity.

You see, I get your drift, but...

Don't avoid it! Plunge into it! Embrace it! Love it!
We're all One anyways...

All the best to you,

[Username]

Tanks for the reply Wanda. My name is Corey and yes, I am a male lol.

I'm trying to get grounded and surrender but I can't. I just don't know what to think, what to trust, what to do. I feel like I am lost in a loop of mind killing thought. Like I am neurotic. I can't enjoy music or anything. I have forgotten my philosophy it seams.

I just don't know who I am or what I think about anything anymore. I feel like my whole town is insane, My dad is insane and stupid and I am surrounded by it daily. I feel like I am taking on the worldview of the broken and lost. I can't feel compassion or enjoy music or anything. I also feel like I am constantly judging others and myself. Like I am putting my issues onto other people. I have always thought that what jesus ment by judge not least you be judged means that when you judge others you are essentially only judging yourself. Then I realize that no one gets my ideas or theorys and i just keep doing it

I feel like I am on a different path than everyone. I have heard that most people move away from religions because they want to sin. I did it because it didn't make sense and I wanted to be myself. I have realized that most people will never do this. Most people stay traped in the religion they were born into and it just freaks me out.


My mind is just killing itself. I rember thinking what if the fundamentalist are right and I was instantly put in the worldview of good and evil and felt completely dis empowered, still do. It makes me think that religions only purpose it to keep people dis empowered and keep them in 'slave morality' as Nietzsche would call it

I think my power also kinda scared me I guess. I never realized how empowered I was untill I lost it. I could feel strong love and also strong hate but not towards people, towards ideas.

I just can't get back intouch with my higerself. feel very lost confused and weak. I feel like I have failed and am doomed to live a shitty average life.

With the added stress of school and life I just can't figure it out.

[Mystress]

Hi Username:

  Was your ego death natural or a ritual you did? Rituals dont work, there are no shortcuts to enlightenment. Ego death rituals give an illusion or experience of unity but the karma is still in the body pulling your strings... and you dont notice because you think you are enlightened. 

   Thing about egos is you grow a new one as soon as you attach to anything... its inevitable... and the new ego is not likely to be as sane or stable as the one you spent your life working on. The regrown ego often is a little psychotic, which you are experiencing.   

  Christianity was reworked into a tool of political control around 500AD by emporer Constantine... who was not actually a christian. He converted on his deathbed. Do a search, read all about it.

   On a Unity level, you are All that Is.. so you are a christian and a hindu and a moslem and... a tree.  Its ego that defines who you think you are and shadow defines what you think you are not. The key to shadow work is love and acceptance. Accept that you are all these things, keep affirming "I am All that Is" when the stuff comes up until the issues fade. 

   Blessings...

[Username]

Hi Username:

  Was your ego death natural or a ritual you did? Rituals dont work, there are no shortcuts to enlightenment. Ego death rituals give an illusion or experience of unity but the karma is still in the body pulling your strings... and you dont notice because you think you are enlightened. 

   Thing about egos is you grow a new one as soon as you attach to anything... its inevitable... and the new ego is not likely to be as sane or stable as the one you spent your life working on. The regrown ego often is a little psychotic, which you are experiencing.   

  Christianity was reworked into a tool of political control around 500AD by emporer Constantine... who was not actually a christian. He converted on his deathbed. Do a search, read all about it.

   On a Unity level, you are All that Is.. so you are a christian and a hindu and a moslem and... a tree.  Its ego that defines who you think you are and shadow defines what you think you are not. The key to shadow work is love and acceptance. Accept that you are all these things, keep affirming "I am All that Is" when the stuff comes up until the issues fade. 

   Blessings...

Thanks Mystress. It was actually natural. I knew what I was going through and I just went with it. I didn't do rituals or anything I just lived. The only things I really did was contemplate and practice mindfulness and self expression. The actual ego death happened over a year ago. I lived fine for awhile and was integrating all views, gaining a better understanding and living my life. 

I think my life change brought up other problems which led to me bringing up my ego as a defense. I just realized that people I am around think my ideas are evil. I feel like my views will either get me labled insane or as a monster. I started viewing myself as a monster and brought my ego up. instead of the healthy ego I feel like I am viewing the world through a very limited perception.

Will this end Mystress?

[Username]

It is just hard for me sometimes. I am only 19 and having few people who can understand fully is lonely at times. It usually doesn't bother me but being at school around thousands of people my age just kinda shocked me I guess.

Hopefully I can learn from this and improve.

[Username]

Sorry to keep making new posts. I keep thinking of things to add but cannot edit my previous post. Seeing the other side of things has really just shocked me. Seeing what goes on in my town and how very few people understand what I do. I know it shouldn't matter and it bugs me that I let it matter. I was only involved with my close niche of friends for awhile. We are all into philosophy and music so it was very comfortable for me and going to college has just brought up some conformity and confidence issues which is all from my unhealthy ego.

[Da Zues Mon]

It is just hard for me sometimes. I am only 19 and having few people who can understand fully is lonely at times. It usually doesn't bother me but being at school around thousands of people my age just kinda shocked me I guess.

Hopefully I can learn from this and improve.

i can totally relate where you're coming from username. im only 18 and had a spontaneous kundalini awakening when i was only a sophmore in high school and had no idea WTF happened at that point in time.

[Mystress]

Sorry to keep making new posts. I keep thinking of things to add but cannot edit my previous post. Seeing the other side of things has really just shocked me. Seeing what goes on in my town and how very few people understand what I do. I know it shouldn't matter and it bugs me that I let it matter. I was only involved with my close niche of friends for awhile. We are all into philosophy and music so it was very comfortable for me and going to college has just brought up some conformity and confidence issues which is all from my unhealthy ego.

  New post are fine, dont worry about it. 

   Often the purpose of this sort of loneliness is to make you more reliant on Goddess within yourself.  It is a phase, it passes.  In the meantime, focus on grounding and on your studies and join the K list so you can have a sense of community and some people to talk to. 

http://kundalini-gateway.org