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[Manicman]

I'm definitely undergoing something and I am asking for advice. I fit most but not all of what you describe on the shamanic initiation page. Allow me to explain:
If you've read Stanislav Grof, I definitely fit his description of the perinatal realms of the unconscious, with the Dark Night described by BPM 2 and the ecstatic violence of BPM 3.
I think I might have triggered this a few years ago when I first tried pot. I hated it. I had extremely bad highs that sometimes included the feeling of being crushed in a black hole or tortured in hell. I kept doing it, because I was hoping these feelings would go away, and I didn't like the idea of not being able to do things other people did. I even saw faces a couple times, though these faces had an impersonal, machine like character, far from human.
I quit pot, and for several years trudged through an increasingly black depression. No other shamanic illnesses but hear me out.
I tried mushrooms about a year ago. Then LSA which made my tummy hurt, and finally Lsd. This process has by no means been fun or pleasant, but I've made tremendous progress. The second trip was the worst. I took a low dose but the shrooms were extremely strong. It started with me drifting off into sort of a trance and seeing crazy plays of form and formlessness. My ego reacted and I got sort of anxious. I ran to a different location and a lot of very dark stuff came spilling out while I cried and prayed to God for help.
I continued to trudge through the feelings of nightmarishness and metaphysical loneliness described as related to BPM 2. On an Lsa trip I saw and seemed to integrate the faces that had stared at me while I was on pot. On my most recent acid trip I visited the Void of pure love, which seemed to heal most of the damage I'd done, even though I was kind of anxious for the entire experience. And of course I had imagery related to childbirth, as well as hebrew letters (I'm Jewish by blood).
Other stuff: I've had some shamanic dreams in the past, even before all this, involving travel to sky cities, and seeing a demon in the mirror of a school bathroom. Since all this started I have been offered assistance in dreams by what seems like Spiritual helpers. I've also had spontaneous trance states. In one of them I was paralyzed and there were vibrations. It felt like an acid flashback to a trip I hadn't had. I snapped out of it with some effort. In another, God appeared as a crackling ball of malevolent lightning, and levitated me over to my bedroom window. I understood it was a trust exercise and did my best to comply.
I've also had some mild psychic abilities as a child and lately I feel like I'm recovering memories of things that never happened to me.
Things that are lacking:
I've not had any shamanic sickness besides severe depression and anxiety, although at one point I did hear screaming in my head, which might have been an indication I was on the verge of a psychosis.
I also haven't encountered the death archetype, at least not in the form you describe. I have been confronted by overwhelming forces bent on destroying me in dreams, even during childhood, but it's always something relative to my life, not death itself. When I was five or so, it was the wolf from the Three Little Pigs story. Since then it's been video game villains, my stepfather, and people from work and school. Never the grim reaper itself.
However, one incident that does bear mentioning is that one night while lying back in my bed just resting my mind, I felt like all of a sudden something slipped, and then I had this intense sense of dread, like the death was in my house. There was virtually no imagery associated with this. Just an intense feeling, but maybe that's enough.  I did my best to relax into it and the sense of dread went away. I also have no experience with Kundalini energy.
Finally, I do have a good amount of feminine energy, even though I'm male, which has caused me a lot of grief since childhood. I know this is one of the characteristics of a shaman.
So you tell me. Am I one? I've yet to experience my first ego death, but that might change on Saturday. I have many of the characteristics you describe but seem to be lacking in a few, such as the sickness or the encounter with the death archetype. I'd certainly appreciate some help, whatever this all is.

[Manicman]

I'd like a response please.

[Mystress]

 You are not a shaman. The anti psychotics are good. You are having a kinda bumpy but not atypical kundalini awakening. Not everybody gets the freight train up the spine experience but all the other stuff, spirit visitors and preoccupations are Kundalini. 

  Most young children are psychic, until their parents and other adults persuade them that its not real and they shut it down.

  Depression and anxiety are typical of someone with broken personal boundaries and too much empathy... which in turn is typical of someone whose kundalini was blown open with drugs, instead of a prepared awakening. Study the empathy and karma clearing pages on this site, learn to clean up the emotional junk you pick up from people and things will get better for you.        

[Manicman]

What anti-psychotics?I don't think what I'm happening is kundalini. I haven't had energy rising up my spine, but I have had the ecstatic loss of boundaries and influx of energy characteristic of shamanism. Plus, since my last post I think I have been confronted with the death archetype. I'v even had a dream where I thought I heard, "if he doesn't finish the process kill him."
I've also had an increasing sense of connection to nature, found power spots and whatnot. Basically the only characteristic I lack is any sort of sickness besides depression and anxiety.

[Mystress]

  I am fed up with this. Idiots who already know they *don't* have the symptoms of a shaman awakeniing insist on asking me anyway and then want to argue with me about it when I tell them no!!  It says on the shaman web page to not ask me!

I am training two shamans atm, I know what a shaman is and its the worst hardest most potentiallly lethal path there is... the path continues to get narrower and narrower your whole life as free will is ever more closely constrained.

   I would not wish it on my worst enemy, if I had a worst enemy and it could be granted by wishing- it cannot, nor by going to shaman school or any of the other crap ideas I hear, fools calling themselves a shaman because they like to drum by a fire and wear a rock around thier neck.   Its completely disrespectful.

  One of the shamans I have been training for a year, and he was so messed up to begin with its been extremely difficult, at one point it triggered a stomach ulcer I had thought long healed, its been acting up since Feb.   Three times taking the hits for him made me want to quit, and I got very sick from my resistance, the cold death vibe came and persisted getting worse with my life force being drained away until I gave in. He has wanted to quit more times than that but knows he cannot, his resistance makes us both very ill. We are chained together and I take karma hits for him.  Thats what its like to be a Shaman. Do as the Gods want or die. You want that? Give your head a shake.

   You are awakened, your awakening symptoms are typical. Be grateful you are not a shaman. If you were you wouldnt make it with an attitude like you are showing here. 

Dont ask the question if you might not like the answer.

[Manicman]

Look I'm not here to argue or whatever, and I don't appreciate being called an idiot. And I completely understand that there are a lot of people who don't take shamanism seriously, but I would like to be heard out.
The day after one of my trips, I actually remember getting stomach problems, and then falling asleep/passing out and having dreams and whatever I don't remember.
I've had imagery involving dismemberment.
I've had a dream where I remember talking to an old man and waking up crying inexplicably.
I have in fact had a hellish time of all this. It's been like falling through a portal with the continual collapse of reference points.
I don't have the typical kundalini awakening stuff: such as the rising of kundalini energy. I did have vibrations, but they weren't localized to my spine.
I've felt like cosmic amounts of ecstatic energy were getting poured into me.
I've wanted to quit at times.
I don't appreciate this bullshit condescension. I want to be a shaman not just out of a personal sense of pride, but a strong desire to help the world around me, and I don't appreciate being written off just because you're used to dealing with charlatans and whatever.

[Manicman]

I've been in constant pain.
I've had archetypal themes play out in dreams and trips.
I've felt an increasing sense of connection to more than the physical, as though the world were made up of information and energy, similar to the matrix.
I've had many, many nightmares.
I remember during childhood, having the sense that later in life there would be nightmarish times that would test me to my limits, and promising to myself that I would make it through, no matter what it took.
If this were just about personal pride, I would have given up, as it has not been worth it.
But it's about more than that. It's about a ravenous hunger for experience in non-ordinary reality, that I've had ever since I was very young. It's also about wanting to help the terrible suffering of the world around me.
So I would like to not be dismissed so simply/

[Manicman]

Finally, I have some of the personality traits of the shaman, and did long before I had heard of shamanism. I have a very eccentric, absurd, and sometimes dark sense of humor. And I am very good with language.

[Manicman]

Ok I know I'm opening up an old thread of discussion. And I know you feel the need to be a haughty c*** because you've named yourself "The Mystress" on an internet forum, but what about the part where I've had my internal organs ripped out and replaced with quartz crystal? What about when I triumphantly ascended to the sky. What about the vast amounts of ecstatic energy I'm absorbing constantly. I think I am more of a shaman than you are. You're an internet b*** who made me doubt myself when I could least afford to. F*** yourself.

[Mystress]

  Call me all the names you like, still doesn't make you a shaman just a wanna be. You dont have the guide, you dont have the vibe and you dont have a tribe. One would think being kundalini awakened would be wondrous enough for you but nooo you want to be extra special.

  Shamans tend to respect boundaries, because of the guide and the reflection. You disrespected mine when you posted on this topic despite the web page about it asking you not to. You did it again when you tried to invalidate my advice and now you sink to name calling. You are not a shaman, just a pouting little boy with a dented ego. Deal with it.

  I am editing your post because I prefer people not be locked out of this site just because your bad words make search think its porrrn. Grow up, be glad you are not  a shaman because you would not survive the training with such a terrible attitude.