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[nodgie]

Lately I've been feeling very constricted in my upper torso/neck/head. I say lately it's being going on for several years, but in the last few days especially, wherein I feel very weary in the morning and difficult to get out of bed.

From looking in the mirror, and from what I physically feel, I've always known my neck isn't "right". I find it difficult to bend it and rotate it. This problem radiates to all the extremities of my body, with varying extents.

Anyway today I was looking at my bed and I decided I'd try and do a hand-stand (as it's Saturday and I'm bored). So I placed my hands on the bed, head down, and whooshed myself forwards, feet in the air till they hit the wall with a thud. It felt rather nice and I held that pose for a few seconds, then I decided to come back down. Instead of just collapsing onto the bed I decided I'd try and come down the way I came. This felt slightly scary because I was afraid I might hit my feet off something, but I got over my fear and let my head/neck collapse backward, until my feet left the wall, and landed on the floor.

All of a sudden I felt a sudden rush to the head and everything, all the fear, anxiety, crap, crap and more crap just vanished and I was left with a feeling of supreme confidence. I felt like I was SUPERMAN. Then just as quickly as it came on, it started to fade away.

Afterwards I didn't feel and particular compulsion to tell anyone about or even think about it, it seemed to be very "forgettable". It happened several hours ago.

Since then I did this same bit of aerobics 3 or 4 times, in an attempt to conquer my fear of "letting go" and falling back. Each time I've had a rush of blood to the head and varying degrees of spiritual/ physical ecstacy in my upper body & head. One of the times I could actually hear this tremendous crack in the right-hand back side of my neck, as if tension that had been there for years was finally going away.

I'm not recommending this to anybody, and I'm not saying it's going to have the same effect on you, but I feel like I've found a big "key" in my quest for enlightenment.

Peace
- Nodgie

[nodgie]

I just did it again, and felt the usual rush, blacked out, and when I came to a strange thought occurred to me:

Am I dead?

[Darkren]

Forgive me for giving thoughts or advice...
And I want to make it clear, I am not a person to take advice from, or whose word is absolute.
But it seems to me that your method of enlightenment has little difference from taking drugs to alter mind state.

You found a way to force the state, and so you take it...  rather than surrender, and let it come while you are ready for it.

I hardly know what is right, or wrong, even though I have a theory that the concept of right/wrong is merely a perception/projection.

There are, however, multiple paths to enlightenment, and I personally can't knock you for whatever path you take.
However, any method you use that leaves you realistically wondering if you are dead, seems less than ideal.

I will admit, in my personal quest to let go, I was guided to situations that I was most afraid of losing control it, and put in the situation in a way that I would lose control, and have to face the fear.

Do you have a fear of falling, perhaps?  I mostly ask out of curiousity...   I find the paths other people take, especially when seeking enlightenment, to be absolutely fascinating.

In any case, just my thoughts.   
Hope this message finds you well.

[Junked]

I just did it again, and felt the usual rush, blacked out, and when I came to a strange thought occurred to me:

Am I dead?

In my opinion I find that your method is really just an adrenaline rush. Although there are some spiritual qualities to it. You've gotten over some of your fears of death, granting you the ability to see past the illusion of life which would result in the confidence you gained.

For me, my ultimate death of the fear of death or pain came when I experienced over a 3 day period constant dreams of me dying in various ways. I would re-spawn and die again the same way or in a different way. All of my worst fears came true and I was helpless to defend myself. Normally, In a dream state I can easily re-create the scenarios or if I am incapable of doing that I can easily escape out of the dream to another dream or to being awake. Instead I found myself first being in complete fear to the point where time would stop until I recognized why I was fearing death. For example in one of my death scenarios I would be stabbed by a humongous sword in a supposed sanctuary. So my feelings of security would be "reflected" by fear and death. After a couple of times I stopped feeling, I stopped trying to fight the fear of death and simply let go. I understood then that everything has it's time to leave, that it is not the end even if one dies. But to be mindful that everything even if immortality is acquired is still susceptible to death. Additionally is not linear, it is based on experiences. If immortality is acquired one would gladly after a certain time period grant themselves death. In my opinion one should look at death as a new chapter in a very interesting book called life.

I dare not say that I am completely enlightened but I do believe everyone has their own ways of achieving enlightenment. You should not force yourself to be possibly hurt just to achieve enlightenment. There is always another route and another path to be taken. Perhaps it will take longer, perhaps it will be shorter. It does not matter because the instant you have walked that path and have arrived at the next level of enlightenment you will fully comprehend what would have happened in all other paths towards your current level.

[Duu]

Hi nodgie,
Well body method to reach enlightenment has been as suppressed as drugs method.
Quite strange but true. Governments, religions forbade certain dances to be practiced or even musical instruments as they where tought dangerous, dirty, low and simply pagan.

And there are many methods similar to what you have described.
Spontaneous dance, possession dances of shamans and voodoo priests to whirling dances of dervishes. Many other areas. All starting from following the deep inner feeling. Same as you did.
For ascetic priest it was hard to get that can you reach god by jumping weirdly and having fun.
It was like nature, shocking to look at and out of control. And it was a directly felt method to god(s).
Social conditioning broke up for the moment. In sanctified part just for that.

There is the adrenaline part and of course altering the oxygenation of brain. Plus other body chemistry. But as you noticed there is a certain good feeling a sort of childishness, an atavistic part. A release when you let go of control. That is a form of surrender.
So it is definitely an altered state. A state whit less ego and mind activity. In such states joy of just being alive pokes trough or joy of divinity. Relaxation from social ideas and rules. Great release of body tensions and relaxation. Then if someone tells you that you a fear story and that the god or freedom or joy is in heaven. Then your experience will differ.
You felt the state of freedom and joy, maybe for a second and if that becomes your deep and permanent state then you are enlightened. It is not complicated not at all. So it is a glimpse indeed.

Divine is close. It is in you already, only veiled by blockages, ego. Ego wants to control out of fear. So symbolic to that experience. Would be a metaphor, that your life is maybe some form of a free fall into a unknown. Ego thinks it knows, it thinks it can control or that it must control. But if it cant know, it cant control. It must play illusion that it knows and filter uncomfortable new perceptions that dont fit or fear would be back.

I think we are all falling in a way. We know that there is a nice floor down there and we all are gonna meet it one day. But in in the mean time why to stress? We are falling trough a complete amazing miracle and we miss it all when we stress and cover our eyes.  Then we meet the ground, it is nothing but the arms of Goddess.

As with any method that offers an glimpse via derailing the ego for a while. It has a limitation that that state can not be sustained purely by it and it has some toll on the body. Traditionally drugs are taken or dance and rituals are performed only several times a year.  So in traditions it has place as a blessing of getting direction and of respite. And then continuing integrating the insights and blessings in our life.

It is nice to listen to body. And body is here for you, so do some kindness to it as well. Get some massage for the stiff shoulders. Nice hug or hot tub or anything that you feel like. Return love to it.

Love, Duu

[nodgie]

Thank you, All especially Duu.

If I'm completely honest I was on some drugs when I did this, and I agree it's not the proper way to get to enlightenment. But I believe this would have been attainable if I were not on drugs.

I think I'll concentrate more on deep breathing and focusing inwards rather than flips and somersaults.

FYI: When I had the tought of "Am I dead?" it came in 2 or 3 parts, in rapid succession:

First I had the very original idea (my first time having this idea) that I could be dead, and there's no reason why to say I'm not. This "idea" then quickly became a realization
SecondI realized that if I am dead then I'm not going to die again
ThirdIf I'm dead then I'm free to do anything without fear

Well, I'm still not enlightened yet but when I am you guys will be the first to know!

Peace