Search

[Wanda]

Hi all,

I haven't posted for a while. A few years ago, I asked advice on how to live with a lost identity, http://kundalini-teacher.com/visitors/index.php/topic,720.0.html Well, things haven't changed much since then. Except that I've become more and more frustrated.

Don't know where to begin... I've been trying to remain grounded, follow my inner guidance and to do an entity clearing whenever things seem out of place. I've been putting on a brave face, telling myself that if I just keep at it, then eventually I would start feeling better.

Because I don't. I mean, after the numbness and seclusion of the dark night, it felt wonderful simply to be alive and in this world. But go figure, this isn't enough for me anymore. I'd like to have a purpose. I'd like to have relationships. I'd like my everyday life not to be a struggle.

I used to function very well in the world, and now I'm barely surviving. I try not to worry about my job, my studies - things piling up, deadlines passing -, not to be sad because the people I used to be close to are now growing more and more distant.

Following the guidance, I've let go of about 3/4 of what I own, throwing it away along with the memories attached. Sure one can survive with only a few items, but with a few more life would be more effective, or at least more comfortable. What I do own is all 'temporary'.

I've been telling myself that this is just me adjusting to the resurrected life, I'll get used to it, things will get easier, God's plan for me will unfold one step at a time as long as I follow the guidance and let His will be done through me. Then why do I feel miserable?

What more can I do? What more can I undo? I don't know anymore. I've been crying, and these are not the good tears. Today, I had an impulse to kill myself - just like during the ego death-phase - only that I've already been through ego death...

There was nothing symbolic about the impulse, it came the way I usually get the next assignment from my inner guidance. It freaked me out. I realized that I needed help. So I came here. Any insights regarding my situation would be greatly appreciated,

Wanda

[newbiepsychic]

Wanda,
I am so sorry to hear you are struggling so.  I had to write to you after reading your post. 
Please don't do anything drastic.  It's not necessary, it's just a low.  tomorrow will be better because you'll make it better, you think you don't have that ability, but you do.  Trust in the higher power but that higher power is you! think negative, you attract negative, think positive, you attract positive. 
don't always follow what others tell you to do, part of this is you figuring it out for yourself, taking responsibility.

I'm definitely NOT a certified therapist or anything like that, you do not have to listen to me, only that, I know how you feel, it's hard, very hard. 

I could be way off base here but I feel as though you are not open to love, and by that I mean loving yourself, loving God or whomever you affiliate yourself with, or just seeing how even the smallest and seemingly insignificant things in life bring joy.  Try to learn to appreciate those things, it opens you up. 
of course part of this is feeling the pain as well, so I wouldn't say don't feel it, just recognize it for what it is, work your way through it, hard I know.  balance balance balance

Detachment has been one of the HARDEST things for me through, I understand.  Please try to keep perspective.  tomorrow is another day.  If you give up now you don't get to see what you could do with your life or what's in store for you. 

Very best of luck to you.   

[Mystress]

  If you attach to anything after ego death you grow a new ego of course. Usually not a very healthy one.

  To me you seem like another overwhelmed empath, read the projections essay and figure out what you are doing to attract other folks emotional gunk.