An Interactive Guestbook

 
Yeah the Hindus like to call me Durga. Where did Samantha come from? Bewitched TV show?

 

First of all I would like to thank you Mystress, for the work you've been doing here as it has been a tremendous help to me understanding the path of Kundalini awakening. This is pretty much the story of my life so, I'll try to make it as short as I can.

My purpose for writing this is for the benefit of sharing, first of all, and hopefully to get advice, insights on my life, wise words from Mystress and/or the community. I divided my post in three parts, in order to make it easier to apprehend. Any help will be much welcomed...

Namasté

   Part 1
During pregnancy, my father vanished more or less, which was a terrible thing for my mother to deal with. I believe this is when my abandon complex started, before I was even born. I had a happy childhood all in all, although not without difficulties, considering the fact that we were far from being a happy family.  My father was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 30, as he was having his first known occurence of a manic state. I was about 5 or 6 at that time. Soon after, I would have to deal with feelings of abandon and the deprivation of affection from my mother's part. I would also become an accumulator to her anger and frustration, stemming from my parents' unhappy relationship.

I've always been a highly sensitive, empathic person I guess, but I had to build this protection wall around me as a child and later on to feel secure. Depression stroke me in 2011, when me and my first big love affair broke up, after a five years relationship. I was 21. I've been addicted to cannabis since I was 17 and became a heavy user over the years, so the plant would become the center of my life up to now. In 2015, I had become a "casual" LSD and mushrooms user. I've been strongly depressed and heavily medicated most of the time, from 2011 up to this point. Then, I decided to drop straight on medication (again) and that I would heal myself with the aid of psylocibe mushrooms. I was fed up with the long lasting effects of depression, medication and drug abuse, and decided to step out of the victim's role I had been playing for the past few years.

   Part 2
On the 8th of december 2015, I had what one would call a spiritual experience. After months of tripping on shrooms I had grown myself, having nothing but magical empowering experiences, I had decided to perform a kind of ritual, to heal myself for good. The so-called ritual went as followed: I drank the green tea mixed with honey and 3.5g of my strong mushies macerated in lemon juice, a copy of the Bhagavad Gita in front of me, and a solfeggio frequency video on youtube as background music, which was supposed to activate the root chakra. My underlying -almost unconscious- mindset, was that I wanted to surrender my life to the will of God.

The onset was very quick, I went straight into bed and closed my eyes. As every muscle of my body began to shake violently and uncontrolably, I started to experience visions. I would see myself floating in a dark space, my [astral?] body being traversed by an invisible, cosmic wind. As I was wondering what the hell was happening to me, I instantly got an answer in thought: "you are being cleansed". Around me was this seemingly infinite ocean of boiling darkness, from which vaguely familiar looking, colored shapes and forms (mostly geometric) were simultaneously emerging and sinking into. I feel it was the most surrealistic vision one could ever thing of.

The "cleansing" went on for a while. I was in a relaxed state, enjoying the vision, feeling exctatic and immensly greatful for what was happening to me. Then, suddenly... BOOSH! Everything vanished. No time, no space, no "me". The absolute Void. It felt like I had been smashed under the mighty thumb of God and got completely disintegrated. A "moment" later, I got this message in thought, so powerful that I could almost read it in my mind, written in capital neon letters : "YOU WILL BE A HEALER". And it was over. I kept my eyes closed for a while, as my consciousness was coming back to my body, still shaky, still experiencing fading visions. As I opened them, I was submerged by this thought: "I'm being reborn". It felt like a true renaissance.

After years of being plunged into the fog and despair of depression, I was suddenly pulled into a state of complete, utter clarity and bliss. At this point, I became exalted. It was Christmas time and my mother, seeing how exalted I was, went hysterical at my face, as she was witnessing something unpleasantly familiar arising in me. This is what brought me back down to earth, after about a month of being in this exalted, yet not delirious, state.

   Part 3
I believe this experience had triggered the awakening of Kundalini. I began to make radical changes in my life: I had quit tobacco, started doing Hatha Yoga and meditation on a regular basis, consumming a lot less alcohol and drugs, stopped eating meat, moved away from Paris, from my family and circle of friends I was unhappy with.

I've had a bad health most of my life. I have a debilitating condition for more than a year now, doctors don't know how to call it yet. My feet seem to be the most affected region: I need a croutch if I have to walk outside of my appartment. But I can feel all of my body is stiffened. I have not been able to carry on my job as a postman and I'm unemployed since. Doctors thought it was sarcoidosis, which I have been diagnosed with as they were trying to figure out what was happening to me. But it went away after less than a year and the physical symptoms are still here, like nothing have changed.

My depression stems from a deep feeling of loneliness and abandon, which is mutilating the inside of my body and soul. It has corrupted everything in my life. After a three years break, depression resurfaced last year. I have also been batteling cannabis addiction for years. After more than 40 days of abstinence, I lost it and spent a week smoking weed. I couldn't cope with all the negativity in my mind and loneliness in my life. I needed a break from this, but it's only making things worse obviously.

I am turning 30 in just a few months. Joyless, jobless, broke, crippled, without perspective on the future, more unsecure, isolated and lonelier than I ever was. I crave for connections, meeting people, having a fulfilled social and sexual life, but I don't even know where to start. Paralyzed by the loneliness, the fear of rejection, abandon and feelings of worthlessness. I haven't found a way yet to go beyond all the fear, the sadness and loneliness that are filling my everyday life.

around 2008 when I was in the health bunker as a vegan,
with a few crystals and a pack of tarot cards and some simple simple
clothes, only natural make up and vegan, and a body board

and my body was perfectly honed from yoga austerities with steve
who took me around England, and to merlin's observatory and Edinburgh
and glasto

translation from the Chinese poem on the other sction of forum:
"The world is big, my eyes are all you, the world is very small, my eyes are only you. The world is wonderful, let me know you; the world is so bad that I didn't let me hug you. The world is wonderful, electric two-way valve, every day to see you, the world is helpless, day and day bitter to read you!"


I probably felt this, but I was scared of you back then in the more ordinary sense that I didn't know beings had magical powers. and I had a normal life.

Then, Buddhist after Buddhist, I met more and more of you, who were there already, and it aroused jealousy, so I guarded my secrets about NKT and kundalini and other stuff that I like and enjoy.


and I just read this book Kudalini and the Physical Plane

which Steve Owned, and a few others too, such as Ghandi,

erm.....not Aurobindo.......the Yogananda one, and also Osho.....

.....something about women not being allowed to approach men, only the other way around....


Anyways, God helped me a lot to understand the occult world, both of Light and Darkness, so I could understand what ever it was you super saints were on about.


Around the time of the health bunker anyway, Kieron met you in a dream,
and also, you visited me, and it was really scary, as you came into my room as a dark emanation, behind a mirror. Ooh.....


You are one scary lady........that's why we love you.

Some Fatty Feeder from the C of E recently said I was a scary lady!
I was like WhHat!


No I'm not Hugh, I'm like a prostitute, we've now been talking for 40 minutes in this conversation, and I'd like to be released to go to the loo please,

the guru needs to change his nappy

I have one of Kieron's Ankhs here with me
remembering the days before he interrogated me

he would walk in that scruffy kitchen all the magazines
piled up everywhere, all the dirt

money, figures, toys, papers, letters, everything,
that horrible old table and chairs you couldn't even see

and his long hair and gray eyes and square jaw
-----

he was always wearing his three piece suit, with the black belted waitcoat
the black trousers, sometimes women's jeans, and his black jacket

funny hats

and police boots (as far as I was concerned)
-------

he looked like Jesus

then, one time, I saw a dream which was when I was in a actual realm
where he is on a chariot and I'm a spy child, and he is an alchemist
----------

he and his dad Bryan interrogated me for 2 years
daily

asking philosophical questions and zen koans I couldn't answer

and flames of fury

one day I pointed a crystal at their house, and it set on fire and they escaped.
-------------

I can't believe this,
my mum is starting to believe
Mystress, who we say may be called
Sammy or Samantha,
is the Almighty God ISIS or similar

because since we started praying to her,
we had sadguru masters do yantra tandra and other dras with us

a pagan library open in cromer
and 3 years of Brahman's SUN in Cromer
----------

a little unofficial mafia circuit

turbaned girl sitting smoking outside swiss launderette
before the big stuff
------------


and Baby King George is little replica of Mr Woodrow who
is  Donald Trump of Cromer, or Schindler of Cromer in the Jew Story


and his sister and he, both Royal Children, are Star Gazing children
who may be able to see through the planes, worlds and dimensions


like from the window of the Flat 2, Hamilton House
by the big Masonic House with the Pent Roof

which is the larger version of the Little Mini Mansion behind

72 Beecheno Road
--------

IN the Pregnancy Centre/cloning centre, I met several sisters of Mystress
and celtic cousins.

In England they are called the Canadian People,
which is funny as

there was a Canadian Lady in Hamilton House, Flat 1,
Sandra from one of your big cities, big tall, strong woman,

who i joked was my Mum in my past life,

which is what I say to all the Jewishy looking folks of Cromer,


........not so much the common british people sadly....
--------------


Hahaha


yesteday I wanted to phone Crazy Clever Kieron (da Vinci)

with his arab strap              just joking,


i can't remember what an arab strap is, but that song German Whip
was big here
-----------


it's mostly Islamics who run the facility
but they are alright, some are Lamaish,
others up-tech, fast, cold, telephone ones

like in this film which came out recently

my name sake,

BAPTISTE
-------

Drama on BBC TV
-----------

something about missing people.......like when I made that phone call
after the kundalini went wooosh....

.........999...........i'll find maddie mccann.......buddha girl one year.....buddha beats, come on here.......


It was Lucy Hawking the Supermodel Celtic who had aroused my Jealousy
which came through that morning

which made me run to the telephone in the back street to kill myself

Thank you very much, Mystress, for your reply. Hope all the changes in life go smoothly with you. I have joined the FST last week, and very excited to know you are returning to the public session work again, I would like to have an individual activation/session when you think all is ready.

.......North Norfolk Buddhism Studies and Meditation is also a Black Japanese Book with Golden Dharma Wheel Tradition.....

our sin system is psychiatric evaluation
-------

this is the same for Mystry Trad,

as I met several Mystress-alikes in the international Mind Laboratory
      HELL ES DON       .......hospital......


                                                          Shalom and God Bless

Sorry I spoke with my Mum, who more or less controls
everything in my life down to a T. She confesses that
she's an enemy of your teachings because out of hand
she might have been a jealous objector to you in past lives.

Me, I'm just a scared person who plays tricks on people for fun.
And Kieron Cousell is a severe Satanist which effected our family.

And Geoffrey Treisman the Sage, is Gandalf........

...............its all crystals galore, but I hope your Fire Students....
help the Earth, whatever the earth's karma is, we would guess
you knew more than others.

And our only prayer was for the industrial complexes to stop
chemical abuse.

  Sorry to have been absent of late. Personal stuff, death in the family, menopause kicking my heath etc.

  At present I have no lineage available to do activations. Sigmund retired a few years ago because he is elderly and the massive energies involved were kicking his ass. I have been doing them myself.

  Remote activations have been problematic: if someone is not sensitive enough they wont feel it, and might accuse me of ripping them off.
I end up initiating them in real time anyway. Others ask so many questions about my email I end up spending hours responding... so I have come to prefer to do them real-time, chat, skype IM, or secondlife. 

  The problem for me is, I really take care of people. My activations sometimes last 3 hours as I prep the central channel for awakening and look at what are the issues that might cause problems. You know I offer so much for free but sessions pay the bills and spending so much time with someone for the cost of a half hour session does not work for me. Some do send donations after, (I do not insist on it, because it is my choice to do what Goddess wants and not just the time they paid for) a percentage of what the extra would be worth.

Previously, group activations were only available in person: I would offer them at the end of an FST intensive weekend.

  I am making some changes.

  The current rate will be for a group activation, and they will be held four times a year, just before the solstices and equinoxes. I am currently looking for some streamlined way to handle payments and event scheduling for the tummo and I am going to start having chat classes again as well. Any geeks got some ideas?

  The next one will be at 5pm PDT June 20, 2019 and it will be held on my secondlife island. https://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Kundalini%20Mystic%20Isle/128/128/0/ accounts are free. A payment page will be created before then. I will update this thread when it goes live.

Individual activations can be had as a $50. add-on to a three hour session.  I am returning to public session work after 11 years hiatus. A lot has happened for me in that time, in 2012 decades of grounding bore new fruit and I became an avatar of the planetary consciousness... the years since have been spent adjusting to the unprecedented transformation.

This website is in the process of being changed back to an html site after a few years of being run by a CMS (content management system) that never worked as hoped for.