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[Maximus]

   I have finally decided to face my shame, and share my story with you. Because now, I don't have the slightest idea what to do with my 'problem'(gift). And I have no one to talk about with, because all of my friends think that I'm slightly crazy since I have begun my path.

   I have first seen it when I was listening to the muisc (Tool) in meditative state for some time. It was 2 years ago. I was experiencing strange phenomena like pressure between the eyebrows and purple/green colors flushing through my field of vision(while having my eyes closed). I tried to maintain the silence of mind while being absorbed completely by the music. I knew very little of spiritual path, I have read some stuff about pineal gland/third eye and I thought it was cool to have such experiences. On one such half-meditative listening I saw a being entering my field of vision which looked like grey alien. I was extremely frightened and stopped listening at once. I was wondering if I had a halucination caused by intense use of caffeine during that period of my life (intense study of particular subject due to abnormal interest in it and upcoming "olympics") or was it a damage in my eye that may looked like it.

   Time passed by, and I could see this being throughout the day in flashes and while meditatively listening to music. Just flashes of strange alien-like face. Two months later, some books had made their way to me, and I started my spiritual practice! I could see it in my meditations, it was on the left side on my vision. I thought that I am seeing an angel that I can't yet hear, so I need to meditate more. But something wasn't right, I read few things on the internet about mischevious entities telling people that they are angels, so I wanted to be careful.

   I began to experience strange things due to my practice. Cold/Hot flushes, ants crawling on skin, hot and cold needles stinging me, deppression, waves of paranoia, and overall emotional mess (in negative sense). I thought that I have done something bad, and prayed for help avidly. Time passed by, synchronicities and feelings led me to this site. Hooray!! I'm Kundalini awakened!! That's the cause of my problems!!

   I also found an article about entities(not on this site) and desperately wanted to find a Healer or Entity clearer beacause the influence of this being was becoming stronger. It started to appear in my thoughts, while naturaly visualizing or thinking about something. I also started to have persistent unpleasant thoughts. For example I was talking to someone and all of a sudden I thought what it would be like if I would hit them in the face, or knifed them to death. I still have it to this day, slowly increasing in persistence. And I can't visualize properly. Its impossible for me to do grounding. The entity appears in my mental image, and takes the egg away from my body, or reduces it in size, or pulls the cord which connects me to the earth to it's mouth and starts to suck energy from it.

   I have a feeling that it resides in the 2nd chakra area, yet it somehow appears in my vision outside of me, to the left(Im not sure if this is true). I often experience sexual cravings(I'm 90% sure it comes from entity), and, well, I don't have a strong will. And if I relieve myself from the craving, meditating becomes really hard, because the sorowness in this area becomes much more stiff, and shakti can't pass thorugh it. But when I persist, the pressure becomes bigger, and I'm getting spasms, twitches and massive uncontrollable body movements, which makes meditating impossible. It's Like the sorowness didn't want to be pushed from there.

   The most strange thing is happening the very moment before I fall to sleep. The entities start to show me images, morph into images, morph into persons I met throughout the day and speak to me in their voices, say/transmit(pure knowing) very weird irrational things. They(or it?) seem to multiply themsleves/itself. Sometimes it appears as one being, sometimes as a group, but most often as a two faces build of green and purple clouds/fog(My vision is not 100% clear) on the left and right side of my vision.

   And then I'm asleep. The additional problem is that, I can't have healthy OBEs and lucid dreams. My OBEs looks mostly like this:
- I lay in my bed. Then the foggy face of entity appears  and I'm having a HUGE painful cramp all over my body(mostly left side). I can feel that it comes from area where I see it.
- Okay, I made it out of the body, and now I'm standing in the room. Suddenly something takes over me, and I loose control of my hands, legs, I start to shake, my astral body is being thrown through the whole room to one wall, then to another. Pretty terryfying experience.
   Lucid dreams are similar to the point two of unhealthy OBEs.
   
    So it's now 2 years. It disturbs my meditations, and I do what I can to stay silent, and not to pay attention to the bullshit it is saying/transmitting.   
    I have read the section regarding entities on this site long ago, and tried to do the clearing many, many times. It didn't work. I had faith in angels(well, for one week...) and it too didn't  work. I tried to love it, but due to K work, I often cant get a bit of Love from myself. Or when I Love, love, and love it, emotional stuff begins to rise, and I can't love anymore. So I lived with it. In the beginning I was blaming it badly for what it was doing, now I've got used to it. I'm not afraid of it that much anymore(When I am, I let the fear go through me). I try not to blame it i.e. give my power away to it.
 
   One could say, so what's the problem?

   I would REALLY like to finally be free. To be free of astral harassments(lol), be able to visualize, be free of persistent thoughts, and cravings.

    Any helpful insight is appreciated.

[Mystress]

Ah, the greys.
 
   They hung around me for a while in the late 90's, but I never had a problem with it because I was open to what they were showing me.  They represent the Witness state, teach about it and provoke it.  I could even morph and channel them and I knew when someone got the glimpse by the look of horror... after a while they were replaced by some new species of guide, anthopomorphic lions with the King Tut hat and the third eye flashbulb effect. They taught about having passion for life, playing full out.

  There is a zen saying that you become free of your demons when you can laugh at them. Try it! 

   The state of being plagued by entities like these is called Zen Madness and its also a phase of power chakra opening that not everybody gets... but those who mess around with new age stuff channeling and seeking an OBE sure often do!  The astral is where the aliens live and you bought their attention by messing with it. 

  What is it you think Lucid dreaming and out of body will give you that Goddess won't provide? That is the lack of faith at the base of these spiritual practices.  If you need those things they will come spontaneously as a result of awakening and if you push yourself wanting power then the power chakra opening reflects your lack of faith. 

   The whole job of astral entities is to play power games with you, getting you to give your power away to them until you get fed up, realize you are God of your own life and Goddess is all, and transcend the astral. 

   The only power they have is what you gave them and you have given them tons!  You think you are not blaming them but through your beliefs you are giving them power over your Kundalini?  LOL! No, that power to make you shake with kriyas and vibrate, belongs to Goddess. Kriyas are part of the process of your body releasing karma and its best to go with it.

  Having visions and vibrations and muscle contractions as you fall asleep is a very common occurrance for awakened people, even those not being visited.  Replaying the events of the day is part of growing and cleaning out the daily supply of karmic lint from normal interactions. 

  Stop with the lucid dreaming and obe practice: instead pray for deep, dreamless refreshing sleep.  Stop believing the aliens have any power: when something happens affirm Goddess did it and give thanks.   Goddess is All that Is.. so its always true.

  Just for an experiment, try aiming the same quality of unconditional love at someone fictional, like Bugs Bunny or Sherlock Holmes.  You will find the intensity of energy coming back is the same as when you sent it to the aliens.  Send it to a spiritual figure like the Dalai lama or the Pope... again, same. 
  Its not about who the love goes to, its about you and the power of love, and how Goddess is All.   

   Most of the stuff you describe is classic symptoms of active Kundalini... you are giving credit to the aliens instead of Goddess inside yourself... you are stopping when the emotions rise instead of surrendering and releasing them.  These are the sources of your issues, alien harassment is only a minor symptom that you are making big with your attention and beliefs.

   OK? Let us know how it goes. Blessings... 

   

[Maximus]

  Thank you for your response, it opened my eyes quite a bit After I wrote my post, I couldn't check if it had any responses because... I was too ashamed!! The wave of embarassment was extremely overwhelming, and it was quite a challenge for me too look here again. After my awakening, events which would normally cause very little emotional reaction, now started to trigger much more stuff. BTW, I wasn't practising any forms of inducing OBEs or LD, except one, sometimes I thought it would be COOL to have them!

Thank you one more time, I'll apply your advice and see what happens.

[Mystress]

  Well I am not sure why you would be embarassed... except maybe people might think you are crazy.  I don't think you are crazy but its not my job to judge that.  Got a title that is not in any dictionary and no letters behind my name.

  Keep us posted on how things go with you.

    Blessings...

[july]

I have experienced this. I can only say I am a more humble person today. I did alot of energy work and I mean alot. I was depressed and cannot believe the support I had from a friend it literally saved my life. I quit smoking and drink alot of water. I am sure each person's journey is different but I have to say I was freaked out scared to death that it would stay like that for my life. I  thought I was sent here for a reason. I have learned that I am unable to change anyone. My energy levels were totally depleated I am now thankfully back on track and am feeling healed. You can meet anything on the other side I thought it was cool too. Just ignore them, they get angry when you do, unless your energy was really high it's better to ignore them and concentrated on yourself. I drew a manifestation card that brought all parts of myself back to me and grounded my self constantly. I danced the samba alot they couldn't keep up. I did laughing yoga but the movement thing helped tremendously. I hope I helped. I am just getting out of it after about 2 years since 06 and everyone is different, so pray for a sound night sleep forget lucid dreaming, love yourself like she does, she really does give you everything that you need. peace and light july

[july]

I apologized if I overstepped by expressing what i went through but i just got out of it and wanted to share if I was not suppose to please let me know. blessings july

[Maximus]

So this is how it goes:

In  3D I feel much better knowing that Goddess is responsible for what I am experiencing, it really uplifts me. I have also started to do grounding, despite the fact that I have problems with visualizing. It feels great! Of course entity appears, pulls the cord which connects me to earth, or messes with light on the level of solar plexus(more of that later). But then I try to feel it, and when I can't do that too, I just acknowledge it went as it should.

But in astral things are... quite weird. I forgot to specify in a first post that I wasn't using any forms of inducing OBEs or Lucid Dreams, it just came naturally to me (about once or twice per month).

First event was somehow positive. I found myself laying on my bed and I started to have a huge cramp in stomach area(very common occurence in my night experiences).  Something was trying to pass through there. It was Kundalini!! The cramp passed, and when shakti got to the chest area it started to vibrate, slowly, then very fast, and ZZZAP! I was out of my body walking around my room. The entity presence was only noticeable when I was on my bed, and I could only see little foggy masks-faces.

The second one: some weird thought entered my mind, I wanted the entities to try to scare me. One appeared, and I didn't react. But then, rapidly it moved its face to me, and then I was scared. The moment the wave of fear flushed over me, it sucked some white-blue light/energy from me. Then two infinitely high walls made of white energetic snow appeared(like in TV, except it was three-dimensional) and I was between them, heading really fast forward. At the end a huge screen apeared, and when I hit it, the dream ended. I think it has something to do with grounding(white sparking snow).

The third one was utterly terryfying. I have already experienced similar dreams, but this one was the most devastating of its kind. I jumped out of the bed with a strong feeling of being posessed by something. I couldn't control my hands. They, as the rest of my body, were shaking in uncontrolable spasms. The entity presence was  very noticeable(Like a person in 3D world standing in front of you). Completely terrified, I started to have a wild pressure to destroy the doors of my room(coming from this 'something') and then I started to tear them apart. At the end of the dream I was 'sober', laying on my bed, bathed in ugly(this is the only word which comes to my mind in order to name the vibration they send) presence of entities. I was thinking: "What to do?" And I've just accepted it trying not to make a big thing of it. Also, it talked to me much, much nonsense.

And the two last and fresh experiences from todays dreaming. It was actually weird, in a period of 1,5 hour I had five both very short and very long dreams. But I'll focus on the ones reagrding my old friends:
I was in my bed(again...) having a huge cramp on the upper left side of my stomach. It was extremely painful, and the entity presence was VERY strong. Confused by this, I thought that it makes these cramps. But then an insight: surrender! Following it, my pelvis was pulled in upper direction and the head plus feet were pulled more towards my bed. Wow, a kriya! Then, the energy made me sit cross-legged and my head was maximally bent towards my bed. I don't remeber the effect it had on my pain, but I think it somehow alleviated it.

And the last one. I had a strong sense that I have dreamed this in a distant past, but I really havn't.  I was in a little ship on a lake and I thought that there is a dark-something far away in a lake.  After my thought, this dark presence(which looked like a big black blob of some liquid) came to me rapidly, and entered my body through my leg and my anus. Kinda weird. It wasn't pleasurable in any way. Although, I do remember that there was something sexual about this.

So all and all, I think that entity is a negative cheerleader in my adventures, and the rest of stuff The Goddess does.
   But what about my solar plexus pain? I had a hard time thinking what it may be... it is present since the strenghtening of my kundalini flow(1,5 of year). Also the distortion of visualization is most evident here. In addtion, after meditating from 10 - 30 minutes my solar plexus feels stiff, and starts to hurt. It is always makes itself felt when the flow of K is stronger. Maybe a big blockage? I dont know.
   Like I said, I don't have much problems with dark guys in 3D reality, and when they stare at me when I'm going to sleep, I'm just thinking how cool would they look in a surreal movie or painting(and I love surreal art!), but the subject of dreams is quite confusing to me.
   Uff, I wrote quite much, but I really didnt know what to omit, and what to include. I hope that this sheds some light on my 'case' Blessings!

[Mystress]

  Well, I think you are getting the hang of it.

  When you get kriyas and think entities are doing it, you go into fear and resistance but once you realize its Goddess they flow through and heal you. Intense kriyas can feel like being possessed, the body is moving by itself but that is what it is... the body has its own inner healing wisdom and will stretch and pose to clear itself as instinctively as a cat stretches if you allow it.
   I've known people to get kriyas that make them dance ancient dances, sing chants, roar like a lion and one guy who gets possessed by Indian animal dieties when his energy is high.  Hanumann, Ganesha...

   Your unconscious mind has all of the collective consciousness to draw upon to clear your karma and can pull up stuff from other times and cultures.  The body mind and the unconscious mind are not separate, they speak through each other.  The unconscious in particular speaks in the language of symbolism which is where the strange dreams come in. Water represents spiritual energy and the unconscious mind, and shadows usually represent stuff to be released; surrendered or integrated. 
   Just surrender the dreams, if there is meaning to be found it will be made clear later, but usually you are just being shown stuff to surrender in a symbolic way. Dont get attached to the dreams, worrying about what they mean: just let them flow and let them go.

         As you continue to give power to Goddess and surrender to the Kundalini process instead of giving power to entities, they will fade because thier job is done. 
 
  Ask Goddess to take the blockage from your stomach too.. then distract yourself and let what happens, happen.

    Blessings...

[ShamanSecrets]

   I have finally decided to face my shame, and share my story with you. Because now, I don't have the slightest idea what to do with my 'problem'(gift). And I have no one to talk about with, because all of my friends think that I'm slightly crazy since I have begun my path.

   I have first seen it when I was listening to the muisc (Tool) in meditative state for some time. It was 2 years ago. I was experiencing strange phenomena like pressure between the eyebrows and purple/green colors flushing through my field of vision(while having my eyes closed). I tried to maintain the silence of mind while being absorbed completely by the music. I knew very little of spiritual path, I have read some stuff about pineal gland/third eye and I thought it was cool to have such experiences. On one such half-meditative listening I saw a being entering my field of vision which looked like grey alien. I was extremely frightened and stopped listening at once. I was wondering if I had a halucination caused by intense use of caffeine during that period of my life (intense study of particular subject due to abnormal interest in it and upcoming "olympics") or was it a damage in my eye that may looked like it.

   Time passed by, and I could see this being throughout the day in flashes and while meditatively listening to music. Just flashes of strange alien-like face. Two months later, some books had made their way to me, and I started my spiritual practice! I could see it in my meditations, it was on the left side on my vision. I thought that I am seeing an angel that I can't yet hear, so I need to meditate more. But something wasn't right, I read few things on the internet about mischevious entities telling people that they are angels, so I wanted to be careful.

   I began to experience strange things due to my practice. Cold/Hot flushes, ants crawling on skin, hot and cold needles stinging me, deppression, waves of paranoia, and overall emotional mess (in negative sense). I thought that I have done something bad, and prayed for help avidly. Time passed by, synchronicities and feelings led me to this site. Hooray!! I'm Kundalini awakened!! That's the cause of my problems!!

   I also found an article about entities(not on this site) and desperately wanted to find a Healer or Entity clearer beacause the influence of this being was becoming stronger. It started to appear in my thoughts, while naturaly visualizing or thinking about something. I also started to have persistent unpleasant thoughts. For example I was talking to someone and all of a sudden I thought what it would be like if I would hit them in the face, or knifed them to death. I still have it to this day, slowly increasing in persistence. And I can't visualize properly. Its impossible for me to do grounding. The entity appears in my mental image, and takes the egg away from my body, or reduces it in size, or pulls the cord which connects me to the earth to it's mouth and starts to suck energy from it.

   I have a feeling that it resides in the 2nd chakra area, yet it somehow appears in my vision outside of me, to the left(Im not sure if this is true). I often experience sexual cravings(I'm 90% sure it comes from entity), and, well, I don't have a strong will. And if I relieve myself from the craving, meditating becomes really hard, because the sorowness in this area becomes much more stiff, and shakti can't pass thorugh it. But when I persist, the pressure becomes bigger, and I'm getting spasms, twitches and massive uncontrollable body movements, which makes meditating impossible. It's Like the sorowness didn't want to be pushed from there.

   The most strange thing is happening the very moment before I fall to sleep. The entities start to show me images, morph into images, morph into persons I met throughout the day and speak to me in their voices, say/transmit(pure knowing) very weird irrational things. They(or it?) seem to multiply themsleves/itself. Sometimes it appears as one being, sometimes as a group, but most often as a two faces build of green and purple clouds/fog(My vision is not 100% clear) on the left and right side of my vision.

   And then I'm asleep. The additional problem is that, I can't have healthy OBEs and lucid dreams. My OBEs looks mostly like this:
- I lay in my bed. Then the foggy face of entity appears  and I'm having a HUGE painful cramp all over my body(mostly left side). I can feel that it comes from area where I see it.
- Okay, I made it out of the body, and now I'm standing in the room. Suddenly something takes over me, and I loose control of my hands, legs, I start to shake, my astral body is being thrown through the whole room to one wall, then to another. Pretty terryfying experience.
   Lucid dreams are similar to the point two of unhealthy OBEs.
   
    So it's now 2 years. It disturbs my meditations, and I do what I can to stay silent, and not to pay attention to the bullshit it is saying/transmitting.   
    I have read the section regarding entities on this site long ago, and tried to do the clearing many, many times. It didn't work. I had faith in angels(well, for one week...) and it too didn't  work. I tried to love it, but due to K work, I often cant get a bit of Love from myself. Or when I Love, love, and love it, emotional stuff begins to rise, and I can't love anymore. So I lived with it. In the beginning I was blaming it badly for what it was doing, now I've got used to it. I'm not afraid of it that much anymore(When I am, I let the fear go through me). I try not to blame it i.e. give my power away to it.
 
   One could say, so what's the problem?

   I would REALLY like to finally be free. To be free of astral harassments(lol), be able to visualize, be free of persistent thoughts, and cravings.

    Any helpful insight is appreciated.

Training and Spirit Visits can sometimes be cumulative. When it first happens you may only see visions or images.  As time goes on, the contact becomes stronger and can include seeing these spirits for a longer period of time and being able to hear them speak in dreams or journeys.  During my own process I was bothered by a deranged or mad Woman and an old man who was very angry about something and felt he wanted to hurt me.  Both were asking for help but because I had no help or Shamanic training there was no one to ask what to do.
I began to search for other Shaman's online and in my mind.

It was another spirit who taught me and showed me what to do.  The first time he made his visit I did not see him.  I only saw his instruction.  In the vision I again saw the old man and he had indeed hurt me so of course I was not going to allow him to do it any more.  I believe he hurt me because he wanted my attention.  I walked over to him and drew a phosphorescent green circle around him.  The circle was a portal and this sent him back to the place he really wanted to be.  I feel he had been sitting on that rock alone and angry all those years waiting for someone to free him. I feel he went to a better place where he wanted to be. 

The next spirit who was the mad deranged Woman I felt had something terrible and traumatic happen to her in life and had become a lost soul.  Because she was lost she was crying out in her torment and pain in madness.  I went over to her and drew perfect triangle arrows for her to follow.  The arrows pointed the way for her to go to the next level of consciousness so that she could like other people analyze her life and have the option to be reborn or to move on in the spiritual world to a happier place.

This absolutely worked and worked well.  I was as happy as the spirits who had left that domain.  I wondered about what it meant and why it worked.  I searched and searched for the meaning and origination of those simple but very effective symbols.  I came across the word Qi.  I looked up everything I could about Qi.

In my next vision I met the spirit guide who had helped me and told me about Qi.  He was a very happy healthy Siberian Shaman of long ago.  He had a magic ball of energy in his hand which he held out to me which was an invitation and he did not show himself until I said Ok.  He danced around and did flips and smiled and laughed.  He lived in the land of snow.  He took me to the edge of a ice crevice and looked down.  I wondered why and wondered if I was supposed to jump into the crevice but that was not the purpose.  He was merely showing me the lava beneath the ice.  Oddly all the ice and glaciers were lit from within with the glow of lava as you would see from volcanoes.  He then told me that "Qi comes from the earth spirit which is a part of all people".  This Qi was most abundant in the volcanoes and the glaciers.  This was amazing and beautiful information.  This wonderful spirit guide came to teach me and to tell me secrets of the universe.  I am supposed to write it down and I hope this information will help others.  He did not tell me his name but drew a symbol in the same phosphorescent green which I believe was his name.

I hope this information helps others.  The drawing of the magic Qi symbols is done in the spiritual domain.  Circles are portals and they work best with supernatural beings.  Arrows which must be drawn as perfect triangles are for pointing lost and tormented souls in the right direction so they are no longer lost souls.   You can try this in the physical domain to see if it works but if it doesn't the next time try it in the spiritual domain.

This information comes from the ancient Qi Shaman Spirit and is in blessing and reverence to him for his help.

[Maximus]

Well I considered starting a new topic("this one is at least 500 days old"), but since theres a list of new posts at the bottom, I thought that this one will do. Well its been a long time since I last posted here, and I had a break from ongoing spiritualistion, due to a powerful heartbreak(but what a great lesson!!) and some usage of marijuana(yea yea, no more substances...) which always was ending quite badly for my psyche, but the crises pushed me back into practicing. My friend once send me some Eckhart Tolle's teachings which was a powerful reminder in the middle of my being lost. Since then I multiplied my efforts for silencing my mind, and the effects are remarkable! I feel a lot of energy radiating from my chest, head and hands when I am present or do grounding. Kinda nice feeling which helps to bring attention into the now. As for the entities, I still sometimes see them, but I pay no attention to them. Sometimes a flashing image of eyes but thats all.

I have a problem with kriyas and blockage in 2nd chakra area... when I'm being present it feels like a heavy burden(but not always), and when I try to sit in the morning and meditate, huge pressure builds up there and after some time I cant stand it and I have spasms and also K "makes me ROAR like a lion"! Exactly like Mystress said   Shakti is generous enough for me for not doing that in public, however I cannot ge through it... I just have too little attention, and its very tiring. I also have to admit that I'm lazy and I've never sat down(or maybe a few times) for long enough maybe to roar it out or something, but it seems to be neverending. Well, I tried to give blockages to goddess but it met with little effect. As for the stomach I consider going to physician, however I feel strong emotional content there also... especially when I was after some days of smoking, I would get into such an overwhelming explosion of blockages sometimes that I would barely handle it. Geez, horrors down there are strong, but the conscious presence helps and also asking for help.

I would appreciate any insights regarding the blockage. Namaste

[Mystress]

 
   I am ok with reopening old threads, the front page of the guestbook shows new posts anyway. Gives nice continuity for people who read the archives.

Regarding the stomach symptoms:

   Surrender doesnt clear entities because they have free will. You have to use the entity clearing or ask your Guardian Angel to be bouncer.

   One way to tell if a blockage is entity or brick, is a brick doesnt wiggle when you poke it. If you send energy into a blockage and it seems to squirm, move away or react in any way, its alive.

   I spent months trying to clear a persistent stomach/solar plexus pain that appeared during a stressful time of my life, with very little success, it was unusually stubborn. Finally went to an MD and discovered I had an ulcer! Dont rule out physical causes, get the pain checked out. Spinal misalignment can cause mysterious nerve pains too. K likes a straight spine!

[Maximus]

I have read the reply some time ago, though I said to myself that I will answer later, then again later etc( Tomorrow is the first lie of the devil!).

Stomach does not pose any problems recently (maybe because I had an illness and I got "anti-ulcer" medicaments... so it might have been this). But still the biggest one are kriyas... the problem is this heavy something in my 2nd chakra area.

Most of the time when I feel negative, it is streaming from there. Or for example when I'm thinking and a very shameful event from the past enters my head I get an instant spasm and even say the last words of the thought out loud. Fortunately it happens when I am alone, but even in a bus I need to make a movement if something like this happens. I am mentioning shame because it seems to be my main problem down there, though other negative emotions also sometimes "stream form there". It is not like I am someone sitting in the darkest corner and not talking to people, quite the contrary, I am very sociable, though the problem appears in interactions with females. If one would come and, for example, touch me in a way that does not leave doubts as to her intentions, then I would burn from the wave of intense shame and run away which happened one time.. (though I got much better now, I think).

On the other hand, I was just meditating after a nap, feeling the energy of my body, and its growth when  the silence deepens. The most intense feeling(although it is subtle and gentle) is at the top of my head and generally inside it, and my throat chakra probably. And I have no idea why this energy is also in my wrists and elbows In a way, that I cannot miss the feeling. Returning to the point, after entering this state, the pressure appears. The spasms. And I can't go deeper! I feel that I would, because the state is wonderful, and I am able to be still longer and longer. But I can't because it is like an epileptic attack. Or maybe worse. No spontaneous yoga positions or singing. Same when I am on a bus or somewhere outside, I was being present for quite long and then this pressure and heaviness appears and I am not able to stay silent, because the more I am silent the worse it gets, and I would rather not shake publicly or make strange noises.

So after I cooled down, I put my attention on this place(which is in 2nd chakra area but at the back) with keeping my mind silent, and spasms happened instantly along with strange sounds from my throat. I do not know how to send energy to something, well I do it all the time probably anyway, so I just sent love, and again the same happened. Its hard for me to say whether its alive but it appears to be so...  the only psychic experiences I had or have without psychedelics is feeling this energy, seeing VERY foggy entity sometimes, and some minor visual sensations while meditating. It might be the blockage, however I think the emotions are coming from different place, more to the front, while it seems to be stuck in my spine. Asking guardian angels or Goddess for taking care of this did not help. Eh, I dont know what to do, I could just go on with practicing presence, but I can't because of this obstacle...

I would very much appreciate any helpful advice. Eh I wanted to be as brief as possible, but sorry, I just felt need to mention most of the things connected.

[Maximus]

I forgot to add one simple thing -  I also get these attacks when doing grounding when I try to connect the cord with the crystal. Almost instantly, and recently I am not doing it because of this, and well, its easier for me to focus on feeling the energy of my body, though grounding is fantastic...

[Maximus]

Now i kinda got it. The ongoing practice of bringing myself to the present moment changed my life in a very positive way, to the point where being "present" gives me a sense of oneness with everything, for example when I change the room I am in, looking at another person, its one spirit anyway. Something changes, yet nothing at all. I know that its not the intensity which enlightened people have, and I still often go unconscious, though for me its a big step. Bit by bit, closer to Goddess.

About the blockage... Ive got an awful job(it came to me!) where standing for 7 hours straight, sometimes 11, gave my back a hard time. I had waves of despair and anger coming over me which I surrendered, and later I haven't even noticed the lack of spasms and pressure in my lower back. So I went about my life, feeling IT(life) everywhere, and the pressure came back. Again, I could not be present for long because of this pressure(this time a little bit higher in my back), and I said to myself, NO! I cant lose this feeling! So I sat down, meditated, shaked INTENSELY, roared and after a while I felt waves of rage. Then deep sadness/despair/abandonment. That was hard, though it fuelled my new state when observed. And I held my thoughts from sticking to the emotion, as much as I could. the next day was the same, lots of rage->sadness->rage->sadness-> and then peace after K was finished. Ive got a big one over there, and I only wonder how much is it going to take to cleanse this, though at least I know where I am going and I know what to do. So thats how it is!

[Mystress]

Surrender + persistence in surrender is a powerful thing.

Kriyas are the automatic movements the body uses to clear blockages. People typically resist them out of fear of their strangeness-  discomfort with the feeling of their body, seeming to be taken over by some outside force that is not their own mind. What you resist persists, which makes the kriyas rock even harder because now they have more resistance to push past.

  If you have courage of trust and faith in your Divine self, to surrender and allow them to happen then they are short lived and productive.

  On the other hand, if you can so clearly feel where an issue, blockage or entity is, you can simply reach in with a spirit hand and pull it out of yourself, drop it into the toilet and flush. This sends a very clear message to your greater self of your willingness and agreement to let it go, and so, it is gone.