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[lightwarrior]

Hi, I am a college kid who is currently trying to manage a moderate course load. Problem is I am also stuck at the deep phases of a shamanic initiatory crisis. My day to day feelings are a lot like this. http://www.spiritualemergence.org.au/pages/forms-egodeath.html
Can you tell me some sort of technique or activity that might help to mitigate the effects of this on a day to day basis? Today I felt so tired all day that I decided not to go to class. Focusing on a game of pingpong is hard for me.

[dotdotdot]

Can't give much advice beyond you're not alone. Work, College, and the process all at once. Pretty sure there are people out there going through the same thing who haven't figured out what it is yet, which is a scary feeling.

Focusing is definitely difficult, especially on something that I consider boring or easy. A guy at work joked with me the other day that he loves talking to me because I start to zone out after the first couple of sentences, haha. It makes studying impossible at times.

Grounding is pretty helpful for me.

http://kundalini-teacher.com/meditations/grounding.php

Not sure how similar your situation is to mine, but some writtings on staying present have helped me focus. The smiling as I exhale thing seems to bring me back as well.

Being broken plays a big role in my process. All the distortion and dragging through the mud forces me to look up. Hang in there!

[dotdotdot]

Sincere communication with it can help too.

[lightwarrior]

Actually I was extremely comforted by the zoning out thing. I can't help but zone out also. Thanks dude.

[lightwarrior]

Also, I am interested in having a dream interpreted.
This happened fairly recently, and it involves a threshold guardian similar but not completely like the one Mystress describes in the shamanic initiation page.
Okay:
I am camping in the woods with friends and I find an enormous gold boulder. I am unsure about whether this boulder is meant for me, and whether I will be allowed to have it. I start texting (yes, texting with a cell phone) with my threshold guardian, who is sort of ambiguous about whether I will be allowed to have it. Finally, I decide to take the gold boulder, and put it in my backpack, but not get defensive over it and not try to guard it if somebody steals it.

I definitely think it has something to do with surrender, and developing patience. But I'd like to know what the gold boulder represents, and why the threshold guardian was involved. Was the boulder shamanic abilities, or immortality (ie ego death).

[Wanda]

I've sometimes had dreams of finding, or being presented with rocks and such. In hindsight, I'd say they symbolized the spiritual experiences that I was about to have. The size, number and colour of the items was significant, as well as the way I received them - like, did I seek them out myself, or were they handed over to me by a spirit or a deity.

Your own interpretation of the dream is what counts, but if you'd like another person to take a stab at it, then here goes.

The gold boulder represents some kind of a realization or revelation. Since you were the one who found it, then it's certainly meant for you. However, the threshold guardian is the one pacing your process, and it's for him to decide whether you're ready for it or not. If he's uncertain, then maybe it's not time yet. Your own sense of not having a right to it, along with the fear that the boulder might be stolen from you, could be another indicator.

So what your intuition tells you - surrender and developing patience - sounds good to me.

It could also be a test - when you woke up, did you have a distinct feeling of passing or failing?

Hope it helps,

[lightwarrior]

Passing. I think the patience was the passing. I felt a sense of calm and satisfaction.

[LovetheLotus]

Hello Lightwarrior, perhaps your dream also showing that you should focus on your decision-making skills? Are you active in your own decisions or more reactive in them? In other words, when something happens do you "react" to it or do you really "act" upon it?  It's golden to the ones who act upon their own decision-making in this Life.

[Mystress]

  Genuine Shamans dont make decisions for themselves, free will is severely compromised by directives of spirit.

[LovetheLotus]

I apologize, Mystress, I did not see the thread where you wrote your main purpose for this forum.

I am learning/unlearning. And am grateful for all who share so openly because at this time it has become very difficult for me to share what I want to share.

And thank you, because you were nice about letting me know to be quiet about things I do not fully know/understand.

[lightwarrior]

Hmm, I don't think I fit your standards of what a shaman is, and I am certainly not looking for an argument, because it is obvious that argument pisses you off.
What I'd like to say is that something is definitely going on with me, and I am looking for help on it, whatever it is. I certainly have shamanic themes, such as descent to the underworld, and ascent to the sky. The spirits never tried to kill me though. Regardless of whether I am a shaman, I will say that this article describes my experiences well: http://www.spiritualemergence.org.au/pages/forms-shamanic.html

Basically, when undergoing an intense, life changing spiritual process, especially with the death/rebirth themes how does one go about normal life? I already had to withdraw from college, as my grades were complete crap. Right now I am looking to save some money to go get help with this stuff, as there isn't a lot available around where I am. Would meditation and especially yoga help me calm down and get centered? Are there any foods I should be avoiding. I am really inexperienced so any advice is helpful.

[Wanda]

Well, I can only tell you what has worked for me.

Steak a day.
Strong black tea.
Chain-smoking (but if you don't, then don't start).

Structuring my day with small rituals.
Hard physical labor, or vigorous exercise.
Service to other. Responsibility. Compassion.

Simplifying my life to the barest basics.
Asking God to help me with the tasks.
Remembering, that whatever it is - it will pass.

Saying to myself, "Be a man!" (even though I'm female  )

There was an excellent thought in this page you referred to, defining mastery as being able to function successfully in both the ordinary and nonordinary realms. Sounds very true, and a worthy goal to strive towards - no matter what kind of awakening we're experiencing...

No one can help you. No man, no god, not even yourself. That's the whole point. You can surrender. Or, you can rebel. Doesn't matter. It's over when it's over. In a sense, it'll never be over... Or, it's over already, you just haven't noticed yet.

(This last part I wrote for me, btw.)

[lightwarrior]

Yeah I think red meat and large amounts of exercise are good ideas. At this point I sort of hate people way too much to do charity. At this point I am hoping to save money for an ayahuasca ceremony down south to finish the death rebirth.
I understand that some of ayahuasca tourism has really helped people, while some of it is suspect, so if anyone has any recommendations that would be good as well.