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[cmassaad]

Hello, this is my first post on this website. Over a year and half ago I initiated a kundalini awakening with a cannabis practice and was given guidance by a teacher near where I live. I, however, do not practice with the herb anymore because it was burning my karma up too quickly and not allowing me to be with others. It was also very intense on my body and I could not retain a coherent lifestyle with it. It was like breaking down the karmic door and burn everything in sight. I would like to maintain a relationship with my fiance.

Although I started out with cannabis, I no longer need it and notice that my various chakras vibrate at different times of the day, primarily the heart chakra, the third eye, and the crown chakra. I also have very intense dreams occasionally racked with symbolism. I believe these are various signs of kundalini rising. My question has to do primarily with the third chakra. I work a manual labor job, try to practice yoga and meditation daily, and maintain a healthy relationship with my fiance. However, my energy center fluctuates so much that I am only able to maintain 1 or 2 of my focuses at a time. I have so many projects that I want to accomplish but I cannot find the energy to do so. I am also overweight ( I used to weigh 300 lbs but now am done to 215). I am wondering if I need to drop all of the weight (it all accumulates around the belly) to allow the third chakra's fire to allow  more energy in my life.

[Mari]

Hi Cmassaad!

What I have observed is that folks who smoke a lot of weed often tend to get a bit lazy, not caring about their career so much. Just chilling out. So it puts down power to get things done in our daily lives, which lives in the power chakra. Healthy lifestyle makes the third chakra stronger. So it's good you have started to take care of your body But you yourself know and feel when your weight is on a level that's best for you. We are unique!

Gratitude feeds third chakra. Mystress has done essay about power chakra.

http://kundalini-teacher.com/chakras/power.php

Maybe you are pushing yourself too hard? What project is according to your ego will, and what is the Divine Will? Ego will versus Divine Will is in the power chakra. You see it probably from the results. Ego based unnecessary projects don't feel inspired, they don't progress, and you have to push yourself to do them. But where you heart is, those develop and grow like dance! Sometimes we ofcourse have to do things we don't want so much. I have noticed I get them done better and stop wasting my time stressing about them, when I surrender them to the Goddess. As a result I did them in a much shorter time with ease and grace.

[cmassaad]

Hi Mari, thank you for responding.
In a way I feel kind of stuck in my current life situation and also have many fears for what is going on in the world. On one side, I feel divine experiences are being created and change is occurring on my level and the earth as a whole. However, at the same time, there are many detrimental and scary situations occurring that I can't seem to grasp. I guess you could say that I do feel the tug of war between the will of my ego and the will of the divine. I have some many projects in mind because I want to take care of of myself and my fiance. Most notably by ego as well. I can't figure out how to let go of all the things I want to accomplish in life. You are definitely right about doing what the heart feels is right. But I notice that I don't want to do much when I let go and so then I get all hard of myself and try to push and push, strive for more.  Especially this time of year, I don't have much drive to do a whole lot but I'm also flustered by this lack of drive. I did read the article you posted and focused primarily on the understanding of the breath. I do practice kundalini pranayama techniques at home but I've noticed that my breath is slightly shallow elsewhere,(prana not circulating as deep as it could). Fear is what is driving a lot of my goals and aspirations. When I sit down and really see where my desires come from, all I really desire is to just be as I am and not need all of these ego games to power myself. However, I am not comfortable with myself.

Can you help elaborate this tug of war going on in my body and mind?