G.I.D

[Anonymous3]

Thankyou for your great site. I really enjoy reading it.

I'm just in the process of questioning whether I have Gender Identity Disorder. I've suffered from NPD symptoms since I was a child, but it didn't feel to come from my own side. I noticed that my mind looked very "linear" but I had no attraction to other females. And I was always crazy about men. About 10 years ago my chakras started feeling unstable. There was pain in my head for about 7 years, which seemed to be because of dissociation. Later I managed to get myself put in a mental hospital (by my own foolish actions) and although it was disabling the experience seemed to help me develop more feelings of consciousness and more awareness of my imagination (voices of conscience/community). But I question if that was because maybe at some level I clicked I might be G.I.D.

I couldn't get with a woman, I don't think. And I don't desire to dress like a man. I have always been attached to wanting to look female and speak femininely. But it seems to help me develop empathy if I think I'm more like a boy. My friend who's 3rd gender helped me/made me think.

[Mystress]

  People with gender issues tend to find me because I have a shamans eye view which sees the issues quite differently.

  Typically the unconscious mind is the opposite gender of the body while the ego is the same, but sometimes it gets switched, often because of some trauma. The original ego identity disappears into the unconscious mind and the unconscious puts for a part of itself as identity. The result is the ego and unconscious genders get switched around.

   There is one symptom of this that is very consistent, and that is there will be a few years of childhood memories that are a blank. The original ego identity takes them with it, when it dives... but it is not lost, only hiding.

  The resolution is a phase of gentle self inquiry, looking for the lost child self with an open, loving and welcoming heart. Gradually memories begin to surface, you may even have dreams or visions of meeting the child. As the memories resurface, the lost identity is integrated and the gender issues cease to be an issue.

   The obsession simply fades out. Face it, people who do not have gender issues, do not spend much time thinking about their gender.  Its just part of who they are and they take it for granted, so it just does not take a lot of thought.  With resolution, there comes an inward sense of just being yourself, androgyny. You are just you, and comfortable in your skin. 

  I want to qualify, when I say it is caused by trauma, people tend to imagine the worst and false memory syndrome just muddies the waters.  What is traumatic to a child can be something an adult would not blink at, so we protect children from scary stuff, like ratings on movies. 

  As a child feels the center of their own universe there is a tendency to take responsibility for things that had nothing to do with them. If parents divorce, or a relative dies, a child often will feel they are to blame for it. Don't go looking for trauma memories because you might invent them. Focus on loving the lost child self.