An Interactive Guestbook

Hallo everybody.
My name is Atila, im 20 and i come from holland.

I have a problem relating to kundalini and psychosis.

3 weeks ago my kundalini awakened. It gave good things, it gave some bad.

The thing that bugs me the most is my ego. The energy risings also rose my ego, to mountain top hights. I feel like im some sort of high advanced bieng, somebody who needs to "Save" people. Somebody who needs to help other people.
These thoughts are absurt, nonsense. They disturb me, and even though i know they are false, they seem to attach to me, like a magnet.

Any advice how to deal with this would be greatly appreaciated. Maybe it will go in time ? aslong as i see that it it nonsense ? If i can just watch the thoughts ?

Love,
Atila

The same thing happened to me a few years ago.  I felt that I was supposed to "do something".  Focus on grounding and meditating, it will grow to a sense of bliss over time.

Regards, Jeff

Same thing happened to me as well when i began seeing the deception and anguish in our society. I felt that same need to "save" people and open their eyes but i just mostly got really shitty feedback from my projections and im pretty sure some people were either scared of me or thought i was an asshole probably because of the karma i was stirring but there were some who actually opened up alot of potential through relationships with me and have become awesome friends and companions .
I surrendered alot of those projections and focused on grounding and mostly namaste meditation...

I can really relate to all of this.  I had an experience a few months back, and I feel very compassionately for the people I meet, and their emotions. Especially over the internet. Sometimes, I feel I need to help people, very much so, this is something that has not left me in months. Many have said that I am gifted in many ways, but I fail to see that in myself.

Sometimes, I wish I can do more, but I know I need to help myself first, and get me to a place where I can feel less fear, and manage and embrace all that I am.

I pray to God mostly, for clarity for myself and others, as I believe there is a lot of confusion arising here. Sometimes, God answers and sometimes not. I find it difficult to get guidance for myself, and I feel deeply that I need to help others and society, and to make a different. I am not always sure of my capacity to help others nor of my abilities in that regard. I pray to God too, if I am to be used, that the messages I receive are clear and direct, and not based in fear and confusion. I find it very, very difficult at times, because sometimes I feel such intensity of love and compassion, that I would spend every moment just trying to do my best for everyone, but mostly, I step back and just judge the situation from afar, and if I am meant to help, then I allow that too, because sometimes, I can make a difference in a little way, and that helps me come to terms with what is happening for me too. I feel selfless service is a very helpful tool in facilitating the rising of the kundalini, although I feel sometimes, that I need control of the way I help people, and that has created massive surges of energy on my crown and massive energy depletions for trying to control the energies arising within, and consequently leaved me feeling stressed, anxiety and fear ... so I try to surrender, and judge carefully.

I had some issues with projections too, and that led to a very very fearful experience for months. I felt that people were toying with me, because I could feel myself in each post. I got extremely paranoid and closed myself off and the sharing of me. The lack of trust led me to deep paranoia and suspicion of others and myself. I am trying to get over this, but it is very very diffuclt. Now, I just write, out of love and try and share my experiences as clearly as possible, and hopefully that will benefit me and those I love.

I didn't understand what projections were, and I still can't understand. Sometimes, I can see things from different angles and different people can relate with that, so I try to do my best to write as compassionately and kindly as possible so not to cause offense, and to be as considerate of all these angles, but sometimes I get confused too. I don't want to hurt others as that hurts me too.  Sometimes, when I do this, I get bad feedback, because it feels like I did something wrong, but I try to surrender that too. Mostly, I just fear hurting others, because I can feel very deeply.

Sometimes, it feels that something is writing through me, and there is a wisdom and knowledge in my words that is not my own. This really really scares me, because I realise I am no longer the one writing, and when I pause and really look deeply, there is a sense of some greater intelligence beyond my conscious awareness at the moment, that is guiding others and myself, and fills me with great warmth and kindness, that I don't have to do this alone, that there are people like you and me here, that can make a difference, just by relating our experiences to each other, and perhaps that is enough to expel some of the fear of such experiences.


Mostly, I am very very grateful to those that found me during these fearful kundalini experiences, and all the guidance that came with that. Sometimes, I second guess all of this kundalini phenomonon, because sometimes I think it is my mind playing tricks, but I look back, and I realise that this stuff can get very real, very scary and the stories that I hear sometimes make me more scared, so I don't tend to indulge in phenonon anymore. I am still very much looking at all of this, and I hope clarity will reveal itself in time.